Ugh...

[EricT]

So my old mans womans daughter is living in the house for the summer, and long story short: She's fat and doesn't leave the couch. A Couch Whale, is what I have deemed her. I didn't mind this too much till just now...

Earlier today I had purchased several food items, including Jelly, Peanut Butter, Bread, Oreo's, and Ben and Jerry's Americone Dream.

Gone. They're fucking GONE.

The Bread is decimated, the Oreo's packages is empty next to her, along with the carton of ice cream, and the peanut butter and jelly are 3/4 gone. That bitch ate all my food in the matter of hours. And the worst part, after I yelled at her and she threw an emo fit, I'm the "bad guy". She ate 20 bucks worth of my fucking FOOD. Food that I go to work and pay for with my own fucking cash, to enjoy in the house that I pay rent to live in, on a couch which I payed for (it used to be my bed, years back). I hope she dies, I hope she motherfucking dies. I Hope the recliner on the couch has a spasm and knocks her fat lard ass onto the fucking floor, where lays on the floor of the room the room gasping for air like the fucking beached whale she is. I'll stand over her, eating a chicken breast, and just fucking LAUGH.

Fucking cunt.

 

[Shmu]

Well ... you can really do something ... get another pillow when she's sleeping put it over hear head for 2-3 mins and your ready , she's out of your life

 

[Söy]

make soap outta her.

 

[Metal head87]

She sounds like a younger version of the Peg's mother on Married With Children

 

[Shmu]

She sounds like a younger version of the Peg's mother on Married With Children

If that's true go suicide before she grows up

 

[EricT]

Heh... That describes her perfect.

I wouldn't have minded if it was just a bit of the food, but all of it is just too much. Even Jabba the fucking hut wouldn't sink as low as to eat that much of someone elses food (which was all in the clearly marked section of the pantry, fridge, and freezer that says "Eric's. Do NOT fucking touch."

She talks like Jabba too... Can't make anything sound logical. AND, since my cable reciever isn't working and her fat ass has the other TV plugged up, I can't watch fucking Ninja Warrior.

Missing Ninja Warrior is NOT cool.

 

[Captain Beard]

Look, tell her straight, don't touch my food you fat piece if shit, I paid for it for ME to enjoy.

 

[Shmu]

Either that or tell her to marry you ;p

 

[EricT]

Look, tell her straight, don't touch my food you fat piece if shit, I paid for it for ME to enjoy.

Pretty much what I said... Add a few more fuck and cunt though.

 

[Captain Beard]

Good work!

 

[Lies and Perfidy]

Shit on her pillow.

 

[Söy]

take her to Vegas and let some drunk lonely guy marry her in a drive-thru chapel

 

[Karmic]

hey you could always try by putting some laxatives in some great food, which you then give to her and come with some kind of apology saying you're sorry for yelling at her. cue a little while, she'll be somewhere else while you watch NINJA WARRIOR. And then when she comes back she'll be thin too, because that's how laxatives work.

 

[mReEtTaIlRsEkD]

Shit on her pillow.

No, no. IN her pillow.

 

[StAngerTriviumknotAx7]

punch her in the cunt

 

[mReEtTaIlRsEkD]

Seriously, just move the couch somewhere when she's not on it. Just be like, "It takes up too much room, and I prefer this chair anyway."

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

I fucking hate fat chicks.

 

[El Stormo]

make soap outta her.

Build a bridge out of her!

 

[EricT]

All of these good ideas... but don't help the fact that I have no bread to eat peanut butter and jelly for lunch today.

So you know what I'mn doing?

Scooping some PB in my mouth, followed by a scoop of jelly. It works.

Took a look at the couch earlier... theres a large sink in the side she sits on.

As for shitting in/on her pillow... The pillow she has is my ex-pillow. I may need that back some day. Then again... its covered in her sweat now, so maybe not.

 

[Vic Rattlehead]

Is peeing in her shampoo bottle doable?