There was a plane crash in the middle of nowhere.There was nothing around but one house.The 3 survivors went to the house to see if they could persuade the old lady inside to let them buy some groceries.The 1st guy said,"You guys wait here.I'll go inside."So he went inside and asked the woman if he could buy some food.She said,"Only after you have sex with me." Not knowing what awaits him,he said yes.The woman took off her panties and there was a huge scab on her vagina.He peeled it off and threw it out the window.He went at it like a monkey and when he was done,he walked outside with food and said,"OK guys,we can eat now."The other 2 men replied,"But we already ate."The 1st guy replied,"What do you mean?"They said," Oh,we ate that pizza you threw out the window!"
Jokes
- Thread starter saxonfan
- Start date
Black Lagoon
Member
Paxoman
Member
dragonmaiden
Lady of the Vale Forlorn
hhehehe!,,,,,,, gross or what!,,,,,,, nothing like a fish topped pizza , with extra plum red tomattos!,,,,,, 
3 generations of prostitutes are talking about hard times.The daughter says" You know I can only get 20 quid for a blow job."The mother says, "When I was your age I only got 3 quid for a blow job and was very happy to get it."Grandmother goes on to say,"When I was your age we gave blow jobs just to get something warm in our bellies."
Sammi951
Member
Here's one to get Saxonfan back for that sexist joke...
"Why do men have their best ideas whilst having sex??"
"Cos they are plugged in to a fucking genius"!!
Aint that the truth!! ;-)
"Why do men have their best ideas whilst having sex??"
"Cos they are plugged in to a fucking genius"!!
Aint that the truth!!
;-)
Black Lagoon
Member
Sammi951
Member
Twisted Tony
Old School Metalhead
I am sure to get alot of flak for this but I don't care! Here goes:
What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing! You told the bitch twice already!!!! 
What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing! You told the bitch twice already!!!!
Sammi951
Member
Sammi951
Member
Oooh, Tony....you're treading on thin ice there!! I like that one actually - appeals to my strange sense of humour!!
I like that one actually - appeals to my strange sense of humour!!
Twisted Tony
Old School Metalhead
Migraine Headaches
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.
"Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience.
When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"
"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."
"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice house."
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.
"Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience.
When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"
"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."
"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice house."
