Jarkko Mattheiszen
The FU guy.
"If there were no engineers, there would be no-one to record your music. If there were no musicians, we would have no-one to record."
the ultimate poster that should be on every engineers Door.
- Thread starter jesterroot4
- Start date
Djabthrash
Member
Glenn Fricker
Very Metal &Very Bad News
Loren Littlejohn
Lover of all boobage.
deanbailey
O.C.D Member
Glenn Fricker
Very Metal &Very Bad News
This one is actually up on my door right now,
"If you're grumpy, miserable, or just plain mean, there will be a $10 charge for putting up with you."
"If you're grumpy, miserable, or just plain mean, there will be a $10 charge for putting up with you."
Loren Littlejohn
Lover of all boobage.
HeadCrusher
Member
Glenn Fricker
Very Metal &Very Bad News
Another one:
"GET THAT GODDAMN IBANEZ OUT OF HERE BEFORE I USE IT FOR FIREWOOD!"
"The reason you don't sound like Dimebag is because you're not Dimebag. Sorry."
"The reason you're not getting a heavy-as-fuck rhythm tone is because you're playing a shit Ibanez."
"The reason you're not getting a heavy-as-fuck rhythm tone is because of that goddamn Floyd Rose"
"The reason you're not getting a heavy-as-fuck rhythm tone is because you put in a passive Seymour instead of an EMG. Get the fuck out."
"The reason you're not getting a heavy-as-fuck rhythm tone is because you're tuned to a drop C & playing .09 gauge strings."
"The reason you're not getting a heavy-as-fuck rhythm tone is because you've rewired you electronics & twisted the wires and covered the joints with electrical tape as opposed to soldering them together. You dumb motherfucker."
"The reason you're not getting a heavy-as-fuck rhythm tone is because you've removed your neck pickup & covered the space with a piece of paper that's causing the guitar to resonate like a banjo. You dumb motherfucker."
"The reason you're not getting a heavy-as-fuck rhythm tone is because you stripped the paint off your guitar & didn't bother to treat the wood so it dried out & sounds like sawdust. You dumb motherfucker."
"You're too stupid to intonate your guitar properly. I'll be happy to do it for $75."
"Yes, we re-tune after every take. No, you don't have the brain power to do it yourself."
"Get that fucking Ibanez out of here!"
"I don't care how much you paid for your Line 6 Spider. It sucks & we're not using it."
"I don't care about your multi-thousand dollar modern Marshall head. It sucks, I'll take a dry track & reamp it after you leave. Don't tie an arm behind my back just to satisfy your sense of pride."
and, lastly, one I can't take credit for:
"Sure I can punch in every three seconds of your solo. It'll still suck live though. But one of us is supposed to have "lightning fast" fingers, and it sure as fuck ain't me."
Sorry, had to vent. Every single one of those points mentioned has happened to me over the years.
"GET THAT GODDAMN IBANEZ OUT OF HERE BEFORE I USE IT FOR FIREWOOD!"
"The reason you don't sound like Dimebag is because you're not Dimebag. Sorry."
"The reason you're not getting a heavy-as-fuck rhythm tone is because you're playing a shit Ibanez."
"The reason you're not getting a heavy-as-fuck rhythm tone is because of that goddamn Floyd Rose"
"The reason you're not getting a heavy-as-fuck rhythm tone is because you put in a passive Seymour instead of an EMG. Get the fuck out."
"The reason you're not getting a heavy-as-fuck rhythm tone is because you're tuned to a drop C & playing .09 gauge strings."
"The reason you're not getting a heavy-as-fuck rhythm tone is because you've rewired you electronics & twisted the wires and covered the joints with electrical tape as opposed to soldering them together. You dumb motherfucker."
"The reason you're not getting a heavy-as-fuck rhythm tone is because you've removed your neck pickup & covered the space with a piece of paper that's causing the guitar to resonate like a banjo. You dumb motherfucker."
"The reason you're not getting a heavy-as-fuck rhythm tone is because you stripped the paint off your guitar & didn't bother to treat the wood so it dried out & sounds like sawdust. You dumb motherfucker."
