Males and Females

[Dak]

People inevitably get less and less interesting to each other over time. If she's gotten all the "novelty" she can out of you by now, she would need to decide whether she's ready to just stick with someone long-term or whether she wants to continue being a little girl and require a relationship to be "interesting" in order for it to "work".

I'd try to figure that out if i were you, but if you can't, you'd better be comfortable investing more time into tedious "fun" to appease her.

I concur.

 

[The Ozzman]

People inevitably get less and less interesting to each other over time. If she's gotten all the "novelty" she can out of you by now, she would need to decide whether she's ready to just stick with someone long-term or whether she wants to continue being a little girl and require a relationship to be "interesting" in order for it to "work".

I'd try to figure that out if i were you, but if you can't, you'd better be comfortable investing more time into tedious "fun" to appease her.

I concur.

I wouldn't say the activities we do are tedious. Most of them are very enjoyable. I just prefer to veg out on the weekends is all.

Hate to say it, but your relationship's generally doomed if you have to consciously plan how to keep it working.

Okay

Do stuff instead of sitting about. I've found that doing things can be good. Especially on the weekend. Sitting about time is post-work during the week. If you're just sitting about all weekend it's no wonder she's bored.

Doing stuff is good, but sitting around is pretty awesome too. When I was single I pretty much sat around on the weekends when I wasn't drinking or studying

That's what it sounds like to me. You're acting like an old married couple. How old are the two of you? She probably doesn't want to be treated like an old wife if she's still young.

You should take her on a weekend getaway, even if it's somewhere close by. Vacations always recharge a relationship and vacation sex is the best.

I'm 28 and she's 30. Her rationale is that she wants to remember doing shit in her life and not reminiscing about watching television shows. She wants to make sure her life isn't 'wasted' by sitting around doing nothing. I can appreciate this, but there are definitely times when all I would like to do is do absolutely nothing but watch TV or read.

 

[Akirahito]

Ozzman, one thing about any real relationship is that is takes work. Relationships are like a job, in a sense. You both have to work at it for it to stay valid and interesting. Now, having said that, every relationship is also different and relative to those two people. If you know what your lady likes and is into, then you should make an effort to do those things with frequency. She should be prepared to do the same for you.

 

[PhlegethonVeins]

I'm 28 and she's 30. Her rationale is that she wants to remember doing shit in her life and not reminiscing about watching television shows. She wants to make sure her life isn't 'wasted' by sitting around doing nothing. I can appreciate this, but there are definitely times when all I would like to do is do absolutely nothing but watch TV or read.

That thought can be appreciated, but nonetheless she needs to realize that one, your desires need to be sated as well, two that only a certain percentage of time can reasonably be expected to be put towards such activities on many levels, financial responsibility being one of them. Three, in the long run its impossible to keep such up on a frequent level. So long as you're not retreating from events she proposes frequently she really shouldn't have room to complain.

 

[SentinelSlain]

I fucking hate television. I would leave a girl if she just wanted me to sit and watch Eastenders with me.

 

[Master_Yoda77]

I'd be pretty content with my girlfriend if all she wanted to do was sit around and watch Seinfeld and Trailer Park Boys with me, and cook me food.

Oh and holy shit, my 5,000 post.

 

[Vimana]

Ozzman, one thing about any real relationship is that is takes work. Relationships are like a job, in a sense. You both have to work at it for it to stay valid and interesting. Now, having said that, every relationship is also different and relative to those two people. If you know what your lady likes and is into, then you should make an effort to do those things with frequency. She should be prepared to do the same for you.

Please prove me wrong, because I see that sentence all the time and to me it seems like something people say because they don't have a person that getting along with and being interested in is natural and effortless. It sounds like they're trying to project some kind of objectively correct way to go about a relationship to deny that they don't have what they really want. This view is one of my main sources of cynicism with relationships.

 

[arg]

I'm 28 and she's 30. Her rationale is that she wants to remember doing shit in her life

sit buttnaked on her face, she's sure to remember that.

 

[Dak]

Im not going to say a serious relationship is easy street, but if you have to look at it as work there is a problem.

 

[zabu of nΩd]

I'll cut you some slack since you're you, but this is setting the bar absurdly low. Of COURSE a relationship should be "interesting" in order to "work" - I seriously, seriously pity people who don't think that should be a requirement.

