- Nov 5, 2006
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Ah, gateway bands, everyone who's now into extreme metal has them but not everyone defines them the same way. Personally, I define them as different from entry level bands (or albums). Entry level, to me, refers to black and death metal bands that I began with and still hold in high regard. Gateway bands are bands that helped me transition into extreme metal but do not have the same effect on me anymore. Gateway bands become watered down, tame, and are sometimes just flat out awful when your taste becomes a powerhouse of sheer quality. Evolution uses the biologically inferior to do its bidding and kills them once they are too weak to survive under its conditions. Such is true of gateway bands and I will be dedicating the following paragraphs to the bands, my current opinions on them, and my outbursts that end with breaking a whiskey bottle over the head of my former self for liking such trash.
First up is Opeth. Probably the most common gateway band there is. Are they good today? Well, maybe not the worst offense but they're terrible song-writers and it does sound watered down going back. I don't really have any negative things to say about the band otherwise.
Ensiferum was like the most amazaballz band to me prior to realizing that I don't like to carry around a cheese grater when I listen to metal.
I still like Lunar Strain but I'd listen to anything by In Flames back in the day. I think I remember some jumpdafuckup moments between the Iron Maiden harmonies on later albums (maybe Colony?). Taste in metal that hasn't undergone enough fine tuning is a fragile soul that's easily misled.
Cradle of Filth was pretty fucking mean before I had the balls to listen to convicted murderers and arsonists.
Children of Bodom is the enigma as far as gateway bands go for me. This is where I take a step back and interrogate myself as to how I could have ever liked this band. If there is any reason whatsoever as to why this is a gateway band for me, it's the vocals. Hell, I could've easily skipped a step and jumped right into black metal since there aren't harsh vocals anywhere in the genre that could possibly be more grating than Alexi Laiho screeching mispronounced lyrics. Man, the music must have been good to make up for the vocals, right? WRONG. This is the Dairy Queen of metal, down to every last one of their earliest albums. This is music to play for someone with lactose intolerance who you for some reason want dead. This is pure cheese, moldy cheese, pepperjack, you name it! This is the stinky cheese of cheese asshole metal. I can think of only one reason why I liked this band and that's that I was still recovering from guitar virtuosity fetishism. Oh well, a long story short is that I learned to eat cheese instead of listen to it (except cottage cheese, fuck cottage cheese).
First up is Opeth. Probably the most common gateway band there is. Are they good today? Well, maybe not the worst offense but they're terrible song-writers and it does sound watered down going back. I don't really have any negative things to say about the band otherwise.
Ensiferum was like the most amazaballz band to me prior to realizing that I don't like to carry around a cheese grater when I listen to metal.
I still like Lunar Strain but I'd listen to anything by In Flames back in the day. I think I remember some jumpdafuckup moments between the Iron Maiden harmonies on later albums (maybe Colony?). Taste in metal that hasn't undergone enough fine tuning is a fragile soul that's easily misled.
Cradle of Filth was pretty fucking mean before I had the balls to listen to convicted murderers and arsonists.
Children of Bodom is the enigma as far as gateway bands go for me. This is where I take a step back and interrogate myself as to how I could have ever liked this band. If there is any reason whatsoever as to why this is a gateway band for me, it's the vocals. Hell, I could've easily skipped a step and jumped right into black metal since there aren't harsh vocals anywhere in the genre that could possibly be more grating than Alexi Laiho screeching mispronounced lyrics. Man, the music must have been good to make up for the vocals, right? WRONG. This is the Dairy Queen of metal, down to every last one of their earliest albums. This is music to play for someone with lactose intolerance who you for some reason want dead. This is pure cheese, moldy cheese, pepperjack, you name it! This is the stinky cheese of cheese asshole metal. I can think of only one reason why I liked this band and that's that I was still recovering from guitar virtuosity fetishism. Oh well, a long story short is that I learned to eat cheese instead of listen to it (except cottage cheese, fuck cottage cheese).
