Death Aflame
voice of dissent
- Feb 1, 2004
- 2,504
- 2
- 38
- 38
I haven't posted on GMD in awhile so here's my brief take about a girl I have seen a few times recently.
So I used to work with this girl, she's Syrian (I'm white Canadian, with German and English ancestry, for some context) and speaks three languages (Arabic, French, English) and a few months ago she was coming on to me pretty heavily at work, to the point where she basically asked me straight up why I hadn't asked her out yet. My dating history is spotty at best and I have not typically been in the position of the one being pursued, so her aggressive nature caught me off guard. Nonetheless, I figured what the hell, she is a very attractive looking girl (her 'Syrianess' just adds to her sex appeal) so I asked her out a few days later.
We went on a first date and had a good time. One weird highlight from that date is that after I brought her home, she invited me in and I met her Father, who proceeded to ask quite a number of questions about my 'career', 'life goals', etc. At one point the thought occurred to me that he might just straight up ask me about my intentions with his daughter, to which I would have very little to say. Luckily he never did ask me that. The date ended with a hug and a kiss and a promise for future dates.
Not too long after this I began to hear more about her history (mostly from coworkers, and not her directly) and her ongoing relationship with an ex--basically, they hang out a lot still despite not dating/seeing each other. At the same time I learned this game changer I went on holidays for a week, and when I came back she left for 3 weeks on a vacation herself. Before she left I decided, perhaps a poor decision in retrospect, to pursue the second date idea despite learning about her ex. She responded with enthusiasm and said she would text/call/tell me her availability during those 3 weeks and we would get together again. I had doubts about this because of her ongoing ex thing (not sure what to call it) and they were not without reason it turns out. Fast forward to the end of her holiday and she did not contact me once. Compounding this, she gets back from vacation and, typical 21st girl, uploads some photos to facebook. Curiosity gets the best of me and who do I see in the photos hanging out with her but her ex, and in one of the pictures is also kissing her (just on the cheek, but nonetheless not a good sign).
At this point (and I shouldn't over-emphasize my position here, it was just one date and I only ever felt like this could go somewhere and admittedly I did have hopes of it going well) I pretty much said to myself, fuck it. If she is going to say one thing and do another (not contact me) as well as not tell me herself about her ex and their current relationship status then I don't have time for fucking around and stupid, petty drama. This was around the middle of July and from that point on I pretty much ignored her and lived my life without much contact with her.
I was still working with her around this time, just on conflicting shifts, so at least I didn't have to see her all the time, so there was some solace. This lasted for about a month. Come mid August, my time at work was quickly coming to an end (I left to go back to school to pursue a career in Publishing which starts in a couple of weeks) and a few coworkers decide to throw me a going away bash at the local watering hole. Rozana (that's her name) shows up, she was invited of course, but I didn't think much of it. As the night went on and as I had a few too many drinks, we ended up at a pretty seedy dance club. She begins to come on to me, wants to dance in a physical way, grinding, groping, touching sort of stuff. Being a drunkard at that time, I don't resist a pretty girl coming on to me, previous promises to myself go out the window. So things get pretty physical and I say some stupid stuff about how good she looks and how I want her (alcohol relieving my inhibitions and all of that). The night goes on and she gets quite sick so we take her home.
The next day I wake up and all I can remember is the smell of her hair and the smoothness of her skin; she has gotten to me in other words. The next week we start talking again more often, through FB and text mainly until I ask her out again, she agrees and while I did want to see her again, there is a certain part of me still saying 'What the fuck are you doing?'. So we went out yesterday for dinner (which she insisted on paying for, another odd situation but since she insisted I didn't refuse), visited a few shops (bookstore, furniture store) and grabbed a smoothie at the mall. She's laughing, touching me and I her, giving me the eyes, the sexual tension is building and so is the sexual innuendo and flirtation. We were having a great time. I take her back to her place and she invites me in (no parents this time, thank fucking god) and I think now's my chance to really make my move. Just as I am looking forward to watching a movie with her and taking things to the next level perhaps, she calls her fucking ex and, from what I could tell, they had plans to hang out the same day and she tells him to come over right now, and reluctantly, he agrees and is on his way. Meanwhile I am standing there thinking to myself, god dammit what the fuck am I doing? I should have seen this coming from a mile away. Instead of thinking of some more intimate time with this girl my only thought is to get the fuck out of there, cause I'll be damned if this girl thinks she can fucking walk all over me by having her ex come over in my presence and we can all have a big friendly pow-wow of happiness and innocence. Fuck that.
