Males and Females

Derek is it you?

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Alright, I think I mentioned that I had a date last Saturday, so here's the breakdown. This was posted on another forum, so excuse the variance in writing styles:

So I had a date with this chick tonight and, man, that was one of the better dates I had. It wasn't as awkward this time because it was a double date with two other people I know: My buddy and his wife. His wife works with this woman.

Anyway, her name is Missy (Michelle) and she's a nurse. She works nights (for those not hip with nursing shit, that means she works a 12 hour shift, 7 PM to 7 AM) so that's probably why she hasn't had any success with the whole dating thing. Apparently she hadn't been on a date in a while.

Anyway, so we decided to eat at this place called Dave & Busters. For those not familiar with it, it's a dining establishment with an arcade attached with all kinds of games. It's good for this sort of thing because you can get to know someone without having to put in much effort. Anyway, I get there early (as usual) and my buddy calls me and tells me they're all going to be late. That's cool, so I snag a table in case it gets busy. So 6:45 rolls around and my buddy gets there and tells me his wife is waiting for Missy to arrive. So we bullshit about for a bit.

Anyway, in walks his wife and Missy and hot damn, I thought she was very intimidating at first. I stand up and I'm nose to nose with her immediately. I was rather surprised and didn't really get a good look at whether she was wearing heels or not at first (she wasn't). But anyway, she is a very good looking woman. Anyway, we eat and then bullshit for about an hour just talking about shit and it was mainly her and my buddy's wife just talking about shit that happened at work.

So after that, we go and play some games. She and I played this pirate zombie shoot em up which was pretty entertaining and we had a bunch of fun with that. Then we walked around a bit and found some more games to play etc etc. So at the end of the night we're all walking to the parking lot and the four of us talk some more and my buddy and his wife leave and then Missy and I are alone. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Well, I had a good time

Missy: I did too

Me: We should do this again sometime

Missy: Indeed. I think we should too...do you want my number?

Me: Sure

so I got her number (achievement unlocked) and then I walked her to her car and we talked a bit again and then she left.

tl;dr I went on this date and got this chick's number.

I think the only con about her is that it looks as though she doesn't have an ass. I am disappoint. She has a great sense of humor (and she told me that she's not that outgoing?) too

Yeah, I suck at telling stories but you at least got something about it in detail this time.
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Part II

Okay, so we'll start at the point when I got home from the date:

So I pulled into the lot at my complex and I whip out my phone and I text Hot Nurse: Hey, I had a great time etc etc. So I get in my place and watch some TV and then pass out around 2 AM. The next day, I try to chit chat with her via text, but she's very terse in her responses. After about three texts, I leave her alone. I try to get some more info out of my buddy/his wife since the wife actually works with her. So, I'm getting all excited/paranoid about shit and my buddy just tells me to go do something else ot occupy myself since they are getting perturbed.

Fast forward to Monday night and I get a VERY inflammatory text from my friend, so I give him a call. He told me that his wife got a rundown of Hot Nurse's perspective of the date and he was telling me that I just made her feel even more awkward than she already was. I tend to be overly apologetic about stupid shit if I'm on blind dates/I'm nervous/she's hot/etc and I guess this put up a red flag or whatever. So, he basically tells me that if I keep going down this path I'm going to fuck things up. At this point, my blood pressure hits, like, 160 systole (numerator of the blood pressure for those not hip with medical lingo) because I'm really pissed at how much of a dick my friend is being to me (he's been an asshole since he was, like, 16 and he's been better lately, so I was freaked out). He basically implies that he isn't happy with how I normally am (kinda cynical/pissed off and a chip on my shoulder) and wants me to go back to how I was with my ex (laid back, no worries, etc) and that REALLY fucking pissed me off. Here, I've known this fucker for almost two decades and he just springs this shit on me now? What the fuck? He also implied that you have to play games to get good women, but I'm not about playing games anymore so fuck that bullshit

Anyway, he points out that he just knows that I'm an abrasive personality and that I need to kinda watch that. He also mentioned how he doesn't want to hold my hand through this (and I don't want him to since I need to crash and burn on my own and learn from my mistakes). So we chat for a bit about other shit and then hang up. He told me not to text her until Thursday.

Tuesday-Thursday morning: Stressing the fuck out over this shit. I'm having doubts about whether or not she's interested still. My reasoning is that if she was at least partially interested she would have sent me a text of some sort.

