Males and Females

[Matt]

Some people are better at DTF sans emotions than others. I am not among them. I could probably have emotional relationships with like 15 people at once but am comfortable being physical with only 1.

PP is the first person I've dated who fulfills everything, my eye does not wander. It's CRAAAAZY and I'm not complaining. I also pretended to just be DTF and not into him for the first few months but he did everything right. So maybe that'll happen to you, Mathias

Yeah, I don't really feel like waiting forever though. I woke up today feeling a lot better about it with no desire to contact her so unless she does a 180 I'm probably done with her.

Those all might be extras that make her more dateable in your eyes, but the fact that shes DTF with no relationship, atleast to me, is a pretty red flag if you were to date her...

Normally its the other way around like what Krampus said. More often than not chicks are the ones hidding their emotions and pretending to just be DTF to lure in the guy shes interested in...Hook, line, sinker.

22 is still fairly young man. I wouldnt say youre too old to be dealing with this.

It was a red flag which added to the disappointment. It's possible she's playing a game, but she seemed really genuine about not wanting a relationship (with me). So if she is flat out lying about it I'd be shocked honestly.

Yeah dude I'm 22 as well. Don't set ridiculous goals for yourself. When you find someone who validates you emotionally and takes care of your needs, it won't matter how old you are. My dad didn't find love til he was 52, and projected onto my mom for 20+ years til she couldn't handle it anymore.

They say you become your father and it's something I've been battling since I was 17 -_-

Well I really don't have ridiculous goals for myself, I'm just tired of fucking around. As crazy as it may seem, sex has become less important and the need for the whole package has increased.

I also didn't take it well because I'm not used to getting rejected like that so quickly. I'm usually the one who tells people that i'm not interested in them, not the other way around.

 

[monoxide_child]

sex has become less important and the need for the whole package has increased.

this^^ could be a hormonal change

 

[crimsonfloyd]

Tbh, I probably shouldn't admit this, but it's the internet so whatever. I really don't like seeing interracial couples. It's disconcerting. I'm not 100% against it and have been in one, but I think they can be bad culturally and in terms of other things. Religion sucks, don't go along with it.

How exactly would you evaluate a relationship as being "culturally bad?" I'm the product of a mixed relaionship and was raised with an apprication of both of my ethnic backgrounds. That's how it is with most mixed people. It's not like one idenity wipes out the other(s).

And what does religion have to do with it? Every ethnicity has people ranging from wildly fundamnetalist to casually religious to straight up atheist.

 

[monoxide_child]

was raised with an apprication of both of my ethnic backgrounds. That's how it is with most mixed people.

except here in the USA

seriously

halle berry and alicia keys both "identify as black" even though they both look totally white

and not just them, but really the majority of the "mixed-race people" i've seen, they just identify as one race or the other and get totally pissed the fuck off if you mention their other race

for example
i went to highschool with a chocolate-skinned guy that had limp "white people's hair"

he'd never met either of his parents, he was raised by black family being moved around from aunts to uncles to grandparents, spending his entire childhood living in the same households with black cousins

then, when he got a black girl pregnant at 15, his family told him he was half white, they hadn't told him earlier because they were the kind of people that really truly felt that slavery happening somehow made the black people alive today somehow superior to the white people alive today, they didn't tell him he was half-white because they totally completely were ashamed of it, ashamed that his black mother was willing to have sex with a white man, they didn't even tell him at all untill he'd gotten a black girl pregnant, and even then they only told him because they were totally afraid his kid "might come out looking white"

i wish this were a rare story
but it's not
as far as i can tell this type of thing actually happens with most "mixed race kids"

 

[crimsonfloyd]

Things are totally different here in California. I did see what you're talking about during middle school and high school, but that's when kids are struggling to establish their idenities anyway. Most adults I know embrace all their ethnicities. Even the people I know who were raised by a single mother often embrace both ethniticties.

And as for Aliecia Keys and other celebraties, that probably has more to do with marketing. It's harder to market a white R&B singer than it is a black one.

 

[monoxide_child]

Things are totally different here in California. I did see what you're talking about during middle school and high school, but that's when kids are struggling to establish their idenities anyway. Most adults I know embrace all their ethnicities. Even the people I know who were raised by a single mother often embrace both ethniticties.

And as for Aliecia Keys and other celebraties, that probably has more to do with marketing. It's harder to market a white R&B singer than it is a black one.

i'm talking about seeing kids that didn't even know that they were mixed race at all till in their early 20s

i'm talking kids both raised black and raised white
just kids raised as either white or black with family flat-out keeping a secret from the kid out of shame

 

[melodeathgirl]

Does it happen to anyone else where some days you are madly in love with your boyfriend/girlfriend and some days you just don't quite feel it?

