Jimmy... Dead.
contemplative curmudgeon
As long as there is some sexual aversion from each side, it can work. It being a mutual break-up doesn't hurt either.
Males and Females
- Thread starter damnromulans
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crimsonfloyd
Active Member
Haha I used to think that way when I was in a long-term relationship. And then I became single and now follow every one of those stupid prescribed rules. Why? Because women overthink things (guys probably do too, but since I don't have to deal with them I couldn't tell you how).
If you contact a girl too quickly her brain goes through a process like this: Why is he contacting me already?-->he must be desperate--> why is he desperate?-->there must be something wrong with him: looks for character flaws that might explain desperateness and inevitably either finds some or concocts something-->interest in guy decreases.
crimsonfloyd
Active Member
Yeah, I mean the friendship will happen when it happens. The reason I say a year or two is because it's long enough that you're not sitting there saying to yourself "OK, next month I can contact her... OK next week I can contact her," etc. It gets her out of your mind.
Tbh she claims to "still love me"; I still love her too, but I'm not gonna tell her that. I don't even want to go back out, I just wish she'd begin a conversation every now and then.
Oh I know her and I wouldn't work. In all honesty, she has major issues, committal issues especially and that doesn't fly with me, so her and I going out again is not even on my mind.
We've been broken up since August... it's been a long road of defriending/refriending/talking/not talking since then. And tbh I'm still head-over-heels. But I'm willing to put that aside to be friends. I've put up with her having boyfriends and crushes and rubbing them in my face just to be able to talk. But now she doesn't even seem to want to talk to me.
Not really. I had no say in the breakup. It was more an "oh, guess I'm single again, real glad I was involved in that decision" situation.
King Richard
Hello there
Are you fucking kidding me? SHE IS YOUR FUCKING EX-GIRLFRIEND, MOVE ON FFS YOU GODDAMN PIECE OF SHIT
Dude, you probably share common viewpoints with 52903856903286903846092836490 different people in the world, and you are already convincing yourself that at some point in the future you KNOW you will reconnect with your EX just because, you know like, she isn't a complete fucking retard and has a functioning brain, at times.
If you can't be tough enough to befriend her now, there's no goddamn way in the future you'll miraculously be ok with the idea of just talking to a girl that you used to "love" and shoot loads into.
You honestly come off as the type of guy who falls in love with every girl he fucks. I know quite a few people like this. I have a friend who literally marries every girl he fucks, despite the GLARING personality and physical flaws these girls possess. It's so fucking pathetic that he's due to get married next summer and he asked me to be in his wedding, again, and I flat out told him no to his face. He's been one of my best friends since high school, and I'm over it.
There's no logical reason behind putting yourself through such an event. And the idea that you've already convinced yourself that it's a certainty, when you're still reeling from the breakup is just absolutely fucking absurd man. You're your own worst enemy.
Jimmy... Dead.
contemplative curmudgeon
Sorry to hear that man. In that case you're better off not talking/ clean break. If anything she's doing you a favor. There is no way to prove this, but she might be doing it to help you.
crimsonfloyd
Active Member
Stop talking to her immediately. Period. End of story. You're abusing yourself. There is no possibility of a good, healthy friendship while you feel that way. You can't just "put aside" feelings; either you feel them explicitly or you repress them and they come back to bite you in nasty ways.
And through this "friendship" you're only cultivating bad habits that will hurt you in future relationships and damage your self-esteem.
Trust me, it is going to end either with A. her progressively diminishing you from her life through small steps that are going to make you feel more and more like shit or B. through you taking initiative, and taking responsibility and regaining some control over the situation by cutting off the friendship, which is better for you moving forward.
King Richard
Hello there
Zephyrus
Tyrants and Slaves
I take "desperate" to mean a person's not interested in any unique character qualities in a particular person and just wants to fuck something for its own sake as a (in reality temporary) means of feeling more secure.
If that's really the case then it's all the more necessary that both of you put a moratorium on talking to each other for a good long while. She just happens to be more resolute than you on this approach.
If you claim to have these emotions, then you should have the gumption to commit to what I propose above.
She's playing with your heart. And you want her to be your friend?
See above. She clearly values you less as a person.
crimsonfloyd
Active Member
I don't see how that follows. At the early stage, you are bound to make a decisions based on small amounts of information, regardless of your long term intentions. Also, there are a lot of pscyho guys out there, so many women have legit negative associations with guys who come on too hard based on negative experiences in the past.
PhlegethonVeins
Autopsy Obsessed
Then be glad she isn't talking to you that much. You're setting yourself up to fall on your face. Normally people don't expect much if any contact with their ex's much less expect their ex to initiate contact with them. Set your eyes elsewhere. Your expectations show that even if you 'understand' it won't work with you two, you would still fall for it if presented to you.
When I'm single I achieve like 95% success by being direct, and if I am interested in a guy I would never dismiss quickness to initiate conversation as "desperate" or anything of the like. I'd just be like, "sweet now we can get to know each other faster, this is exciting." I also believe in "multiple soulmate theory" and know I'm not dumb or ugly, so that probably helps.
