haahahahahah pregnancy = a necessary discomfort/stupidity/humiliation/headache/evil/naturality/shits.
there's something in human nature makes us feel it's necessary to mystify and/or beautify things that only exist to maintain life stasis? i mean, look at us and crapping - all it is is expelling waste from the system and is sometimes altered by food that is unnatural or whose chemical content is too high in certain compounds, and we can have a 3 hour discussion on the merits of our stand-out 5 minute episodes that only exist to keep our bodies detoxified. preganancy is even worse because it's not fun or enjoyable. bitches smile at their babies when they're born out of fucking relief, not joy. the sweaty red bints are just fucking glad that they can stop throwing up in the morning and feeling like pigs for eating more than half a tomato for lunch. procreation is but an evolutionary tool. does anybody look at mitosis and say "oh my god, that cell is so beautiful when it's dividing itself??" fuck no!! 'cause a cell doesn't bone, then get either excited and cry or surprised and cry or overwhelmed and cry or disappointed and cry. a cell doesn't go to preggo gap to buy a tube top that'll fit a 50 pound bag of potatoes, and have to put up with it's bitchy self complaining about not being ladylike when it's doing the one god damn thing that is more ladylike than any fucking thing on the planet next to desperate god damn housewives. a cell doesn't spend all night in the hospital because it's bitch self needs 5 gallons of drugs to feel no pain and have a 38 hour labor instead of just having a fucking kid the way it was meant to be done. a cell doesn't need a stroller and one peice sausage outfits with bob the builder on them. a cell doesn't meet all of it's gaping-vag friends at cocoa's once a week to talk about how smart their 5 day old baby is because he only rubs craps on his face instead of trying to eat it. a cell doesn't need a fucking race car bed. pregancy is nothing more than a god damn necessary avenue that has become something beautiful because it's the farthest fucking thing from it, and it can't be anything else. otherwise, reality would set in, wimmen would know that they're gonna be fat, ugly, and angry for 9 months, then feel the most intense pain possible, and then not get a good night's sleep for 18 years 'cause their precious little dickhead brood is crying, teething, pissing itself, fighting, having a nightmare, playing video games, staying out too late, drinking, smoking, doing drugs, and - oh no - getting. fucking. pregnant. and then that surprise and disappointment is replaced with adoration, because now someone else is bringing another little bastard into the world who won't learn how to take responsibility for a god damn thing. how fucking cute.
and now i need a beer.