So I left, naturally. As I get home she texts me about how she had such a great time, smilie emoticons, blah blah blah. And that's where I am at now and I feel like I have been taken as a fool in some ways.
A caveat (or perhaps a rationalization for her behaviour): this girl has been in Canada for a mere 2 years (she is 23) and doesn't have very many friends here. Also, at dinner yesterday I asked her outright about the situation with her ex, and she told me that they are just good friends. Taken together these two points may add up to a legitimate defense of her actions--she has few friends here, and has kept her ex as a friend and they are just that friends (as she indicated at dinner). For that matter 'we' are just friends as well at this point, though clearly leading to something more (as indicated when she hesitated to call us 'friends' in the usual sense). That said, this still doesn't explain why she thought it was cool to have her ex come over while her and I were there (previous plans, I know, but why would she expect I would stick around for that?).
I am conflicted about the whole affair, on the one hand we had a great time together and the connection between us feels natural and that it could lead somewhere more intimate, but at the same time she expects me to meet and get along with her ex the same day of said good time?
I should also clarify that I am not looking to have a relationship with her, I just want to get more physical and intimate with her and depending on how things go I would *consider* a relationship at that point (things with her ex would have to become a whole lot less ambiguous than they are now for that to happen though)
Ah, anyways, that's where I am now with her, not sure what to do. I am moving to Toronto in a few weeks for school (about an hour from where she is), so if I want to drop her it can be done easily but I also don't want to miss an opportunity as it were just because she is acting like, pardon the expression, a stupid foreigner unaware of dating dos and don'ts in the West, or just a stupid girl in general.
Summary: Bitches be crazy. I feel I have a great connection with her and that she feels the same (on the intimacy/sexual attraction level). On the other hand, this girl has a friend relationship with her ex that keeps intruding but also outright pisses me off that she thinks she can act that way with me. Not sure if I should break things off (I am moving so it can be done easily) or continue to see where things lead (I am talking here only on a sexual level I have no intention of getting in a relationship with her at this point).
So I used to work with this girl, she's Syrian (I'm white Canadian, with German and English ancestry, for some context) and speaks three languages (Arabic, French, English) and a few months ago she was coming on to me pretty heavily at work, to the point where she basically asked me straight up why I hadn't asked her out yet. My dating history is spotty at best and I have not typically been in the position of the one being pursued, so her aggressive nature caught me off guard. Nonetheless, I figured what the hell, she is a very attractive looking girl (her 'Syrianess' just adds to her sex appeal) so I asked her out a few days later.
We went on a first date and had a good time. One weird highlight from that date is that after I brought her home, she invited me in and I met her Father, who proceeded to ask quite a number of questions about my 'career', 'life goals', etc. At one point the thought occurred to me that he might just straight up ask me about my intentions with his daughter, to which I would have very little to say. Luckily he never did ask me that. The date ended with a hug and a kiss and a promise for future dates.
Not too long after this I began to hear more about her history (mostly from coworkers, and not her directly) and her ongoing relationship with an ex--basically, they hang out a lot still despite not dating/seeing each other. At the same time I learned this game changer I went on holidays for a week, and when I came back she left for 3 weeks on a vacation herself. Before she left I decided, perhaps a poor decision in retrospect, to pursue the second date idea despite learning about her ex. She responded with enthusiasm and said she would text/call/tell me her availability during those 3 weeks and we would get together again. I had doubts about this because of her ongoing ex thing (not sure what to call it) and they were not without reason it turns out. Fast forward to the end of her holiday and she did not contact me once. Compounding this, she gets back from vacation and, typical 21st girl, uploads some photos to facebook. Curiosity gets the best of me and who do I see in the photos hanging out with her but her ex, and in one of the pictures is also kissing her (just on the cheek, but nonetheless not a good sign).
At this point (and I shouldn't over-emphasize my position here, it was just one date and I only ever felt like this could go somewhere and admittedly I did have hopes of it going well) I pretty much said to myself, fuck it. If she is going to say one thing and do another (not contact me) as well as not tell me herself about her ex and their current relationship status then I don't have time for fucking around and stupid, petty drama. This was around the middle of July and from that point on I pretty much ignored her and lived my life without much contact with her.
