She is young, around thirteen. She is from another world. I mean, don't get me wrong, she is not literally from another planet, but she does feel so. She likes to do what she watches on TV: to play, to read, to have fun, nothing really unusual for someone of his age, but nonetheless she feels like slowly drifting apart, not belonging to this place, nor to this moment in time.
What she hates the most is when she feels completely detached from the rest of people, she dislikes feeling her individuality intensely, because somehow she needs others to feel herself alive. She knows that that is not a rare thing to feel, as it's well known that "everybody needs somebody", and usually they need a bunch of people around too. But it seems different for her, people just like to hang out a bit, have some laughs, and come back home. She has the chance to play along, do what others do, live the way the others live. What if you don't feel that as the right thing to do?
Living apart is not what movies show, that's for sure. You don't ride down a hill in a white horse and say: "Halloooo, Silver!", while chewing tobacco in a way that tells everyone how tough and cool you are. It's more like missing a leg: you can live, yet it makes it harder. People also rely all these feelings on someone they choose as their "loved one", but she often wonders if love has anything to do with that, because they seem to find it easy to pick someone up. It's as if their love machine worked way faster and efficiently than the one God equipped her with. That's just presumption, though, one can't pass judgement on those people before actually getting into their heads. Which would be weird.
It's way harder for people like her to stick around. She is meant to shape, not to be shaped. She is a creator, someone willing to make the world according to her views, and not letting it to behave otherwise. A romantic concept that leaves you in a place where everything has to be made again. And you are alone on this new path, since the rest of the world prefers the fashionable highway already built and needing nothing from you to exist.
Her path looks like the righteous choice. But the others don't complain about the highway, what if re-shaping the world is not that good idea after all? What if you can't build strong pillars for the new highway? What if there are no other pillars or you fail at setting them up?
See? It's hard. When you're thirteen you're supposed to enjoy and feel the warmth of being protected, not to think in terms of arquitecture, goddamnit! On the other hand, what if Joan Of Arc would have lived her life as anyone else? What if she preferred to hang around the village instead of leading a rebellion? She wouldn't be part of history, she would be another forgotten woman who at some point of her road decided to get the highway... at the time probably upon a cart dragged by a mule. She likes that picture. Not the one being dragged by the mule, but the part where someone stands up for what she believes.
She liked to picture herself as some sort of modern Joan of Arc, leading people to her new road, working on it together and showing the world that there was another way available. She also wondered if she had what it takes to rule such a revolutionary project. That's not like one of those projects where one has to build a volcano with tomato sauce, it's rather like building a real volcano, fire explosions and earthquakes included.
Historically speaking, people leading rebellions ended up in very different ways, noone of them looking so pleasant to her eyes. Rarely they were much fun, other people thought they weren't friendly enough and chopped their heads off, or sent them on permanent vacation to little two square meters apartments barely furnished and roughly decorated.
In the end, they probably just coped with situations they didn't think they could even deal with. It's not a matter of waiting for better times, but making them the best possible: standing up defending your beliefs, sticking to them faithfully, and yet taking it emotionally easy, if you know what I mean. Seems kinda preposterous, accepting circumstances when you're willing to change them, but it's not. It's like "Ok, I got pissed off. It's not gonna be the last time. Now what?". And try to answer that question.
Because you know what half-a-meter green creatures say, fear leads to anger, anger to hate...