 

[monoxide_child]

Does it happen to anyone else where some days you are madly in love with your boyfriend/girlfriend and some days you just don't quite feel it?

you might want to start taking bi-polar medication

unless you're trying to do the whole "project thing"
in which case i should warn you that he will eventually get pissed off all to hell with you, replace you just to break up with you, and even after he's already moved on through 2 or 3 other people, he'll still be the exact same jack-ass you were "trying to fix"

 

[crimsonfloyd]

i'm talking about seeing kids that didn't even know that they were mixed race at all till in their early 20s

i'm talking kids both raised black and raised white
just kids raised as either white or black with family flat-out keeping a secret from the kid out of shame

Ok, well that's a rather exceptional situation and obviously would cause some
psychological issues for the kid.

That's not the experience for most mixed people.

Does it happen to anyone else where some days you are madly in love with your boyfriend/girlfriend and some days you just don't quite feel it?

Yeah I think that's pretty normal.

 

[melodeathgirl]

Haha, I don't do the "project thing".

I feel like I've met the person I'm supposed to settle down with but too early in my life.

 

[SentinelSlain]

I don't really have a proper argument to back up what I said. It's more the moaning of a dude who needs to get laid and prefers white girls.

 

[Vimana]

Slam piece that you love and connect with = "I" turns into "we" for many things you never think it would.

Good point. If it ever infringes on my goals that are hard to get in the way of, I'll break it off. I've never been bad at cutting off relationships that just won't work.

Laura simplifed it, but yeah. A slam piece takes time away from other pursuits, which is going to alter them fundamentally. Then, doing things together rather than apart changes how those pursuits are pursued.

This might be the only possible problem, really. If I want to go to a certain college, I might have to be apart from them, but I've done a long distance relationship before and it only failed because the person and I were too different. I was perfectly fine not doing anything physical for months on end, but maybe I'm just weird.

I'm not necessarily saying one is better than the other, but I do think that someone who has been on a relative rollercoaster both personally and in relationships, should back off and "find" themselves/gain a firmer foundation in their own lives before trying to mix it up with someone else.

This "rollercoaster" was the results of stupid actions, but I do still have problems when it comes to relationships. These problems are things that no amount of being alone would sort out. The only good thing being alone did was that it made me value myself enough to remove myself from a hopeless relationship without flipping out afterwards. I find that I'm generally pretty happy when I'm alone. It's just I've screwed up in relationships (not just romantic ones) so much that I have an apprehensive mindset that leads to weird actions. Every time I spent time alone and then thought I could handle being close to a person, the mindset would resurface, so I think the only way to sort it out is to get close to a person and fix it with them. I wish it weren't the only way, because I highly value my autonomy.

 

[AllShallFall]

the only difference between me and my father is that my father has living children with 2 dozen women but every time i impregnate anyone it ends up either being an abortion or a miscarriage

Lucky you.

 

[Nephilim96]

m_c just has shitty sperm.

 

[Funerary_Doom]

Tbh, I probably shouldn't admit this, but it's the internet so whatever. I really don't like seeing interracial couples. It's disconcerting. I'm not 100% against it and have been in one, but I think they can be bad culturally and in terms of other things. Religion sucks, don't go along with it.

A lot of things can be bad culturally. Using the internet or technology I'd say is much worse for culture than interracial dating... I think it's rather silly to harp on "culture" because culture isn't a concrete thing, it's constantly being recreated/reinvented however, there will always be culture. The attempt to "preserve" culture will only redirect its change, but not prohibit it.

I honestly have more to say about this, but i'm too tired/passive right now. :/

Edit: Read your last post. Gotcha, haha.

 

[monoxide_child]

Ok, well that's a rather exceptional situation and obviously would cause some
psychological issues for the kid.

That's not the experience for most mixed people.

it is in Texas

cuz Texas is still horrendously racist like that

 

[monoxide_child]

It's more the moaning of a dude who needs to get laid and prefers white girls.

yeah, this^^ is what my post was too

i prefer "white" girls in terms of "being of the white culture", which sometimes includes racially "black" girls, my friends refer to these girls as "white girls with suntans having constant bad hair days"

also
sometimes black males fit this description as well

i have no problem with the chocolate skintone, just a problem with the "ghettoville gangsta thugs/ghetto gangsta bitches", which sometimes includes blue-eyed-blondes

totally hate black male with white female porn because it's always done in a horribly ghetto-thug/mysoginistic way

but i actually like some of the white guy with black girl porn

 

[Onder]

totally hate black male with white female porn because it's always done in a horribly ghetto-thug/mysoginistic way

Yeah totally, ghetto style doesn't belong to a library.

 

[damnromulans]

I'm ignoring almost all the recent posts.

melodeathgirl I know that feel, you'll break up with all intentions to get together later and then both move on. There are worse things!

 

[The Butt]

Me and the slam piece are going on a date tonight to some decent fish and chips place. Gonna grab a poutine, mmm.