The Official "Classic Simpsons Quotes" thread

[Blitzkrieg]

Burns: "Smithers, take off my belt."
Smithers: "With pleasure sir!"

When talking about Burns becoming a religious leader...
Burns: "Smither, would u kneel before me?"
Smithers: "Would I?!"



Comic Store Guy: "I am here to return this quote unquote ultimate belt"
Clerk: "Do you have a receipt for it?"
Comic Store Guy: "No, I won it as a door prize at a Star Trekk convention, tho I see the average Trekker has no use for a medium sized belt"
Clerk: "ahhh, a fat sarcastic Star Trekk fan huh, u must be a hit with the ladies"

 

[spawn]

"Cant sleep. Clown will eat me"

"Why why WHY! Delilah brrrrrrr!"

"Thats nice work Lou, you'll make sargeant for this"
"I already am sargeant chief"
"Quiet Lou, or Ill bust you down to sargeant so fast, it will make your head spin"

 

[Spruce Goose]

Homer: "Oh, look at me, I'm making people happy...... I'm the magical man, from Happy land..... in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane........"


I touched her sweet can, swe swee sweet sweet can. Mr Simpson, your silence only discriminates you further... no, Mr Simpson, dont take your anger out on me arrgh!! (Dramatization, may not have happened)

 

[Spruce Goose]

"Hi there, Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins"

"Homer Simpson, Smiling Politley"

 

[Spruce Goose]

Homer: "Marge, I'm not gunna lie to you........ So long!"

When they are hiding from Patty and Selma
Lisa and Bart: "Uh uh Homer, this is our hiding place, we reserved it"

Homer: "Ohh, they got me with their legal mumbo jumbo! Ohh, I'll take my chances with the mystery wall"

 

[Blitzkrieg]

Smithers turns on his computer, and Mr Burns appears on the screen : "Hello....Smithers...., you were...quite..good..at......turning..me.....on "
Smithers to Lisa: "You probably should ignore that"

 

[spawn]

"I wont let that happen, I cant let that happen, and I wont let that happen"

 

[Kem]

Homer after Snake steals some wallets: `Wait a minute...that's not the wallet inspector'

McBain: `Maybe you are ALL homosexuals!'

And who could forget: `I WASH MYSELF WITH A RAG ON A STICK!' *hyuk hyuk hyuk*

 

[Blitzkrieg]

Moe: "This baby can flash fry a buffalo in 40 seconds"
Homer: "ohh, I want it now"

Burns: "Smithers, theres a rocket in my pocket"
Smithers: "You don't have to tell me that sir"

Duffman: "And now, the man who fills the mug with the drug that you chug, Moe Sizlack"

Duffman speaking of Moe: "oooh, thats a mug you don't wanna chug"

Titania: "but you said if I slept with you I wouldn't have to touch the drunk"
Duffman: "Duffman says alot of things, Ooo yeah!"

 

[Spiff]

I have a Simpsons desk calendar with a new quote every day! Here's a selection of the best of the rest of the year (seeing as I was stupid and threw out the last 10 months' worth!). Hope I don't repeat any from what's been said already.



Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible!

Lionel Hutz: I've argued in front of every judge in this state. Often as a lawyer.

Skinner: Ah, there's no justice like angry mob justice.

Superintendent Chalmers: You're fired.
Skinner: I'm sorry, did you just call me a liar?
Chalmers: No, I said you were fired.
Skinner: Oh. That's much worse.

Ralph: Mrs Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me.

Homer: It's a handgun! Isn't it great? This is the trigger, and this is the thing you point at whatever you want to die.

 

[Blitzkrieg]

Homer speaking to John the homosexual: "You keep that hat, you might need it when it starts raining naked ladies"

Bart: "Dad why did u bring me to a gay steel mill??"
Homer: "I...don't...know..."

 

[spawn]

This thread could go on forever, im STILL laughing my ass off whenever I read the new posts.........especially the mcbain one about everyone being homosexuals, god that was funny!

Homer looking for a peanut under the couch
"Oh its just 20 dollars"
Brain goes "20 dollars can buy many peanuts"
"Explain how"
"Money can be exchanged for goods and services"
"woohoo!"

"Or youll do what? Release the dogs? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?"

 

[Spruce Goose]

Homer pretending to be Mr Burns: "Hello, this is Mr Burns, I believe you have a package for me"

"Alright Mr Burns, what's your first name?"

"I don't know"

 

[Spruce Goose]

Spawny, I love when Homer's brain speaks! Thats some funny shit!

like when he said something stupid and his brain goes
"That's it, I'm outta here"

 

[Spruce Goose]

When Homer crashes the car:

Police: "You say you were at Moe's.... what is this?"

Homer: "Uh oh, better think quick....It's a pornography store..... I was buying Pornography!"

 

[Aces_High]

Titania: "but you said if I slept with you I wouldn't have to touch the drunk"
Duffman: Duff man says alot of things Oh Yeeaaah!"

BWHAHAHAHA

Homer: Shut up brain or i'll stab u with a cuetip

 

[spawn]

Originally posted by Spruce Goose
Spawny, I love when Homer's brain speaks! Thats some funny shit!

like when he said something stupid and his brain goes
"That's it, I'm outta here"

i know, I love it when that happens as well

"I am the angel of death, the time of purification is at hand"

 

[Blitzkrieg]

Homer: "time to do some serious thinking"
Homers brain: "eatthepudding eatthepudding eatthepudding eatthepudding eatthepudding eatthepudding eatthepudding eatthepudding"
Homer: "ok, but then we gotta get to work"

Marge: "Homer your not going to stalk Lenny and Carl are you?"
Homer: "nooo...........I'm.....just....gooing....tooo....STALK....Lenny and Caaarrl......D'OH!!"

Guy: "Homer, you bowled a perfect game, how did u do it?"
Homer: "Well I had some help from the big man up there....Carl"

 

[9mm]

Homer: "Well, it looks as though the burglar was caught by the very man who was trying to catch him!"
Skinner: "How ironic."


Comic Book Guy: "Are you the creator of Hi and Lois, because you are making me laugh? That drawing is worth exactly $750 American."
Bart: "It's valuable, huh?"
Comic Book Guy: "Your powers of deduction are exceptional. I simply cannot allow you to waste them here when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment. Go! Go! For the good of the city."

 

[Spruce Goose]

Bart: "We want the truth"

Sideshow Bob: "You want the truth, you cant handle the truth... no truth handler you, I derive you truth handling abilities!"