I have a question for you all, because I'm tired of trying to figure it out myself.

Captain Beard

Captain Beard

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Sep 6, 2001
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So I decided to stay an extra day here in SF, and tell work something like I was stranded and ask to burn off a vacation day. THAT part is easy. Getting my parents to not threaten me is harder. I tell them the same, and they ask me to catch the 7 am bus so I can work tomorrow because they expect me to (parents, not work).

1. Work will gladly use a vacation day.

2. I'd think at 24 its supposed to be my choice anymore, but my father seems to disagree.

After having to talk to him twice earlier, I was in a pretty sad mood, so I went outside to sulk and Reuben decided to keep me company so we went for a medium walk. The man likes to live my life for me and damn my opinion on the side. We haven't gotten along in some time and these trips are making our rocky relationship worse. I can't simply startch up my spine and tell him to fuck off because I'll just be told if I don't like it I can move out. Odin knows I'm TRYING to, but its going to take time, and personally, I'm damn sick of this. I've got to wait 5 months to move, and he wants to make them the most miserable ones I've ever had.

I have no intention of coming home at 7 am to go to work at 3 and be tired and zombiefied all fucking day.

So, I ask this.

1. What the hell should I tell him when I say I didn't catch a cab at 7 and am not going to work?

2. What would you all do in this situation where you can't move yet and just want to drink yourself into a goddamned coma?

I'm up in arms about what I can do for myself anymore. :erk:
 
Hmm, this is a tough one. You could take the option of saying you slept through your alarm and woke up when it was far too late to take the bus. Really, this sort of thing happens all too often. I suspect he'll see the fabrication, but ultimately, you can play apologetic and pacify him to some degree.

It's a damned shame, really. You've described your job and I don't recall you much mentioning taking extra days off very often, so it's obvious you have a hell of a work ethic. He's obviously being unreasonable, but that just makes it harder to effectively argue your position. So you can either play up the irresponsibility he seems to expect but maintain some sort of facade of not meaning to i.e. being apologetic or going ahead with it and saying that you just needed a day because you're feeling overly-stressed. I get the feeling he's not going to be understanding, but it seems confrontation is only going to make things harder for you.
 
I try not to burn days because I like to use them for these trips, really. Some unfortunate circumstances HAVE come up where I had to use more then I cared to, but this was an anomaly. I don't really care what work thinks, honestly, I'm just hanging in there at this point until I give 'em the finger, but I try to show up for the most part and do my job.

The hardest part is the 55 year old male residing at the same residence as me. I don't think I've ever actually been completely free to decide for myself since 18.

The closest Reuben could come was the overslept thing too. I suppose I'll just have to try it and hope he doesn't decide to "punish" me in some form. Oy.
 
im trying to figure out a good answer but really the only way you can tell him is by telling him the truth. you didnt want to be all tired and shit for work so you didnt take the cab at 7. on the other part with you wanting to move out, i would just let the 5 months pass by and then youll be moving out.

like i said, really, you just got stand up to him and tell him the truth. your 24 and shouldnt be trying to make excuses to your father for stuff like this. im 14 so for all i know i could be wrong but thats just my input. i just hope everything will work out in the end for you
 
The biggest problem is confrontation may very well lead to displacement from the home. He sees himself as ruler and doesn't like being told he isn't.
 
Captain Beard said:
The biggest problem is confrontation may very well lead to displacement from the home. He sees himself as ruler and doesn't like being told he isn't.
Click to expand...
well he IS the man of the house. youre pretty lucky hes still letting you stay there. he couldve already kicked you out of the house
 
No shit. I'm trying to get out as soon as I can so he can't be so damned overbearing anymore but I can't handle the fact I'm still being controlled from 200 fucking miles away. You think I'm not aware I could have been out before? Its why I never spoke up, he always pulls that threat out. "If you don't like it you can move out!" When I say I'm working on it, I usually get "Oh, you'll move before that." The last 3 years of my life have been a joke but I tried to keep it off the board and deal with it quietly with a few trusted others. But it's getting too goddamned tiring so I'm just ketting it go so all know why I'm so damn random.
 
His manner, from what you describe David, strikes me more as someone just being lord of his house, but controlling. That's why I suggested the sleep in and apologize bit, as it seems to me he likes being able to "tell you what for" and all that crap. Confrontation will just make the situation harder. So you either do what he wants, or don't do it, but try to placate him. Don't blame you for being maddeningly frustrated.
 
Thats why I made the thread. I know most of you can't give an answer that would work, but god, I hope one can in relation to deaking with him.

I'll try the apologetics, but I still am unsure how to deal with him any other way. And this is beyond maddening man. I want to open a window and just yell into the foggy night air until I lose my voice. Call this all emo if you guys want, maybe it is, but shit, you would be too.
 
Here's what I would do..
I would call work...notify them that you are in a situation where you have to stay in SF for one more day.
After you get the OK from your work, call your folks. Tell them that you decided to stay in SF for one more day, and you called your work ahead of time, and they were totally fine with that. Essentially, you got another day off to hang out with people you don't see often...there isn't anything wrong with that.

My parents were/are very controlling and paranoid. When things went downhill, I would usually escape by getting out of the house...or absorbing myself in something else like drawing, schoolwork, gardening..blah.

Try to distance yourself a little if you're trying to avoid confrontation. And for the next 5 months, get prepared for the move. Look for apartments in newspapers, compare prices, see the places in person, pick one, blah blah...all of that fun stuff (if you haven't done that already).

I hope you'll find a place you'll be happy living in :)
 
Bacchante said:
Here's what I would do..
I would call work...notify them that you are in a situation where you have to stay in SF for one more day.
After you get the OK from your work, call your folks. Tell them that you decided to stay in SF for one more day, and you called your work ahead of time, and they were totally fine with that. Essentially, you got another day off to hang out with people you don't see often...there isn't anything wrong with that.

My parents were/are very controlling and paranoid. When things went downhill, I would usually escape by getting out of the house...or absorbing myself in something else like drawing, schoolwork, gardening..blah.

Try to distance yourself a little if you're trying to avoid confrontation. And for the next 5 months, get prepared for the move. Look for apartments in newspapers, compare prices, see the places in person, pick one, blah blah...all of that fun stuff (if you haven't done that already).

I hope you'll find a place you'll be happy living in :)
Click to expand...

Sean and I are looking at things in November when we all come back for Blind Guardian I believe. Work really can't say no to me as it is, so they were never an issue really. Padre on the other hand may just get mad anyway even if I present that I don't et much time with these guys, but I'll try for apologetics and truth without confrontation, and if he gets mad, well... I can't help him with that.
 
Yea mang, there's not much more you can do than that...
Just try to stay calm and unconfrontational...doing the opposite will only make things worse..

5 months isn't that long if you pace yourself and keep your mind busy with other things.
 
I'll do my best. I just wish it were a little easier. I already have a naturally high stress level without the added weight of the past few years, and especially the past year. Getting worn down and tired too early.
 
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