Males and Females

[CF87]

Nono I mean stabbed her or something.

 

[Serjeant Grumbles]

Really? Nobody else picking up on the Seinfeld reference? SHAME

I did, but I didn't read it in time.

 

[arg]

so i went to this asian massage place to get a massage. i really just wanted a massage for some tension in my back, neck and soldiers. my masseuse, a young chinese girl who was pretty cute, was doing quite a good job. then she started rubbing my dick. i laughed and said no thank you. then she said "ok? eet feel gud. 40 dollah". again i politely declined, saying just the massage is fine. but then her face got sad and she pouted. she seemed so disappointed and like she really wanted to jack me off. now i just can't fucking stand making a cute girl sad, so my heart melted for her and i said "ok ok go ahead"

so she drizzled some oil on my dick and started stroking it. she also played with my balls and stimulated my butthole. she had a good technique and was really giving an effort. so i came, she cleaned me up, i gave a nice big hug and said thanks baby you were amazing. she had a big smile on her face which made me happy.

i try to sound like a hardass on the internet but im just a fucking softie. if an attractive syrian refugee (and i do see some in pictures) was in front of me looking sad and offered me a handjob, id probably say yeah ok you can live in this country.

 

[CiG]

You left out the part where you paid her the extra $40 because her advertisement pouting worked.

 

[Onder]

i try to sound like a hardass on the internet but im just a fucking softie. if an attractive syrian refugee (and i do see some in pictures) was in front of me looking sad and offered me a handjob, id probably say yeah ok you can live in this country.

Hahah you're acting like she legitimately wanted to jerk you off. So basically if a Syrian refugee wants to enter your mighty aug country, makes a cute face and promises she's not a terrorist you let her in and give her cash after all. Or does everybody have to touch your dick for you to trade with them? Is that the only market you deem suitable for colored people.

That's how it often ends in life my children. Sometimes the most vocal supporters of some offensive idea can be simply bent like a twig if you touch their penis - and that is often small. /fairytale narration ending

 

[CiG]

I love the way Arg glosses over the part where she charged him money, as if lending his cock to her soiled underhand was a favour so graciously given by him.

The man is either a monolithic prat or a comedian of the highest order.

 

[arg]

haha yes id let them in if theyd pleasure my dick

 

[Krow]

For $40 I'll beat myself off.

 

[Dak]

I love the way Arg glosses over the part where she charged him money, as if lending his cock to her soiled underhand was a favour so graciously given by him.

The man is either a monolithic prat or a comedian of the highest order.

Everyone knows aug pays for the sex he gets; he doesn't need to go into any detail about the transactional part of his flings.

 

[CiG]

Oh I'm well aware, it's just that this time it was as if he thinks he was doing her a favour, hahaha.
Such self-delusion.

 

[arg]

i'm the fucking statue of liberty for whores. my phallus is a shining beacon of hope. bring me your huddled masses!

 

[Satanstoenail]

A shining three inch beacon of hope.

The man is either a monolithic prat or a comedian of the highest order.

I don't see why the two have to be mutually exclusive.

 

[Omni]

They might need a magnifying glass to find that statue of hope.

 

[Master_Yoda77]

#rekt

But seriously, that was a hilarious story. 8.5/10 arg. Keep em cummin'

 

[CiG]

The cunt just has cash to throw away on dirty bitches, how about give me some money and I'll teach you how to get your dick wet for free you nerdy fuck.

 

[arg]

^lol why are you mad

#rekt

But seriously, that was a hilarious story. 8.5/10 arg. Keep em cummin'

more is coming bud, it's almost time for my annual european pilgrimage

 

[CiG]

I'm Bruce Banner.

 

[Master_Yoda77]

Damnit aug, you need to hit up Chicago and watch me get beyond fucked up. This time I won't be sick and you can actually buy me some whores.

 

[Onder]

Aug imagine the following scenario. You pay for a brilliant immigrant prostitute, kiss her ass and everything, it's the best whore you ever had, it's the best tasting anus etc. You like her so much you exchange numbers thinking you should repeat it. Later on she calls you about being pregnant with you. She knows it was you because she was only pretending to be a whore so she could fuck with you. She's in love with you and wants to raise the immigrant baby with you. She has a job, she published a book called "Consistency of The Chasm" yet she still doesn't mind that you listen to pedophile music like Nightwish, she doesn't mind your small penis either, she actually likes small penises. She drives a Bentley.

Would you have her baby or would you actually abort a perfectly good Abdul Al Salaam Sawhir?

 

[The Ozzman]

Aug imagine the following scenario. You pay for a brilliant immigrant prostitute, kiss her ass and everything, it's the best whore you ever had, it's the best tasting anus etc. You like her so much you exchange numbers thinking you should repeat it. Later on she calls you about being pregnant with you. She knows it was you because she was only pretending to be a whore so she could fuck with you. She's in love with you and wants to raise the immigrant baby with you. She has a job, she published a book called "Consistency of The Chasm" yet she still doesn't mind that you listen to pedophile music like Nightwish, she doesn't mind your small penis either, she actually likes small penises. She drives a Bentley.

Would you have her baby or would you actually abort a perfectly good Abdul Al Salaam Sawhir?

If there were a category for 'Top GMD posts of all time', this would be a candidate

Anyway, the lady and I talked and we're just going to see each other when we can with no commitments (ie like you would have with boyfriend/girlfriend). I can basically do what I need to do until she gets her shit together too.