I just saw Avatar 3D at the IMAX.
Canada officially owes the world an apology for yet another 'artist' who needs to be taken out back and beaten to death with *himself*, because no weapon of any kind could possibly deserve the defilement of being used against James Cameron.
'Unobtainium'? Why not make the ships out of 'Unfuckwithablebygoddamnedeight-foot-arrowsshotbytenfoottallbluestripedidiotswithnotechnologymoreadvancedthanstickswithstringsonthemium' if you're just going to be so blatantly pulling your own cum out of your ass and pretending that everyone else needs to see it and pretend that it's film writing?
Or how about brilliant plot devices like 'outsider is met with apprehension, eventually trusted, temporarily distrusted after blinding flash of the obvious reveals what every character would have known if they weren't so busy jerking themselves off to a goddamned tree and being stupid hippies for no good reason, trusted again after display of great prowess in entirely irrelevant nonsense, and becomes one with foreign society after victory over an entirely predictable and stupid enemy is achieved' that have *never* been used before at all?
Perhaps what a film really needs is having every possible scene of interest and action entirely cliched, including the supposedly epic final battle in which flying things do strange things that are hard to follow because shoddy camera work increases suspense, bad things happen to the side the audience is expected to root for, all hope seems lost for the entirely artificial 'good guys', hope is suddenly regained after a turn of events that couldn't have been more predictable if it was screamed at the audience before the film started, and finally evil is destroyed by the advantages of said 'good guys' because that makes for happy endings... oh, wait, every single idea there sucks and those who try to bring it about again should be burnt alive for crimes against 'not being a fuckhead'.
As much as I hate to be that stupid asshole who can't stay within a 0-10 scale when requested, there is no number *at all* that suits this film adequately. Even if there was such a number, I would feel bad for associating Avatar with it - a number could rape my family to death and eat half of my brain for dinner with a Bud Light while watching football and listening to Billy Ray Cyrus without getting to such a low level of esteem that being placed in the same sentence as Avatar wouldn't seem like a crime.
I could have made for a more pleasant three hours by sitting on flaming radioactive porcupines, and I even drank beforehand to try to numb the kind of pure, uncontrollable hatred that I feared that the film could bring out. The film even squandered a goddamned *Sigourney Weaver* appearance. Still, James Cameron had to retell one stupid part of just about every regurgitated cliche that he could possibly imagine, throw in striped blue elf-lizards, and then just completely ruin any hope that the entire farce wasn't just an attempt at filling some stupid fetish of his by SHOVING STRIPED BLUE ELF-LIZARD TITS INTO THE CORNER OF MY EYES EVERY GODDAMNED MINUTE.
Fuck you, James Cameron. I hope you get shot through the chest with a decent fucking screenplay that doesn't require massive CGI budgets, famous actors, and everything every other movie could have done without, because that seems to be the only thing that doesn't get you off like an Energizer bunny with the batteries in backwards.
Jeff
Only thing that gets dubbed here are the cartoons and kids movies, and the cinemas almost always have both an english and a swedish dubbed version
