Males and Females

[The Ozzman]

Yeah, RJ. What these guys said is true. I attempted being friends with my ex and then she started dating other guys and I had to unfriend her. It was just racking my brain trying to figure out where she was, who she was with, etc.

You have to realize that the relationship probably wasn't going to work anyway. I'm just now starting to realize that. There were too many bad things about the relationship and not enough good (mainly on her side because she had tons more issues than me). Take this time to improve yourself and do shit you enjoy doing.

2013 is going to be a year of reflection for me.

 

[crimsonfloyd]

My ex is a fucking psycho. I figured her and I could be friends. But she barely even talks to me. Then when I ask her why she never, ever initiates conversation with me, she says she "has a life and can't talk to me every day." Apparently I'm obsessive too.

I don't even want her to talk to me every day. Just her starting a conversation with me every now and then, would be nice. It's always me that starts conversations.

How long have you been broken up? It sounds like you're still too emotionally attached, which means you shouldn't be in contact with her at all, or at least as little as possible. Hanging/texting/calling etc. is just gonna keep you from moving on. If the friendship is meant to be, you will able to reestablish it in a year or two.

 

[Jimmy... Dead.]

Butt, was it a mutual break?

 

[The Ozzman]

If the friendship is meant to be, you will able to reestablish it in a year or two.

I'm not sure a time frame can be put on it, but this is definitely true. I'm confident this is what will happen with me and my ex. We have too many common viewpoints to not establish discourse again in the future.

 

[Jimmy... Dead.]

As long as there is some sexual aversion from each side, it can work. It being a mutual break-up doesn't hurt either.

 

[crimsonfloyd]

I mean, let's be real. If you're actually excited to talk to someone you're going to respond quickly. Waiting for some prescribed number of hours/days is for morons. Fast results!

Best sex ever yesterday!

Haha I used to think that way when I was in a long-term relationship. And then I became single and now follow every one of those stupid prescribed rules. Why? Because women overthink things (guys probably do too, but since I don't have to deal with them I couldn't tell you how).

If you contact a girl too quickly her brain goes through a process like this: Why is he contacting me already?-->he must be desperate--> why is he desperate?-->there must be something wrong with him: looks for character flaws that might explain desperateness and inevitably either finds some or concocts something-->interest in guy decreases.

 

[crimsonfloyd]

I'm not sure a time frame can be put on it, but this is definitely true. I'm confident this is what will happen with me and my ex. We have too many common viewpoints to not establish discourse again in the future.

Yeah, I mean the friendship will happen when it happens. The reason I say a year or two is because it's long enough that you're not sitting there saying to yourself "OK, next month I can contact her... OK next week I can contact her," etc. It gets her out of your mind.

 

[The Butt]

And I mean that as an example to follow. She's likely ignoring you because you represent a part of her past that she needs to overcome in order to realign herself. Trying to be friends with you only brings pain.

Tbh she claims to "still love me"; I still love her too, but I'm not gonna tell her that. I don't even want to go back out, I just wish she'd begin a conversation every now and then.

Yeah, RJ. What these guys said is true. I attempted being friends with my ex and then she started dating other guys and I had to unfriend her. It was just racking my brain trying to figure out where she was, who she was with, etc.

You have to realize that the relationship probably wasn't going to work anyway. I'm just now starting to realize that. There were too many bad things about the relationship and not enough good (mainly on her side because she had tons more issues than me). Take this time to improve yourself and do shit you enjoy doing.

2013 is going to be a year of reflection for me.

Oh I know her and I wouldn't work. In all honesty, she has major issues, committal issues especially and that doesn't fly with me, so her and I going out again is not even on my mind.

How long have you been broken up? It sounds like you're still too emotionally attached, which means you shouldn't be in contact with her at all, or at least as little as possible. Hanging/texting/calling etc. is just gonna keep you from moving on. If the friendship is meant to be, you will able to reestablish it in a year or two.

We've been broken up since August... it's been a long road of defriending/refriending/talking/not talking since then. And tbh I'm still head-over-heels. But I'm willing to put that aside to be friends. I've put up with her having boyfriends and crushes and rubbing them in my face just to be able to talk. But now she doesn't even seem to want to talk to me.

