Males and Females

i hate "the pursuit". so much uncertainty and doubt, sifting through layers of bullshit, doing out-of-character pathetic crap, and often leads to pain and suffering.

It's why I'm single all the time. I'm way too lazy to put effort into trying to get laid or get a girlfriend. It also doesn't help that I'm a complete dumbass when it comes to women.
 
Zeph, even brainiacademics like you are human. It's not weird or abnormal or weak or anything to keep thinking about bitches. Maybe a sloppy, moderately unpleasant one night stand would sort out your priorities and turn you off the idea of ladyfriends for a while? It took waking up next to some random semi-midget with tribal tattoos in an Econo Lodge for me to realize I don't need dudes to be happy...of course shortly thereafter I met Hairdresser Ex and met MP while I was with Hairdresser Ex; you can never time these things well.

MP dropped the "This is serious" bomb on me at dinner on Friday. We were talking about where we want to live when we move back to America and he said "but if you don't want to go to Austin, that's okay too. I just want to be where you are." I suddenly feel like we are Carrie and Mr. Big on "Sex and the City," only I am Mr. Big with the want-to-vomit gut reaction to commitment.
 
I'm pretty drunk right now after going to a party.

I realized that there's this girl I've subconsciously liked for over a year, who now goes to school down in Portland, might be up here in Bangor this summer, but it would be impossible to get anywhere with because she used to date one of my housemates, with whom I have to live until the end of August. She's very pretty, likes Metal and languages and shit, and we talk online from time to time, but shit man, given the circumstances there's really nothing I can do about it. Best I can hope for is we hang out in person this summer and just maybe something sparks up.

It's like my mind immediately jumps to the next potential opportunity for having a girl. It's like I can't function mentally unless there is either some girl I'm in pursuit of or some girl I already have. Been the case for years now, and since most of that was filled up by my previous two-year relationship, the drive to pursue someone else is all the more.

Maybe it's a survival mechanism. So long as I'm 'in pursuit', even if it's just a mental pursuit, I can avoid the despair of prolonged loneliness which has always been my greatest fear in life.

After you get broken up with a few times after really caring about them, this will probably change. Seems like you've been doing the breaking off in your recent ones, which is always a lot less painful. I used to be the same way, then got tired of getting hurt and realized it's ok to be single and not talking to anybody for a while.
 
MP dropped the "This is serious" bomb on me at dinner on Friday. We were talking about where we want to live when we move back to America and he said "but if you don't want to go to Austin, that's okay too. I just want to be where you are."

Isn't this a good thing based on your recent postS? It's the natural progression of a good relationship.
 
So I picked up a girl last night and went back to her place and while I was undressing she pulled a crate out of her cupboard, upended it on the floor and it was full of sex toys. I was relieved that there was no strap-on. She also owns a python (literally) and I got to hold it. Good times.

:lol: Score!

It's like my mind immediately jumps to the next potential opportunity for having a girl. It's like I can't function mentally unless there is either some girl I'm in pursuit of or some girl I already have. Been the case for years now, and since most of that was filled up by my previous two-year relationship, the drive to pursue someone else is all the more.

Maybe it's a survival mechanism. So long as I'm 'in pursuit', even if it's just a mental pursuit, I can avoid the despair of prolonged loneliness which has always been my greatest fear in life.

Monkey genes my friend.

MP dropped the "This is serious" bomb on me at dinner on Friday. We were talking about where we want to live when we move back to America and he said "but if you don't want to go to Austin, that's okay too. I just want to be where you are." I suddenly feel like we are Carrie and Mr. Big on "Sex and the City," only I am Mr. Big with the want-to-vomit gut reaction to commitment.

So what are you thinking?
 
The fruit of my pursuit:

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Isn't this a good thing based on your recent posts? It's the natural progression of a good relationship.

I guess. It's a bit of a turn-off and a blow to my image of MP as "so independent he doesn't need me" but I am happy to be part of a future together.
 
I guess. It's a bit of a turn-off and a blow to my image of MP as "so independent he doesn't need me" but I am happy to be part of a future together.

Don't mistake needing you for wanting you, if that helps your perception. I'm independent as hell, and don't need a woman for anything (except sex and babies, derp), but I wanted my wife.

Edit: I guess there is a "need" element, but it's more of an intangible, and would disappear if it wasn't reciprocated.
 
Oh I know, it's just a gut "ew, commitment" reaction. I think I've mentioned a few times that I am not a monogamous person by nature and this is all a bit challenging sometimes.

We have had talks about this sort of thing, and his take has always been "I don't need anyone, but I like having you around and I'd like to keep you as long as you'd keep me." D'AWWWW GAY
 
Maybe it's a survival mechanism. So long as I'm 'in pursuit', even if it's just a mental pursuit, I can avoid the despair of prolonged loneliness which has always been my greatest fear in life.

Damn, you nailed it... that's exactly how I'm starting to feel.
 
MP dropped the "This is serious" bomb on me at dinner on Friday. We were talking about where we want to live when we move back to America and he said "but if you don't want to go to Austin, that's okay too. I just want to be where you are." I suddenly feel like we are Carrie and Mr. Big on "Sex and the City," only I am Mr. Big with the want-to-vomit gut reaction to commitment.

Ooh, this is like the big plot twist in the soap opera that is Laura's Life. Will she cave in and settle down... or will there be a cliffhanger episode at the end of the season!
 
Oh I know, it's just a gut "ew, commitment" reaction. I think I've mentioned a few times that I am not a monogamous person by nature and this is all a bit challenging sometimes.

We have had talks about this sort of thing, and his take has always been "I don't need anyone, but I like having you around and I'd like to keep you as long as you'd keep me." D'AWWWW GAY

When I met my wife, I absolutely didn't want to commit to a relationship either, but I loved her so much that I figured I should just go with it. I don't think she wanted to get serious at first either, but we both realized that we finally found someone that was a good match, which is really hard to do, if you think about it.
 
I had a final "conclusive" meeting in the counseling office with Stephanie and my other friend in this whole mess who was going to room with her this Fall, but backed out when she saw how Stephanie was treating me. (this friend, ironically, is my first ex-girlfriend, who is now pretty much my best friend, and she's been on my side of the issue the whole time).

Basically, despite all the threats and abusive bullshit she has committed against me, she still does not realize that the issue is with her not dealing with life. She still thinks it is all my fault for leaving her by the wayside (well guess what, you dumped me genius). She declared never to be friends again, and said the same to Megan (the other friend).

I've always been an open door, and she is determinedly closed. The burden is on her to deal with it and not me.

Anyway, the "resolution" is that we are fine still living together until our lease runs out in August. We will be minimally pleasant as housemates but are to communicate no more than that. Fine with me. I will only have to be here for 7 weeks in the middle of summer and am very mobile beyond that.

So things are said and done but it looks like she learned jack shit from this whole experience. Well I'm sure she'll have a great life henceforth....