The Official "Classic Simpsons Quotes" thread

[9mm]

HAHA, this thread cracks me up.

Homer, after accidentally being sent a vocabulary builder instead of a weight loss tape, finding out the tape has not caused him to lose weight:
"Disingenuous maltabanks with their sumbliminal chicanery!! A pox on them!!"

- I laugh so hard everytime i hear that.

Then later, after he has stopped using the vocab builder:
Homer: "Marge, where is that ... thing ... we use to ... dig ... food?"
Marge: "You mean a spoon?"
Homer: "Yeah, yeah!"

 

[Spruce Goose]

Keep em coming, this is gold!

Homer "I saw this once in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around the city keeping its SPEED over 50, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called ...."The bus that couldnt slow down!"


Bart: "And I'll take up smoking and give that up"
Homer: "Good for you son, giving up smoking is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do... have a dollar"
Lisa: "But he didnt do anything"
Homer: " Didn't he Lisa..... didn't he? Hey wait, he didn't"


Dr Nick: "Don't worry, you wont feel a thing.... untill I ram this down your throat!"


Homer: "Your mother seems really upset about something.... I Better go talk to her..... during the commercials!"


When Homer and Marge are interviewing people for the nanny position:
Homer: "Who was your last employer?"
Sherry Bobbins: "Lord and Lady Huffington of Sussex"
Homer: "Psst, Marge.... do we know them?"
Marge: "No"
Homer: "C'mon, isn't that the guy I go bowling with.... the black guy"
Marge: "That's Carl!"
Homer: "Oh yeah....... so, you know Carl hey!"


Willy: "Ya got any Grease?"
Lunchlady Dorris: "Yep"
Willy: "Than Grease me down woman!"
Lunchlady Dorris: "Okie Dokie"

 

[9mm]

I'm not sure if this is the exact wording of this quote, but it's along these lines:

Marge: "Something's different with Bart."
Homer: "New glasses?"
Marge: "No, something seems wrong."
Homer: "Probably misses his old glasses."

 

[Kem]

Dr NicK: `Phone 1900 021 DOCTORB! The B is for Bargain!'

Homer after Marge foils Snake: `Yes, it is indeed exhilirating to see the police catch their man and comfort a hysterical woman. Hush now, Homey's here.'
*Marge grumble*

 

[spawn]

Ahh keep them coming my friends.......

"Maybe you should go talk to them homer"
"Aww, all those stairs......."

"Help me Jeebus!"

 

[9mm]

After Homer starts praying to a waffle stuck to the roof:
Marge: "Homer, that's not God, that's just a waffle that Bart tossed up there"
Marge knocks it down with a broom handle, Homer picks it up and eats it.
Homer: "Mmmm, sacrilicious"



When Burns is making a movie about himself, at the auditions for the actor to play himself:
Star Trek guy: " Ex .... cell .... ent"
Mexican Bumble Bee: "Excellentay!"
Homer: "Exactly ..... d'oh!!"

 

[spawn]

Monorail....Monorail....Monorail!
Homer:"Mono DOH!"

Who wears short shorts? "I wear short shorts!"

 

[Mark]

On whacking day:

Marge: "Whack hard... then soft."

I think that's right

 

[phlogiston]

I think we've all learnt an important lesson here. Can't win, don't try.


Oh no, I've dropped your taco in the hot oil. I'll get it. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

 

[spawn]

Mayor Quimby "You people are a bunch of fickle mush heads!
"you know what, hes right!"
"Yeah, give us hell quimby!"

Mayor quimbys nephew
"Freddy honey, I think somethings in the back of the car"
"Im not paying you to talk"

 

[phlogiston]

Bart: "Dagnabbit"
Homer: "BART! How many times have I told you about speaking like an 18th century prospector?"

 

[Hanso]

Ralph - "It tastes like burning

Ralph again - "thats where the leprachaun lives, he tells me to burn things

 

[Spruce Goose]

After Homer gets busted for touching that girls ass:

Lisa: "But Dad, havnt you learnt that you cant trust everything they put on TV?"

Homer: "Lisa Honey, I havnt learned a thing!"


when homer is photographed on the newspaper passed out
"I wasnt asleep....i was drunk"

 

[spawn]

"But dont you hear the music Marge? he is EVIL!"

 

[Wrathchild]

"I am evil Ho-mer, I am evil Ho-mer!"

"He said I was an accident. He didn't want to have me."
"You didn't want to have Bart."
"Yes, but you're not supposed to TELL the child!"
"You tell Bart all the time."
"But when I do it it's cute..."

"And now, In the Garden of Eden by I Ron Butterfly."
(Seventeen minutes later...)

"Wait a minute, that sounds like rock and/or roll. I want you to clean every one of those organ pipes that you have befouled with your popular music!"

 

[phlogiston]

This seems like the most fitting place for this question.

Who knows how Bleeding Gums Murphy and Dr Marvin Monroe died? I think I've seen the Murphy one but forgot it, but I know I haven't seen the Monroe one.

 

[spawn]

Monroe never actually died in an episode, which is why I always thought it was wierd that they said he did on one of the episodes, they just stopped using him and I guess that constitutes death in the cartoon world!!

"Daddy that many has bosoms like mommy"
"Yeah, I wish son"

 

[9mm]

Flanders: "If only I'd been a gentleman, and got the hot dogs myself, she'd still be here."
Homer: "Now now, don't beat yourself up. I'm the one who drove her out of her seat, I'm the one who provoked the lethal barrage of t-shirts, and I'm the one who parked in the ambulance zone, preventing any possible resuscitation."

 

[Spruce Goose]

HAHA......... Grandpa Simpson on being asked if Homer is a Communist:

"My son is not a communist. HE may be a an idiot, a pig, a communist.... but he is not.... a pornstar