Now this is how to be trve kvlt black metal....

[RavageTheKingdom]

No one is trve enough anymore.
Here are the 5 main rules for aspiring black metal bands:
1.) Have a logo that is completely impossible to decipher.
2.) Claim to be Norse Pagan while mentioning Satan at least 200 times in every song.
3.) Every album cover must contain only the colors black and white.
4.) Make crazy statements about hating Christians/Jews and all other races and then apologize and recant said statements when your label tells you to.(Darkthrone is king of this)
5.) At every live show use intense Satanic imagery and pretend that doesn't completely contradict your Pagan beliefs.


Now the 5 rules for trve fans:
1.) If someone asks you what black metal is make sure that your explanation only confuses them more.
2.) Own every Darkthrone album; listen to none of them.
3.) Wear shirts from bands you have never even heard of.
4.) Hold extreme political views. These views dont need to be intelligent and can contradict, they just have to be extreme.
5.) Go to bed when your mom tells you, you cant hail Satan with your friends if you get grounded.

 

[sevag00]

so?

 

[Master_Yoda77]

6.) Be RavageTheKingdom

 

[RavageTheKingdom]

6.) Be RavageTheKingdom

6.) be mad on the internet when someone mocks black metal.


Im a fan of the genre, but now that im not 18 anymore I realize how stupid some of the stuff they did was.

The black circle... more like the black circus.

 

[Master_Yoda77]

Me mad? Hardly, your pathetic attempt at being clever here only makes me laugh. You are like my favorite poster tbh.

 

[Sven Pakkanen]

I have to say, the post was entertaining. I'm sure it was for humor's sake alone. If you actually feel this way you should probably stop listening to Burzum.

 

[RavageTheKingdom]

I have to say, the post was entertaining. I'm sure it was for humor's sake alone. If you actually feel this way you should probably stop listening to Burzum.

It was intended to be humorous. BM is my favorite genre, I'm just pointing out some of the silly things in it that some people took so seriously back in the day.

Feel free to add to the list.

Also more rules for the bands:

6.)If your music sucks claim the message is whats important, the proceed to Shriek undecipherable words and dont publish the lyrics.
7.) Be true Norse Aryan black metal,write all lyrics in English.

 

[Onder]

You have to be really clever and grown up to realize those things. Good job.

 

[RavageTheKingdom]

You have to be really clever and grown up to realize those things. Good job.

lol, must have really touched a nerve with you.

How many of the fan ones were true for you?

 

[Sven Pakkanen]

All the silly things they did worked. Granted it was mostly the church burnings that made black metal so attractive, but the overall imagery was what made it so obscure. It was imagery first, and music second. But you can say that about a lot of music. I guess my point is tht without the silly shit we might not have black metal at all.

It's also entertaining to see how hated you have made yourself on this forum, but I'm starting to think it's exactly what you want.

 

[RavageTheKingdom]

All the silly things they did worked. Granted it was mostly the church burnings that made black metal so attractive, but the overall imagery was what made it so obscure. It was imagery first, and music second. But you can say that about a lot of music. I guess my point is tht without the silly shit we might not have black metal at all.

It's also entertaining to see how hated you have made yourself on this forum, but I'm starting to think it's exactly what you want.

Im not trolling, but I couldnt care less if people hate me here.

The imagery no doubt helped the genre, but people should remember at the time these guys were like 18 or 19. its not like everything they were doing was super intellectual or something like that.

They were trying so hard to be kvlt, its quite funny how some 35 year old guys still try to live up to that, even though all those musicians have moved on now and live basically normal lifes.

That said, they made some great music,I think it would have been better for the genre if they hadnt acted like a bunch of clowns.And by clowns I dont mean acting grim and stuff, but I mean just being stupid. Like the whole thing about being Pagan and also Satanist, choose one, you can't be both.

 

[Onder]

lol, must have really touched a nerve with you.

How many of the fan ones were true for you?

No that was just what you seemingly want us all to think according to your posts. I wanted to make you happy. Don't attack me for no reason please.

 

[RavageTheKingdom]

No that was just what you seemingly want us all to think according to your posts. I wanted to make you happy. Don't attack me for no reason please.

oh,well ok.

Im off to go sift through my 300+ black metal albums, 2 of which I have ever listened to.

 

[Sven Pakkanen]

oh,well ok.

Im off to go sift through my 300+ black metal albums, 2 of which I have ever listened to.

When you get to one with a really hard to read logo, a black bg, and a guy holding a candlestick, skip it. It sucks.

 

[RavageTheKingdom]

When you get to one with a really hard to read logo, a black bg, and a guy holding a candlestick, skip it. It sucks.

What if the candlestick is in the background and the guy instead is staring into the heavens with a look of torment on his face?

 

[Vossyrus]

No one is trve enough anymore.
Here are the 5 main rules for aspiring black metal bands:
1.) Have a logo that is completely impossible to decipher.
2.) Claim to be Norse Pagan while mentioning Satan at least 200 times in every song.
3.) Every album cover must contain only the colors black and white.
4.) Make crazy statements about hating Christians/Jews and all other races and then apologize and recant said statements when your label tells you to.(Darkthrone is king of this)
5.) At every live show use intense Satanic imagery and pretend that doesn't completely contradict your Pagan beliefs.


Now the 5 rules for trve fans:
1.) If someone asks you what black metal is make sure that your explanation only confuses them more.
2.) Own every Darkthrone album; listen to none of them.
3.) Wear shirts from bands you have never even heard of.
4.) Hold extreme political views. These views dont need to be intelligent and can contradict, they just have to be extreme.
5.) Go to bed when your mom tells you, you cant hail Satan with your friends if you get grounded.

It's 2011, you're going to have to try harder than that.

Maybe that's because about a decade ago a much more comprehensive list mocking the genre was written and it was good for a laugh the first time you read it. Once again I'll stress that it was written several years ago.

I'm guessing you only discovered black metal this year?

 

[Onder]

It's 2011, you're going to have to try harder than that.

Maybe that's because about a decade ago a much more comprehensive list mocking the genre was written and it was good for a laugh the first time you read it. Once again I'll stress that it was written several years ago.

I'm guessing you only discovered black metal this year?

It's fun watching him. He's making fun of black metal on a metal forum not being able to see that he's 20 years late realizing the imagery was cliché.

EDIT: Okay, 15 years.

 

[Personified Hatred]

the bands' 5 are trve. About the 5 for listeners, well, I've known guys like those, dickhead pains in the arse, and completely normal people in Black Metal, so I think your rules aren't always trve flame

 

[Kara-Shehr]

Get original material.

 

[Ryuuzaki]

4.) Hold extreme political views. These views dont need to be intelligent and can contradict, they just have to be extreme.

Hey this one is you!