Relationship question on the way..now be honest :)

Originally posted by Gleemonex
ok, i think i may finally have realised something, but i'm really tired so this might come out all wrong..
i´m hoping to get some sort of discussion out of this :)

i´ve never really understood one thing about relationships. well, i´ve never understood many things about it, but this bit has always made me wonder. why people keep holding on to relationships that are dead as a rock. i´ve always feared that, holding on to a relationship with someone who didn´t care for me anymore and vice versa. and i was just thinking..
i rather recently got out of a 10 month relationship. and during that relationship my biggest fear was that he would end up loathing me. when we started it, he loathed his ex, and just to see those emotions made me so afraid of such an occurance. and i think that fear might have been the reason for some of my torments. at times i felt like utter shit because i felt like it couldn't be right, that bastard (pardon the expression :lol: ) couldn't be what i was looking for.. yet i was afraid to end it :rolleyes:
oh there might have been other fears or other reasons.. but i was just wondering if this fear of that other person loathing you or thinking ill of you or.. you know.. just the thought of a person who has cared for you and loved you suddenly not standing you anymore.. i was wondering if any of you found that fear to be familiar..

as i said, i´ve often wondered about why people hang on to dead relationships.. i think there are many reasons, like fear of being alone etc. but this reason just popped into my head a few moments ago, and i just wanted to see if there might be anything to it..

now come on people, i'm willing to squeeze a discussion out of you, tell me some thoughts and views on this :D
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Your assumptions are completly unrealistic and show problems that lie deeper. Deeper perhaps, than what you can perceive without external help.
 
yeh Brandon if you the extend of my guitar nerdiness you'd point and laugh...Im classiclly trained, and I learned jazz on my own from tons and tons of books and recordings, My berklee audition was Joe Pass's "night and day", Im a real jazz guitar player, who moonlights as a big scruffy black metal guy ;) As much as I love Jazz, stuff like Opeth, and Katatonia is whats in my heart ;)

@Gleemonex, maybe you should date an american *subtlely points to myself* ;) :p

sorry I had to make this post releavnt to the topic SOMEHOW heheh :D
 
I don't hate ex-es i dislike. I ignore.
I have NO problem with the being alone issues as of now, but if I
was like 45-50, then I would... I think so. Because now there's
always something going on u know.. we're young and there's life
around among the other young people.... meet a lot of new ppl
all the time... but I can understand the fear.

I usually find it easy to care about what people that obviously like
me say and do towards me, but the ones I can't get along with
too well... hmm.. really don't care what they think. It has to be
that way because I cannot get myself to lick ass just for someone
to like me in real life. And then there's all the ones in between..
and those I don't worry about at all....
Oh - relationships.. he he.. yes I do care what my girlfriend
thinks, but that's not something that I allow to occupy my mind.
Time will usually show. Ok, enough.
 
and at the same time, they dont exist to me, their life isnt worth while to me, for me to even ponder their most minute existance
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that's about what i was thinking earlier. i knew he thought rather ill of me, but i just didn´t care. it´s his life, i don´t want to be a part of it anymore.
then 1 or 2 hours ago, we met coz we had to exchange stuff etc. and we talked a bit.. and yet again it ended with me being the horrid vile bitch.. me being the fault of everything. focusing on everything I did.. i´m a bit of an emotional wreck right now, he brought me to tears, and i hate that, i hate being vulnerable. i hate facing the fact that maybe i´m just evil.. because i always want to be good to people, i want to please, i´ve always tried my best to be good to those i care about, which is why this is a bit of a slap on the face.. why did i "treat him badly".. i thought he was ok with what happened a bit later (which i´m not gonna go into now, long story), truly, but he keeps thinking it was some sort of subconcsious evil wanting to hurt him.. but at that exact time all i wanted was for him to feel good.. am i schizophrenic? :lol:

oh i don´t hate him at all. i might be a bit angry at him when i talk to him and have to face him because i just feel like he's treating me like shit, still. doesn´t listen to what i say, doesn´t care about anything i say, disregards me in a way..

Your assumptions are completly unrealistic and show problems that lie deeper. Deeper perhaps, than what you can perceive without external help.
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hmmm, maybe you're right. sorry i spent a few minutes of your life while you read my random thoughts of unrealistic assumptions. but hey, i don´t give a shit :p

lordenlil: yes i agree with what you say, i care about what people i like say and do towards me. but i try not to give a thought to those who i don´t care about, to what they think about me or say about me. best to keep away from them.

thorns: :lol: an american you say? well, if i stumble upon an american in iceland i´ll be sure to remember that :p
 
*packs bags, and purchases plane ticket to iceland* ;)

Guys do that, they try to make girls seem evil, hell I do it alot, but rightfully so, my ex's were scum. Anyways, what you should do is understand that you are looking out for yourself, and no matter what, YOU come first! If the relationship isnt right, then you should in no way prolong it. There are certain situations in life where we are allowed to be just a bit selfish, and this one of them.
 
Originally posted by Thorns of Sorrow
*packs bags, and purchases plane ticket to iceland* ;)

Guys do that, they try to make girls seem evil, hell I do it alot, but rightfully so, my ex's were scum. Anyways, what you should do is understand that you are looking out for yourself, and no matter what, YOU come first! If the relationship isnt right, then you should in no way prolong it. There are certain situations in life where we are allowed to be just a bit selfish, and this one of them.
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yeah, i know what you mean. I´ve come to the conclusion that i´m not going to take things this serious and bust my back trying to make it work. I´m gonna have fun, go into relationships, learn from them, know that there will be many till i´ll be able to find that someone i´m willing to open myself completely up to :)

lol, if you ever come to iceland, give me ring :b
 
The problem I’ve seen most and experienced within my family is one that has already been mentioned, and that’s comparing people to a love from the past. Every year my mom goes out on one date, it’s her quota if you will. She does it because she feels that she has to give herself at least a chance of finding another love, but it will never happen for reasons other than the obvious. After every date she tells my sister and I all the ways in which the guy was not like our father, every time, without fail. He has been dead 18 years, she had a second husband and child with him, and she still can’t let go of my father. The abuse she suffered and his rescue of her from it has made her essentially obsessed. And all that she had vested in him and still does (me and my sister) has her at a point of no reutrn.

I don’t think a lot people are willing to take any risks (i.e. my mom). They’ll say they want a new relationship badly, but in the same breath say that they don’t want to be hurt again, it's not a risk they’re willing to take. A bit of a contradiction that will leave them stuck in place. Everyone has a fear of being alone but there’s more to it than that and often times that’s the smallest part in my opinion. I think things like time invested in a relationship and routine play a much larger role when it comes to people holding on.
 
Originally posted by Gleemonex

i just feel like he's treating me like shit, still. doesn´t listen to what i say, doesn´t care about anything i say, disregards me in a way..
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This is the same thing i have going right now. maybe hes just sick of you and you need some time, like others have said. in another thread someone suggested to me that i just let go and if they care enough theyll come back

its horrible to feel like someones ingnoring you.. maybe you should just ignore him and let HIM come back to YOU? if hes going to keep playing games with you every so often its probably not going to be worth it..
 
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