Hoser Hellspawn.
"Hellspawn" derives from the latin root "Helspa", evolved from a long line of pathetic chess players. My relatives reside mostly in obscure parts of Gibraltar, with a few in Luxembourg.
"Hoser" is a distictly Canadian first name, derived from the popular late 70's/early 80's sketch comedy SCTV and it's Bob & Doug McKenzie characters.
...or, alternatively, Kevin Lanthier.
Kevin is Irish, it means "handsome", and Lanthier is obviously french in origin, from Normandy, specifically. Although, my branch of the family has been Canadian for over 300 years.