The following post is from the BAM Facebook group, written by an older lady under a picture from Alexi at the 2019 hexed NA tour, where he looked really thin. I had tears in my eyes after reading this. I felt like I had to share it here.
I did the meet n greet in NYC, 4/2019,he was not his usual self. when It was my turn to chat, and hand him a few gifts and a card.. he remembered me as always from other meet n greets and shows and he signed my cds and his autobiography and battle jacket. the someone In the crowd yells out a out his weight and how he should eat something. he just looked at me with those sad blue eyes , and I put my arm around him, and said " oh sweetie, we all worry because we love you, as a mother I'm worried. you didn't have to finish the tour." he looked at me and said" but I have to, its my job. you always cared about me, thank you for caring"
I couldn't do a big embrace because I was afraid I'd hurt him, and also, that he just may have fallen apart mentally, which would not be good before a performance. then he reached out and touched my arm, and said, " thank you for always truely caring about me, I'll be OK " we blew each other a kiss, and with that i left the line and had to pull myself together, thinking this may be the last time.
Could be totally me lolThe last time I tried to draw a tree, I go so angry, I had to lay down and count to ten
Ok I have been thinking about this a lot lately:
In October, right before the three BAM shows I had this dream:
I went to Tavastia couple hours early like usual, just to make sure I get front row and there was SO MANY people there I couldn't imagine them all fitting into the venue. I was in the queue a bit nervous, did they oversell the show? What the fuck is going on? I look around and do the usual pocket check that I have the ticket with me and haven't left it at the hotel or anything. I put my hand in the pocket and the pockets of my jacket and jeans are just overflowing with setlists and tickets from old shows. Everything I pull out of there is a past show's ticket. I start panicking a bit by now and decide to walk somewhere away from the crowd, I ask someone to hold my spot in the queue and walk around a corner to have a smoke.
There, around the corner on the street, there's this case. A long one. You know the kind they bring the band's gear into the venue with. And there's smoke coming out of the side. I go closer to see if I need to find somebody to stop a fire. Then I kneel next to the box and open the hatch. Alexi is there in the box.
"You found me?" He asks and I ask him what the fuck he is doing.
"Well I uhh... I just wanted to have a cigarette privately?"
I told him "But keep the hatch open, you're gonna choke with the smoke in there or burn yourself!"
"Yeah... Good point. I just wanted to have a cigarette. You always find me somehow!"
"Yeah, but I won't bother you if you don't want to talk."
"It's ok, let's have a smoke together."
So we smoke the cigarettes and before I'm finished he gets carried away, I tell him have a good show.
I get back to the queue, I manage to find my ticket. The doors open and I somehow get through the rush of people and get my jacket into the wardrobe, get into the concert hall.
Silence. No one there. No one comes in. Everyone has just disappeared completely, except there's two japanese girls in there too but they don't hear me when I try to talk. Band just doesn't come on stage no matter how long we wait. I try to buy a beer from the bar but the counter is so tall that the bartender doesn't see me, a huge jug of water falls down and I get showered with icy water.
I wake up and wonder wtf this means. We talked about this in the queue too. But I just couldn't think it was anything bad, we made some jokes that they're smuggling Alexi in the venue in a box so he have his privacy.
This just gives me chills.
Yeah, I know what you mean. I remember like maybe six years ago I had a dream that wasn't really anything strange except it was just a fact that Ville Valo was dead. It was like I was the only one who didn't know that he was dead and people were like "What? You didn't know? He died like ten years ago!" It was so strange that when I woke up I actually thought it was true for a while until I just got this "but??????" feeling and googled it. I was so relieved!This reminds me, I shit you not, but during summer 2020 I had a dream that Alexi was dead and I was confusingly devastated by that in the dream. Like when people see their family member suddenly dead devastated. The sadness was really overflowing.
When I woke up I was pretty surprised by how strong my reaction was in a dream, since I haven't been listening COB that much in years. I remember that I also told my girlfriend about how weirdly strong reaction I had about it in a dream.
Man I really fuckin miss waiting for a new COB album and going to their shows. I don't even know wtf to wait for these days. I like so many other bands but I don't care as much and the best shit is all in the past. I really need some new bands to get excited about. It's just kinda hard because if someone tells me to check something out it' s very likely I just don't care I have to find it myself to get into it