I was still working with her around this time, just on conflicting shifts, so at least I didn't have to see her all the time, so there was some solace. This lasted for about a month. Come mid August, my time at work was quickly coming to an end (I left to go back to school to pursue a career in Publishing which starts in a couple of weeks) and a few coworkers decide to throw me a going away bash at the local watering hole. Rozana (that's her name) shows up, she was invited of course, but I didn't think much of it. As the night went on and as I had a few too many drinks, we ended up at a pretty seedy dance club. She begins to come on to me, wants to dance in a physical way, grinding, groping, touching sort of stuff. Being a drunkard at that time, I don't resist a pretty girl coming on to me, previous promises to myself go out the window. So things get pretty physical and I say some stupid stuff about how good she looks and how I want her (alcohol relieving my inhibitions and all of that). The night goes on and she gets quite sick so we take her home.
The next day I wake up and all I can remember is the smell of her hair and the smoothness of her skin; she has gotten to me in other words. The next week we start talking again more often, through FB and text mainly until I ask her out again, she agrees and while I did want to see her again, there is a certain part of me still saying 'What the fuck are you doing?'. So we went out yesterday for dinner (which she insisted on paying for, another odd situation but since she insisted I didn't refuse), visited a few shops (bookstore, furniture store) and grabbed a smoothie at the mall. She's laughing, touching me and I her, giving me the eyes, the sexual tension is building and so is the sexual innuendo and flirtation. We were having a great time. I take her back to her place and she invites me in (no parents this time, thank fucking god) and I think now's my chance to really make my move. Just as I am looking forward to watching a movie with her and taking things to the next level perhaps, she calls her fucking ex and, from what I could tell, they had plans to hang out the same day and she tells him to come over right now, and reluctantly, he agrees and is on his way. Meanwhile I am standing there thinking to myself, god dammit what the fuck am I doing? I should have seen this coming from a mile away. Instead of thinking of some more intimate time with this girl my only thought is to get the fuck out of there, cause I'll be damned if this girl thinks she can fucking walk all over me by having her ex come over in my presence and we can all have a big friendly pow-wow of happiness and innocence. Fuck that.
So I left, naturally. As I get home she texts me about how she had such a great time, smilie emoticons, blah blah blah. And that's where I am at now and I feel like I have been taken as a fool in some ways.
A caveat (or perhaps a rationalization for her behaviour): this girl has been in Canada for a mere 2 years (she is 23) and doesn't have very many friends here. Also, at dinner yesterday I asked her outright about the situation with her ex, and she told me that they are just good friends. Taken together these two points may add up to a legitimate defense of her actions--she has few friends here, and has kept her ex as a friend and they are just that friends (as she indicated at dinner). For that matter 'we' are just friends as well at this point, though clearly leading to something more (as indicated when she hesitated to call us 'friends' in the usual sense). That said, this still doesn't explain why she thought it was cool to have her ex come over while her and I were there (previous plans, I know, but why would she expect I would stick around for that?).
I am conflicted about the whole affair, on the one hand we had a great time together and the connection between us feels natural and that it could lead somewhere more intimate, but at the same time she expects me to meet and get along with her ex the same day of said good time?
I should also clarify that I am not looking to have a relationship with her, I just want to get more physical and intimate with her and depending on how things go I would *consider* a relationship at that point (things with her ex would have to become a whole lot less ambiguous than they are now for that to happen though)
Ah, anyways, that's where I am now with her, not sure what to do. I am moving to Toronto in a few weeks for school (about an hour from where she is), so if I want to drop her it can be done easily but I also don't want to miss an opportunity as it were just because she is acting like, pardon the expression, a stupid foreigner unaware of dating dos and don'ts in the West, or just a stupid girl in general.
Summary: Bitches be crazy. I feel I have a great connection with her and that she feels the same (on the intimacy/sexual attraction level). On the other hand, this girl has a friend relationship with her ex that keeps intruding but also outright pisses me off that she thinks she can act that way with me. Not sure if I should break things off (I am moving so it can be done easily) or continue to see where things lead (I am talking here only on a sexual level I have no intention of getting in a relationship with her at this point).
