Males and Females

[Carpe Mortem]

I don't want to be affectionate and watch a TV show I don't even like as soon as I get home, on the rare night I don't have homework. I wanna play Xbox or something. He gets 4 hours to himself at least to do his thing, so he's lonely and bored of it by the time I get home. But fuck my needs for decompression, right? Because he wants attention.

It's weird, the science and philosophy of long term relationships. I believe love is growing as individuals, towards group goals. But ultimately respecting and appreciating that you're separate entities. We're alone when we die.

 

[Dak]

I don't want to be affectionate and watch a TV show I don't even like as soon as I get home, on the rare night I don't have homework. I wanna play Xbox or something. He gets 4 hours to himself at least to do his thing, so he's lonely and bored of it by the time I get home. But fuck my needs for decompression, right? Because he wants attention.

Well you and he have to come to some sort of appreciation that the majority of women decompress by engaging in relationships rather than solitude - whereas you don't.

It's weird, the science and philosophy of long term relationships. I believe love is growing as individuals, towards group goals. But ultimately respecting and appreciating that you're separate entities. We're alone when we die.

I just read basically that last sentence in the personality book we just wrapped up in class. One thing you both have to consider is the match between group goals and individual goals - and the typical nature of LTRs which sees various individual goals unrealized to some degree.

 

[Master_Yoda77]

So I recently found out that the girl I've been feeling hard for for the past 2 years is moving to San Diego next spring and I'm shocked that I am not more upset about it. Like, we're such good friends that I am so happy for her to move on with her life, and then the other part of me knows it's going to fucking ruin me a little bit. But at the same time, I'm here knowing that this might be the best fucking thing to happen to me now that I've moved to the city.

It's just. I'm feeling weird about it. I should wallow in my own self-pity and drink a thousand beers but instead I'm feeling super positive about the whole situation.

 

[HamburgerBoy]

Just got shut down on Tinder for being a mere inch shorter than a girl. I'm not a manlet by any stretch of the imagination either. I'm considered above average for an American male. Is it that much trouble for you to wear flats, bitch? Women suck.

Edit: Apparently for white males (REEEEEE) in the USA, I am dead on the nose average height

So you're 5'10"? HAHAHAHA, fucking manlet, I thought you were tall.

tfw 5'7"

 

[zabu of nΩd]

Well you and he have to come to some sort of appreciation that the majority of women decompress by engaging in relationships rather than solitude - whereas you don't.

Um... I don't see how "the majority of women" are more relevant than fairness in this particular situation involving two individuals with their own individual needs, unless you subscribe to the kind of "it's a woman's duty to please her man" shit that contributes to domestic abuse and only men getting off during sex. Like she said, he has way more free time than she does, and he doesn't seem particularly concerned about her own need for free time.

 

[The Ozzman]

So you're 5'10"? HAHAHAHA, fucking manlet

Not sure if serious

 

[Dak]

Um... I don't see how "the majority of women" are more relevant than fairness in this particular situation involving two individuals with their own individual needs, unless you subscribe to the kind of "it's a woman's duty to please her man" shit that contributes to domestic abuse and only men getting off during sex. Like she said, he has way more free time than she does, and he doesn't seem particularly concerned about her own need for free time.

If she needs the one free hour per day to herself then what is he there for? I'm not saying it's a bad thing, it's just that certain things are mutually exclusive.

 

[The Ozzman]

I mean, if you have one hour free per day and don't want to spend most of it with a SO who feels neglected, why are you even in the relationship? This shit goes both ways.

 

[rms]

you got some fucked up movie style idea of a relationship Ozz

 

[The Ozzman]

you got some fucked up movie style idea of a relationship Ozz

I'm not saying spend every hour you have free with the person. Everyone needs time to themselves to just decompress or whatever (I know I do). I'm just curious why it is hard to find a balance if you're in a relationship:

You have a SO who feels neglected because all of the other person's time is taken up by school, work and other obligations. She has eliminated hanging out with friends more as part of trying to make more 'balance'. Even after this, she has roughly 7 hours per week to spend in one of the following ways:

1) All by herself
2) All with her SO
3) A combination of 1 & 2

I think ideally her SO would like #2, but it isn't realistic. #1 is just neglecting the SO even more than now and leads to resentment and him finding a potential 'side chick' (RIP Patrice O'Neal) to fill the void. #3 is the best compromise. It needs to somehow be split between her and her SO and they need to agree on a reasonable balance.

I agree with Dak though. What is his purpose if she doesn't want to give him time to hang out?

If a reasonable balance can't be reached, why should the relationship even continue? Do both parties even want the relationship to continue? Something leads me to believe all isn't hunky dory in Emily's world if she's juggling 2(?) jobs, school and other obligations and not leaving any time for herself or her SO. If she is having difficulty finding a choice between the two, something has to give at some point.

If I were in the situation, I would end it. My happiness is paramount to anyone else in my life in coordination with family and close friends.

 

[zabu of nΩd]

If she needs the one free hour per day to herself then what is he there for? I'm not saying it's a bad thing, it's just that certain things are mutually exclusive.

I guess to me it depends on how long the situation goes on. I know it's not sustainable over the long term. If it's just for the duration of a class semester, it's reasonable for both people (if they're serious enough about the relationship) to accept that present circumstances don't allow much time for intimacy.

 

[The Ozzman]

I guess to me it depends on how long the situation goes on. I know it's not sustainable over the long term. If it's just for the duration of a class semester, it's reasonable for both people (if they're serious enough about the relationship) to accept that present circumstances don't allow much time for intimacy.

Yeah if it's temporary then that's another thing entirely

 

[Carpe Mortem]

I view it as necessary sacrifice for our shared future. We've been together like 7 years. This is meant to last. And I reserve my Sunday's completely for time together, it's the only completely free day we both have if my homework is done. But he wants to spend them running unnecessary errands together or visiting his parents or something. Leaving me to instead get drained during the week, or him feeling unfulfilled.

It's rough. It is rougher being female too, because even after this long he has assumptions about how all females must secretly be. My lack of attention isn't fatigue, it's hidden disinterest.

 

[Carpe Mortem]

I just get no break. I'm a busy bitch, and none of it is fun. He doesn't rub my back when I get home, he wants me to rub his, and gets mad if my back is too sore to do so. Big ass metaphor for the whole situation.

 

[The Ozzman]

This is meant to last.

Is it, though?

 

[tagradh]

I just get no break. I'm a busy bitch, and none of it is fun. He doesn't rub my back when I get home, he wants me to rub his, and gets mad if my back is too sore to do so. Big ass metaphor for the whole situation.

Why do you both have sore backs?

 

[Dak]

Why do you both have sore backs?

The pressing questions.

 

[Carpe Mortem]

Why do you both have sore backs?

I'll tell you why mine is sore, from bending over backwards all the time. Or from the crushing weight of my responsibilities, man.

His is because he's, like, a dude, and there's something fundamentally wrong with you people.

 

[Serjeant Grumbles]

His is because he's, like, a dude, and there's something fundamentally wrong with you people.

Our top-heavy weight distribution takes its toll.

 

[CiG]

It's rough. It is rougher being female too, because even after this long he has assumptions about how all females must secretly be. My lack of attention isn't fatigue, it's hidden disinterest.

My ex thought this about my relationship fatigue. Nothing makes an exhausted person more exhausted than having to convince (to no avail) an insecure partner that you just need some me time.

Sounds like you need to have a stern talk with him, laying out exactly what you need for your mental health at this point. Sounds like the seeds of relationship-ending resentment are at risk of growing here.