The (Un)official write anything you want page

[Reign in Acai]

Dorian, a simulcast of bilious spew and anal corn splatter must take place to qualify as authentic food poisoning. You may have just had a bad case of the runs. As for the raw ass hide, that's a horrible side effect of wiping while standing up. Taking the alternative technique of positioning yourself at a vertical stance, half akimbo, with a 3/4 rotary swipe does nothing but touch the crusty edges of Mt.Killemajewro. One must be tactful, taking great lengths to allow natural oils from the colon's surface to moisten the area post wipe. Any miscalculation will result in what is known as "Miner's Bum".

 

[dorian gray]

 

[Ars Magna]

^ Yep

 

[Tide In Mind Out]

I'm still a proud stander. With a pristine butthole and buttcrack to prove it!

 

[Reign in Acai]

That's no way to speak of Derick!

 

[Tide In Mind Out]

That's no way to speak of Derick!

Would you rather I call him a foul asshole? No, that's reserved for you

 

[Reign in Acai]

Cara, I try my best.

 

[einride]

i've never had food poisoning

does this mean i have a very good stomach then because i eat crappy food all the time

 

[lurch70]

I'm still a proud stander. With a pristine butthole and buttcrack to prove it!

how do you pull of that stunt when you have the runs? with a butt funnel? (there's a band name for plastic nagger)

 

[Ars Magna]

I'm more of a hovercraft. Not quite sitting, but never fully up. If it's liquid I have to take a swipe while sitting and lifting a leg to catch the drips. It's probably good that I'm not here to pick up chicks.

 

[Tide In Mind Out]

how do you pull of that stunt when you have the runs? with a butt funnel? (there's a band name for plastic nagger)

I've explained this numerous times. Ahem...in the event that something messy has occured, the initial wipe is done while sitting, to ensure that nothing drips when I stand up to finish wiping.

Same thing when I'm on my period. I put the corks in while standing

 

[Tide In Mind Out]

Why the hell didn't anyone at HCIII remind me to demonstrate?

 

[swizzlenuts]

We were too busy checking out coffee houses.

 

[Tide In Mind Out]

Terrorist water!

 

[E-bortion]

one should only drink rain water or distilled water. beware fluoridation.

 

[Disgustipated]

I've never heard of anyone standing while wiping their arse.

Until now.

 

[Conspicuously Absent]

I've never heard of anyone standing while wiping their arse.

Until now.

theres an entire thread on it

 

[cthulufhtagn]

just had the most painless government-office experience of my life. come to think of it the oregon dmv was pretty painless too...beats every experience i ever had in california

 

[EricT]

Into the phone I screamed "ENGLISH ENGLISH ENGLISH... MAKE SURE IT'S IN ENGLISH"... I really needed this manual, and i have no idea what the fuck I am doing with this machine. USPS showed up today with a manual. Here is just a sample of what I got:

I don't even know what fucking language this is! It's not spanish, and it sure as fucking hell isn't ENGLISH.

 

[Tide In Mind Out]