Im bored, here are the reasons black metal is stupid.
1. They think shitty production is "cold and necro". What the hell does that even mean? Do you have to put on a jumper to listen to it? The only reason early black metal albums had bad production was BECAUSE THEY COULDNT AFFORD ANYTHING ELSE. Now every moron who plays black metal thinks a shitty production is how it "should" sound, which makes them trend following poser bitches that Manowar would make leave the hall.
2. Satyricon. This band SUCKS. Aside from Fuel For Hatred their music is crap. Yet people fellate them like they are the greatest band ever. I think its because Satyr always goes on about how great they are and everyone is too scared to say otherwise. He must have incriminating pictures of everyone who listens to black metal. He needs to be slapped on his googy egg head and told how crap his band is.
3. Corpse paint and breathing fire. Ok, yes I agree it looks cool sometimes, but KISS DID IT FIRST AND BEST. Your evil necro black metallers are all bad Kiss cover bands.
I especially like it when black metallers tell you it ISNT makeup, its corpse paint. Taken from the Day Of The Dead in Mexico. Yeah, looking like Grim Fandango is evil, YOU MORONS. Pull another frowny face why dont you. At least Abbath had the balls to admit that they do it for the theatrical aspect and not because they think they are Lucifers fourth cousin, second removed on their aunts side.
PURE, GRIM AND NECRO BLACK METAL!
4. The bands that go on and on about how they are nihilists and hateful, and dont want their music to be accessible to the masses. Yet have a website that ANYONE IN THE WORLD CAN VISIT AND CHECK OUT THEIR SAMPLES. Poser bitches.
5. The whole anti christian think. Its PATHETIC. They pick the absolute WEAKEST religion out there to pick on. Black metallers are whiny little poser bitches who dont have the balls to pick on anything other than the weakest ideology out there.
Know why theres never been a black metal album about how much the Muslim religion sucks? Because they would be tracked down and killed by some extremist, they know it, I know it, so they stick to christianty because the people into that are always forgiving, easily scared and stupid.
6. They frown all the time. ALL THE TIME. Its like they know that after every single photo they take they will have a pineapple shoved up their ass and thus they can never be truly happy knowing the fate that awaits them after each photo session.
7. If a band sells more than 5000 copies they are automatically mainstream and thus no longer tr00.
8. Mayhem actually have "The true Mayhem" as their logo. Seriously. Are there a bunch of other Mayhems running around out there and they had to let everyone know which is the true one? How do they know they are the true one anyway? It could be one of the other ones. Seems rather self important.
9. They take everything SO seriously. If you dressed up in a mermaid suit, farted on their head and then threw a bucket of piss over one of them, the other people in the band wouldnt even laugh. Thats how serious they are. The sit through The Simpsons and dont laugh. What the hell kind of weird ass moron could do that? The black metal kind. They are just jealous that Krusty The Clown has WAY better corpse paint than they will ever have.
1. They think shitty production is "cold and necro". What the hell does that even mean? Do you have to put on a jumper to listen to it? The only reason early black metal albums had bad production was BECAUSE THEY COULDNT AFFORD ANYTHING ELSE. Now every moron who plays black metal thinks a shitty production is how it "should" sound, which makes them trend following poser bitches that Manowar would make leave the hall.
2. Satyricon. This band SUCKS. Aside from Fuel For Hatred their music is crap. Yet people fellate them like they are the greatest band ever. I think its because Satyr always goes on about how great they are and everyone is too scared to say otherwise. He must have incriminating pictures of everyone who listens to black metal. He needs to be slapped on his googy egg head and told how crap his band is.
3. Corpse paint and breathing fire. Ok, yes I agree it looks cool sometimes, but KISS DID IT FIRST AND BEST. Your evil necro black metallers are all bad Kiss cover bands.
I especially like it when black metallers tell you it ISNT makeup, its corpse paint. Taken from the Day Of The Dead in Mexico. Yeah, looking like Grim Fandango is evil, YOU MORONS. Pull another frowny face why dont you. At least Abbath had the balls to admit that they do it for the theatrical aspect and not because they think they are Lucifers fourth cousin, second removed on their aunts side.
PURE, GRIM AND NECRO BLACK METAL!
4. The bands that go on and on about how they are nihilists and hateful, and dont want their music to be accessible to the masses. Yet have a website that ANYONE IN THE WORLD CAN VISIT AND CHECK OUT THEIR SAMPLES. Poser bitches.
5. The whole anti christian think. Its PATHETIC. They pick the absolute WEAKEST religion out there to pick on. Black metallers are whiny little poser bitches who dont have the balls to pick on anything other than the weakest ideology out there.
Know why theres never been a black metal album about how much the Muslim religion sucks? Because they would be tracked down and killed by some extremist, they know it, I know it, so they stick to christianty because the people into that are always forgiving, easily scared and stupid.
6. They frown all the time. ALL THE TIME. Its like they know that after every single photo they take they will have a pineapple shoved up their ass and thus they can never be truly happy knowing the fate that awaits them after each photo session.
7. If a band sells more than 5000 copies they are automatically mainstream and thus no longer tr00.
8. Mayhem actually have "The true Mayhem" as their logo. Seriously. Are there a bunch of other Mayhems running around out there and they had to let everyone know which is the true one? How do they know they are the true one anyway? It could be one of the other ones. Seems rather self important.
9. They take everything SO seriously. If you dressed up in a mermaid suit, farted on their head and then threw a bucket of piss over one of them, the other people in the band wouldnt even laugh. Thats how serious they are. The sit through The Simpsons and dont laugh. What the hell kind of weird ass moron could do that? The black metal kind. They are just jealous that Krusty The Clown has WAY better corpse paint than they will ever have.
Thats gold. Whoever that black metal band was has earned my respect for being honest 