Butt, was it a mutual break?

Not really. I had no say in the breakup. It was more an "oh, guess I'm single again, real glad I was involved in that decision" situation.

 

[King Richard]

I'm not sure a time frame can be put on it, but this is definitely true. I'm confident this is what will happen with me and my ex. We have too many common viewpoints to not establish discourse again in the future.

Are you fucking kidding me? SHE IS YOUR FUCKING EX-GIRLFRIEND, MOVE ON FFS YOU GODDAMN PIECE OF SHIT

Dude, you probably share common viewpoints with 52903856903286903846092836490 different people in the world, and you are already convincing yourself that at some point in the future you KNOW you will reconnect with your EX just because, you know like, she isn't a complete fucking retard and has a functioning brain, at times.

If you can't be tough enough to befriend her now, there's no goddamn way in the future you'll miraculously be ok with the idea of just talking to a girl that you used to "love" and shoot loads into.

You honestly come off as the type of guy who falls in love with every girl he fucks. I know quite a few people like this. I have a friend who literally marries every girl he fucks, despite the GLARING personality and physical flaws these girls possess. It's so fucking pathetic that he's due to get married next summer and he asked me to be in his wedding, again, and I flat out told him no to his face. He's been one of my best friends since high school, and I'm over it.

There's no logical reason behind putting yourself through such an event. And the idea that you've already convinced yourself that it's a certainty, when you're still reeling from the breakup is just absolutely fucking absurd man. You're your own worst enemy.

 

[Jimmy... Dead.]

Not really. I had no say in the breakup. It was more an "oh, guess I'm single again, real glad I was involved in that decision" situation.

Sorry to hear that man. In that case you're better off not talking/ clean break. If anything she's doing you a favor. There is no way to prove this, but she might be doing it to help you.

 

[crimsonfloyd]

We've been broken up since August... it's been a long road of defriending/refriending/talking/not talking since then. And tbh I'm still head-over-heels. But I'm willing to put that aside to be friends. I've put up with her having boyfriends and crushes and rubbing them in my face just to be able to talk. But now she doesn't even seem to want to talk to me.

Stop talking to her immediately. Period. End of story. You're abusing yourself. There is no possibility of a good, healthy friendship while you feel that way. You can't just "put aside" feelings; either you feel them explicitly or you repress them and they come back to bite you in nasty ways.

And through this "friendship" you're only cultivating bad habits that will hurt you in future relationships and damage your self-esteem.

Trust me, it is going to end either with A. her progressively diminishing you from her life through small steps that are going to make you feel more and more like shit or B. through you taking initiative, and taking responsibility and regaining some control over the situation by cutting off the friendship, which is better for you moving forward.

 

[King Richard]

Tbh she claims to "still love me"; I still love her too, but I'm not gonna tell her that. I don't even want to go back out, I just wish she'd begin a conversation every now and then.



Oh I know her and I wouldn't work. In all honesty, she has major issues, committal issues especially and that doesn't fly with me, so her and I going out again is not even on my mind.



We've been broken up since August... it's been a long road of defriending/refriending/talking/not talking since then. And tbh I'm still head-over-heels. But I'm willing to put that aside to be friends. I've put up with her having boyfriends and crushes and rubbing them in my face just to be able to talk. But now she doesn't even seem to want to talk to me.



Not really. I had no say in the breakup. It was more an "oh, guess I'm single again, real glad I was involved in that decision" situation.

man fuck this thread, im out

 

[Zephyrus]

If you contact a girl too quickly her brain goes through a process like this: Why is he contacting me already?-->he must be desperate--> why is he desperate?-->there must be something wrong with him: looks for character flaws that might explain desperateness and inevitably either finds some or concocts something-->interest in guy decreases.

I take "desperate" to mean a person's not interested in any unique character qualities in a particular person and just wants to fuck something for its own sake as a (in reality temporary) means of feeling more secure.