"You're too stupid to intonate your guitar properly. I'll be happy to do it for $75."
"Yes, we re-tune after every take. No, you don't have the brain power to do it yourself."
"Get that fucking Ibanez out of here!"
"I don't care how much you paid for your Line 6 Spider. It sucks & we're not using it."
"I don't care about your multi-thousand dollar modern Marshall head. It sucks, I'll take a dry track & reamp it after you leave. Don't tie an arm behind my back just to satisfy your sense of pride."
and, lastly, one I can't take credit for:
"Sure I can punch in every three seconds of your solo. It'll still suck live though. But one of us is supposed to have "lightning fast" fingers, and it sure as fuck ain't me."
Sorry, had to vent. Every single one of those points mentioned has happened to me over the years.
Man, these are all really great. I seriously want to make something in PhotoShop right now with these tips and take it to Kinko's and have them make a nice poster out of it.
~e.a
~e.a
These just sound like excuses. No biscuit.
Floyd Rose and tiny strings - Dino.
Passive Seymours - Testament.
Twist-and-tape instead of solder - you wouldn't fucking believe...
Jeff
We actually typed up a whole page of shit, and tell every band that they need to read it before they record. They say that they read it, but there has yet to be a band that has comprehended any of it.
Glenn Fricker
Very Metal &Very Bad News
Never really been a big fan of Testament's Rhythm tone, to be completely honest. I do love the Songwriting, though!
Let me clarify my postion a little further before you pass judgment, Jeff:
Most of the guys I work with aren't exactly what you'd call "world class" players by any stretch of the imagination. Every source you quoted was a higher caliber player than what I normally work with.... ...and the sound is in the hands, after all. For a lot of projects, it's their first time in the studio. All I'm really trying to get across is this: "Hey, we both want the same thing: Heavy as fuck tone. Let's use a good starting point though... what you brought in might be perfect for your sister's birthday party, but it's really working against what we're trying to achieve. Yes, I understand you worked hard to be able to afford what you have, but it's still working against you in a studio situation. Let's use the proper tools from the get-go & we'll probably achieve better results."
The incident with the unsoldered wires, stripped finish & banjo pickup space were unfortunately, on the same guitar. What's worse is the guitar player said "I'm playing this or I'm not playing anything." What's even worse is, this is when I was first starting out & didn't have a lot of experience. So, we fixed it the best we could & worked with it. It still sucked in the end, though. These days, I'd simply say, "Ok, you're not playing on the record. I have no patience with fourth graders. I'll call in a session guy & hand you the bill."
It's not excuses, it's experience working with the caliber of player that usually comes in. If Eric Peterson walked in, of course I wouldn't fuck with his setup, as that's what works for him. Most guys that come in my door don't have a fucking clue as to what works for them. They play what they can afford & it's usually not what the project needs.
That being said, one more for the list:
"Your signature sound? What the fuck are you talking about? NOBODY has heard you yet but your grandmother. Don't give me this "signature sound" bullshit. Stop reading so many guitar magazines. You're "Joe Nobody" from fucking nowhere. You ever sold 10 million records? No? I guess you don't have a signature sound then. Jimi Hendrix had a signature sound & you ain't anywhere near that level. Here's a thought: Instead of throwing up roadblocks in front of me before you even plug a guitar in, how about you try working with me & we can find your sound together."
Glenn Fricker
Very Metal &Very Bad News
Not sure what you're playing, but usually the ones coming into my place are made from basswood & have a tremolo. Not the greatest starting place to get a "Heavy as fuck" rhythm tone if you know what I mean. They're fine for leads & play like butter, but they're goddamn useless for rhythms.
Give me a nice solid chunk of wood with some EMG's any day of the week.
-0z-
Jarkko Mattheiszen
The FU guy.
Plus infinite.
If I'm ever rich enough to get myself a custom made axe, it's going to be nothing but mahogany, string-through-body, one EMG 81 on bridge and one volume knob. Sure floyd roses and such are nice to have around, but for the workman's kick-ya-in-the-groin-and-stomp-on-yer-head rhythm tone that's all you need