I text her around 1 PM yesterday and eagerly await a response. 5 PM comes: No response. 6, 7, 8 PM: No response. FINALLY at 9:30 AM today I get a response:

HN: Sorry took so long. Wedding this weekend.

Me: How about next weekend?

HN: My weekend to work sorry

Me: Just my luck haha

HN: :) we'll figure out something

Me: How about this: I'll contact you next week sometime about having dinner in the evening. I think we can both swing that.

HN: Ok.

Now, I was expecting a delayed response because of her schedule (although, I really wasn't expecting a response at all because of what my friend implied. However, he did say I have a legit chance at a second date from what he was told, so whatever).

Should I even continue this bullshit? I still have a gut feeling that she's just not interested. If she is at all interested, she's most likely apprehensive given the events that transpired last weekend. I mean, I have a strange feeling I'm going to show up for a dinner date and she won't. Maybe it's just the pessimistic side of me talking, but whatever.
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Please help me UMGMD. What do you think?
 
Keep it simmering on the back burner and don't get any more attached than she apparently is for now. Use all that other free time productively.
 
I noticed that if I'm overly apologetic about things with a new girl I'm talking to, it unleashes their inner bitch at a later date.
 
Maybe you overdid it with all the texting? And perhaps as a result, she might have written you off as being the clingy type. If I were you I would let her be the one to make arrangements for a second date. If she doesn't message you back or express any real interest then you'll have your answer. It's a lot better than pressuring her into another date and have her go along with it if she's not entirely hip to the idea.
 
Vossyrus said:
Maybe you overdid it with all the texting? And perhaps as a result, she might have written you off as being the clingy type. If I were you I would let her be the one to make arrangements for a second date. If she doesn't message you back or express any real interest then you'll have your answer. It's a lot better than pressuring her into another date and have her go along with it if she's not entirely hip to the idea.
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This was always something I was afraid of happening. You're probably on to part of the issue at least. I am definitely not the clingy type, but I can see where she would think that.
 
First impression: she's not interested. I have no clue what's going on with your friend, but he sounds like an asshole. Seriously, who dumps all that on their friend? Do not listen to him about playing games, that is terrible advice.

My advice: continue with this second date since you've already kinda planned it. If she stalls one more time though give up. People are busy, especially nurses, but if she keeps postponing that means she doesn't want to do it. It might be nice to have a real date without others around to form a better opinion of each other.

Don't talk to your friend about women anymore. He sounds like a douche and the last thing you need is someone who will drain your confidence. Women don't want you to be play games, they want you to be nice, confident and to treat them well. Also remember that sometimes things just don't work out. It's not a judgment on you or her that she wasn't into you. It happens.
 
Also, my most recent ex has been going through the loneliness motions lately, and talking to me a lot about how she feels isolated from people and keeps pushing them away because she's unable to trust anyone. I keep giving her reasons why trust and long-term investment in relationships are beneficial and she seems to agree.

And there are times that I just want to her ask for me back a second time, but I keep telling myself that's quixotic to think that way, and that even if it did happen, it's not a good idea to take it. So yeah, I'm not over her, but don't see myself finding anyone else anytime soon, which is the only way I see getting over her. This is exactly what happened after my first ex before my second came along.


Rather unrelated, but Library Girl, the one who wants to talk about Black Metal, I saw today and she had me give her my number and she said she'd text me hers. Hasn't happened yet, and based on the sparse communication she maintains via electronic media, I really have no reason to expect anything out of this. I don't think she has any hidden agenda.
 
...by impaling her slowly and not yet unto death, then raping her in her agony, and finally sacrificing her to the Lord Satan.
 
Ozzman, my 2 cents is that she sounds like she's not interested. Might as well go on that second date but don't get your hopes up. I pretty much agree with everything cookiecutter and Vossyrus said.

Tonight I had a fourth date with this dude who is going to Afghanistan in 9 days. We met for beer and wings, went to a classy wine bar, and played video games at his house. We've had the "timing is no good, I just got out of a relationship and don't want that now" conversation and all that but I still feel really guilty. It's a lot of pressure to be "that girl" that he hangs out with in the days before his deployment, and he is always blowing up my ego with ridiculously sincere compliments. I'm not sure what to do - he's a really great guy but I can't be what he wants me to be.
 
Oh Tuesday is going to be a trying day. If I'm lucky and muster up the courage I might ask a girl out. We shall see.
 
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