Tbh she claims to "still love me"; I still love her too, but I'm not gonna tell her that. I don't even want to go back out, I just wish she'd begin a conversation every now and then.

If that's really the case then it's all the more necessary that both of you put a moratorium on talking to each other for a good long while. She just happens to be more resolute than you on this approach.

Oh I know her and I wouldn't work. In all honesty, she has major issues, committal issues especially and that doesn't fly with me, so her and I going out again is not even on my mind.

If you claim to have these emotions, then you should have the gumption to commit to what I propose above.

We've been broken up since August... it's been a long road of defriending/refriending/talking/not talking since then. And tbh I'm still head-over-heels. But I'm willing to put that aside to be friends. I've put up with her having boyfriends and crushes and rubbing them in my face just to be able to talk. But now she doesn't even seem to want to talk to me.

She's playing with your heart. And you want her to be your friend?

Not really. I had no say in the breakup. It was more an "oh, guess I'm single again, real glad I was involved in that decision" situation.

See above. She clearly values you less as a person.

 

[crimsonfloyd]

I take "desperate" to mean a person's not interested in any unique character qualities in a particular person and just wants to fuck something for its own sake as a (in reality temporary) means of feeling more secure.

I don't see how that follows. At the early stage, you are bound to make a decisions based on small amounts of information, regardless of your long term intentions. Also, there are a lot of pscyho guys out there, so many women have legit negative associations with guys who come on too hard based on negative experiences in the past.

 

[PhlegethonVeins]

Tbh she claims to "still love me"; I still love her too, but I'm not gonna tell her that. I don't even want to go back out, I just wish she'd begin a conversation every now and then.

Then be glad she isn't talking to you that much. You're setting yourself up to fall on your face. Normally people don't expect much if any contact with their ex's much less expect their ex to initiate contact with them. Set your eyes elsewhere. Your expectations show that even if you 'understand' it won't work with you two, you would still fall for it if presented to you.

 

[damnromulans]

Haha I used to think that way when I was in a long-term relationship. And then I became single and now follow every one of those stupid prescribed rules. Why? Because women overthink things (guys probably do too, but since I don't have to deal with them I couldn't tell you how).

If you contact a girl too quickly her brain goes through a process like this: Why is he contacting me already?-->he must be desperate--> why is he desperate?-->there must be something wrong with him: looks for character flaws that might explain desperateness and inevitably either finds some or concocts something-->interest in guy decreases.

When I'm single I achieve like 95% success by being direct, and if I am interested in a guy I would never dismiss quickness to initiate conversation as "desperate" or anything of the like. I'd just be like, "sweet now we can get to know each other faster, this is exciting." I also believe in "multiple soulmate theory" and know I'm not dumb or ugly, so that probably helps.

"Desperate" comes out when someone gets possessive/needy or is way too quick with insincere or unwanted compliments. It's hard to pinpoint but basically being dependent on your current romantic pursuits for life satisfaction/happiness (like The Butt or Ozzman in their recent posts) would be what I consider "desperate."

 

[crimsonfloyd]

When I'm single I achieve like 95% success by being direct, and if I am interested in a guy I would never dismiss quickness to initiate conversation as "desperate" or anything of the like. I'd just be like, "sweet now we can get to know each other faster, this is exciting." I also believe in "multiple soulmate theory" and know I'm not dumb or ugly, so that probably helps.

"Desperate" comes out when someone gets possessive/needy or is way too quick with insincere or unwanted compliments. It's hard to pinpoint but basically being dependent on your current romantic pursuits for life satisfaction/happiness (like The Butt or Ozzman in their recent posts) would be what I consider "desperate."

I totally agree and appriciate your approach, but realitsically a very small number of woman make the distinction you make. Or they just like to make the guy work for them. Or it's a matter of wanting what they think they can't have. Whatever the reason, the vast majority of women are turned off by guys that conact them too quickly or frequently at first.

 

[King Richard]

I would argue to the contrary, speaking from experience anyway.

 

[crimsonfloyd]

Intereting. Maybe it's just the LA dating culture.

 

[Dak]

Probably. Shallow bitches worry about response times.