*sigh*/*facepalm*
I didn't "manhandle" the mouse. I used it for click-intensive design and drawing work in both Illustrator and Photoshop last semester (last fall, for both Comp Art and Digital Imaging classes), and if you miss the INVISIBLE CLICKING POINT on either side accidentally, your shit just gets totally screwed; this is such an unnecessary feature...why couldn't they just make a normal mouse with clearly delineated buttons? It fucking sucks, end of story.
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You can turn those buttons off you know. Very simple problem to fix.