"Desperate" comes out when someone gets possessive/needy or is way too quick with insincere or unwanted compliments. It's hard to pinpoint but basically being dependent on your current romantic pursuits for life satisfaction/happiness (like The Butt or Ozzman in their recent posts) would be what I consider "desperate."
crimsonfloyd
Active Member
I totally agree and appriciate your approach, but realitsically a very small number of woman make the distinction you make. Or they just like to make the guy work for them. Or it's a matter of wanting what they think they can't have. Whatever the reason, the vast majority of women are turned off by guys that conact them too quickly or frequently at first.
King Richard
Hello there
crimsonfloyd
Active Member
Dak
mentat
The Ozzman
Melted by feels
Eh, I'm not actively seeking a serious relationship right now. I have too much internal shit to work out that a relationship would be detrimental to anyone involved.
I'm waiting a good while to get back into it.
Vimana
Member
- Mar 2, 2007
- 11,671
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That's the way to go. I waited until being comfortable with myself to get into a relationship and it's made all the difference. Now instead of burdening someone with issues of depression and self-esteem, my only relationship problem is mutual and natural: being scared of vulnerability and dependence.
It's not easy, since I have a natural tendency to watch others for deception, and so does she, but we can't really help opening up automatically when we talk. I always thought this feeling was something I could only find by fooling myself, but it turns out I was wrong. It's been about a month and we're more mentally and emotionally synchronized than any relationship we've been in ever. Everything she's feeling, I'm feeling. Even after it's happened a bunch of times, I'm still wrapping my head around someone who on a regular basis says what I'm thinking.
That kind of thing is definitely worth time alone to get comfortable with oneself.
It's not easy, since I have a natural tendency to watch others for deception, and so does she, but we can't really help opening up automatically when we talk. I always thought this feeling was something I could only find by fooling myself, but it turns out I was wrong. It's been about a month and we're more mentally and emotionally synchronized than any relationship we've been in ever. Everything she's feeling, I'm feeling. Even after it's happened a bunch of times, I'm still wrapping my head around someone who on a regular basis says what I'm thinking.
That kind of thing is definitely worth time alone to get comfortable with oneself.
crimsonfloyd
Active Member
Amazing 36 hours. My cousin invited me to a shroom party at a friend of a friend's house. Turns out to be this cabin way up in the hills. This beautiful woman who just moved from Ontario to LA lives there. She's really into yoga and has a really toned body. Every time we look at each other our eyes lock pretty intensely.
A few hours into the trip I'm lying on a bed and she comes and joins me. We just look into each other's eyes and smile at each other for a really long time. We make out and cuddle and talk about really powerful and personal stuff.
Then later this chubby chick who I had been talking to earlier comes over, starts talking to me about music and then just grabs my dick and kisses me, which is not cool because I'm totally not into her and gave her no fucking signals and to top it off, the yoga girl is in the room.
Anyway, me and the yoga girl keep hugging and bonding. She lets me sleep over, but no sex, because she's in love with someone else. So that's a definite downer, but at least she was straightforward about it. And regardless, we're bonding on a very primal level.
Today we just kicked it, cuddled and watched movies. We still make eye contact for absurdly long amounts of time and at one point we just stop and stare at each other for what I would guess was 20 minutes, but honestly I'm not sure how long it was.
Whole experience was just so amazing. I can't remember connecting that deeply that quickly with another person. It's amazing how easy it is to connect with another human being when both people are open to it. Just a really beautiful experience and she's a really beautiful person. Really sucks that she's in love with someone else though and the no sex part is frustrating because I feel like it would amazing if it did happen. But either way, I feel really happy on so many levels to have met this person and am very interested to see where the friendship/ romance/ whatever it ends up being goes.
A few hours into the trip I'm lying on a bed and she comes and joins me. We just look into each other's eyes and smile at each other for a really long time. We make out and cuddle and talk about really powerful and personal stuff.
Then later this chubby chick who I had been talking to earlier comes over, starts talking to me about music and then just grabs my dick and kisses me, which is not cool because I'm totally not into her and gave her no fucking signals and to top it off, the yoga girl is in the room.
Anyway, me and the yoga girl keep hugging and bonding. She lets me sleep over, but no sex, because she's in love with someone else. So that's a definite downer, but at least she was straightforward about it. And regardless, we're bonding on a very primal level.
Today we just kicked it, cuddled and watched movies. We still make eye contact for absurdly long amounts of time and at one point we just stop and stare at each other for what I would guess was 20 minutes, but honestly I'm not sure how long it was.
Whole experience was just so amazing. I can't remember connecting that deeply that quickly with another person. It's amazing how easy it is to connect with another human being when both people are open to it. Just a really beautiful experience and she's a really beautiful person. Really sucks that she's in love with someone else though and the no sex part is frustrating because I feel like it would amazing if it did happen. But either way, I feel really happy on so many levels to have met this person and am very interested to see where the friendship/ romance/ whatever it ends up being goes.
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