Don't be so sure you speak for everyone. Personally what i want out of life right now can be expressed in very simple terms: pleasure, companionship, exercise, meaningful work, and a social life that introduces me to new perspectives. There's so much bullshit most people do for "fun" (getaway vacations, sightseeing, movies, clubbing, board games, various hobbies / group activities, etc.) that to me is a waste of time and money, and the idea that someone would look back on their life and consider all of that meaningful as opposed to sitting around and watching TV is rather naive.

The most important thing to me in life is helping to advance our society, and any pursuit of invididual gain beyond basic necessities (and i include comfort/pleasure in that) is the business of people who don't care about the future of the world. I believe there are plenty of "career minded" people who think similarly, so i don't consider myself to be way out in left field here.

 

[The Butt]

I'd be pretty content with my girlfriend if all she wanted to do was sit around and watch Seinfeld and Trailer Park Boys with me, and cook me food.

Oh and holy shit, my 5,000 post.

You and me both, man.

My last girlfriend didn't even know what Trailer Park Boys was. When I explained it, she said it sounded dumb. I should've dumped her then and there.

 

[Akirahito]

Please prove me wrong, because I see that sentence all the time and to me it seems like something people say because they don't have a person that getting along with and being interested in is natural and effortless. It sounds like they're trying to project some kind of objectively correct way to go about a relationship to deny that they don't have what they really want. This view is one of my main sources of cynicism with relationships.

Well, I'm sure you would know since your serious relationship is working out well for you...what with living with your mom and arguing about laundry and all.

 

[Vimana]

I'll take that as "your views are too limited to cling to such cynicism."

I'm not going to say a serious relationship is easy street, but if you have to look at it as work there is a problem.

Can you elaborate, please?

 

[PhlegethonVeins]

I'll take that as "your views are too limited to cling to such cynicism."

I would say anyone is entitled to cling to cynicism on any matter lack of experience aside. I would also say that your cynicism is tied to almost fairy taleish, unrealistic expectations of what the world has to offer.

 

[Vimana]

I consider that possibility. The relationships I've observed that have created my impression of a typical relationship have left me thinking that people generally sacrifice things they really want in order to not be alone. All I'd really like to get out of a partner is someone who I enjoy interacting with and someone who enjoys interacting with me. Someone who I can trust, and do not need to put myself in emotionally unfavorable positions in order to sustain their happiness, and someone who does not have to do the same for me.

 

[Akirahito]

I'll take that as "your views are too limited to cling to such cynicism."



Can you elaborate, please?

My whole point is that relationships are a give and take. For instance, my husband might come home from work one night and say, "Oh we're listening to Renaissance Folk music while you play the penny whistle and get wasted on wine? Cool." Then the next night, I come home and say, "Oh, we're watching Ren & Stimpy for the next three hours? Cool."

 

[Vimana]

I guess I see how that works. And if it's the most emotionally satisfying choice, I can see why people do it. The idea doesn't seem favorable to me now, but I'm not of the age people usually make those kinds of decisions.

 

[Saparmurat_Niyazov]

When you're with someone for many years, you really learn how tolerant you can be. It takes a certain amount of "work" to get to that point.

 

[zabu of nΩd]

So would you say being more tolerant is something most people should strive for, or rather that it's not worth the bullshit / lack of freedom for many?

 

[Jimmy... Dead.]

Don't be so sure you speak for everyone. Personally what i want out of life right now can be expressed in very simple terms: pleasure, companionship, exercise, meaningful work, and a social life that introduces me to new perspectives. There's so much bullshit most people do for "fun" (getaway vacations, sightseeing, movies, clubbing, board games, various hobbies / group activities, etc.) that to me is a waste of time and money, and the idea that someone would look back on their life and consider all of that meaningful as opposed to sitting around and watching TV is rather naive.

The most important thing to me in life is helping to advance our society, and any pursuit of invididual gain beyond basic necessities (and i include comfort/pleasure in that) is the business of people who don't care about the future of the world. I believe there are plenty of "career minded" people who think similarly, so i don't consider myself to be way out in left field here.

What I get from this is - young, optimistic, idealist. Just an observation.