say something about ... yourself!
- Thread starter dreaming neon darkspot
- Start date
Krigloch the Furious
Pants full of poo
DarkGift
ov Doom
Enemy242
Member
Watched my Dad die after a battle with cancer yesterday, quite possibly one of the most distressing things I've ever witnessed. After a while when it was apparent he was just waiting to die and shallowly breathing while spazzing I wanted to punch the nurse in the face and scream at her JUST GIVE HIM EVERYTHING, MORPHINE, ATIVAN, FLEXIRIL, JUST LET HIM GO IN A VELVET SLEEP but they had procedures and all sorts of bullshit. I know its irrational but fuck it just made me mad. I know he wasn't in pain or anything and having his whole family by his side is what he would've wanted but still it all just infuriated me.
Really fucked me up seeing that and him in that condition but I feel a bit better now and even though a lot of it is probably still repressed, I feel it pushes me forward to do everything he'd want me to do. When he saw that my band had a small piece in Terrorizer he was overjoyed and the news of my new jobs in personal training and future success made him really happy so I'm going to push even harder to accomplish everything and more. I'll be a physical therapist, top personal trainer, frontman of a huge metal band; I'm already on my way so it's not just a stupid dream, with this drive I know I can do it for me and to make him proud. R.I.P Dad.
Really fucked me up seeing that and him in that condition but I feel a bit better now and even though a lot of it is probably still repressed, I feel it pushes me forward to do everything he'd want me to do. When he saw that my band had a small piece in Terrorizer he was overjoyed and the news of my new jobs in personal training and future success made him really happy so I'm going to push even harder to accomplish everything and more. I'll be a physical therapist, top personal trainer, frontman of a huge metal band; I'm already on my way so it's not just a stupid dream, with this drive I know I can do it for me and to make him proud. R.I.P Dad.
El Stormo
Member
Sorry to hear that man, but you becoming more determined to achieve your goals in life because of him would be something a father would be proud of.
Jace_Mereel
Freakame, Freakayou!
Shpongled
Member
- Aug 30, 2001
- 13,488
- 91
- 48
Bro hugs. Keep doin what you're doin and everything will work out.
RIP Andrew's dad.
Cancer sucks ass, I've lost a few close family members to it also. The one thing about it that kept me from going completely crazy was that at least it gave us all the time to say goodbye while coming to terms with what the very near future holds. The only thing that could make cancer worse (maybe?) is if it acted instantly.
Either way, fuck you cancer. FUCK. YOU.
Enemy242
Member
Thanks for the support everyone. What pissed me off most is it DID happen fairly instantly; they thought he'd have about 6 more months to live but my brother called me that morning saying we need to get over to the hospital in the east bay asap because he couldn't breathe and they rushed him to the hospital. We all said goodbye and were there for him until the end but he was delirious and hooked up to all sorts of shit and shaking rapidly as all the organs in his body failed; within 24 hours he went from decent (in terms of cancer) to just a matter of time before he died. Hopefully he heard our words and after all the morphine kicked in he was peaceful and I take solace knowing that he went out relatively painlessly with his whole family around him for the whole time instead of people who die in horribly painful ways alone.
Will Bozarth
Everlasting Godstopper
Now THIS is how you turn a big bummer into a positive. Sorry to hear about it, but glad to see you're motivated for the future.
Anvil
Brain Bubbled
- Jun 2, 2004
- 8,381
- 37
- 48
Sorry Andrew... I really am. I can't imagine having to witness that, and I really do dread the day it happens. I hope it makes you a stronger person, and that you seek the beauty in life as an aftermath of the sad. Grieve and let go, then go live your life. That's some of the best advice I've ever received.
derek
Grey Eminence
Lordlucid
Warning: Contains Alcohol
Liverslapper
w00t
Stay tough man.
Dead_Lioness
Godless
Brooks
Eyes Wide Open
Enemy242
Member
Wow thanks you guys I really do appreciate the support. I'm feeling better and starting to accept it and feel better; there's still a huge void but by pushing myself even harder to accomplish my goals (which he loved and supported me in all of them, no matter if it was my music, fitness career, school, whatever) I feel better knowing that I'm doing something he would've been proud of and would've made him happy while at the same time doing it for myself. Tomorrow is the funeral which is going to be a huge bummer having all the emotions brought back but then again having the whole family and everyone who cared about him there remembering him and keeping him alive is going to be a great moment for everyone I think; especially those of us in my family who have been hit really hard by it.
I feel for all of you who have had a loved one pass on and I hope those of you who haven't cherish every moment you have with them; as cheesy and lame as it sounds after an experience like this I really do feel much closer to my entire family and value life and everything in it so much more. It's a shame something like this had to happen to make that extra push but looking at the silver lining really makes everything feel a lot better.
also to kinda break the sadness of this topic: i bought a pack of 8 small fun sized butterfingers the other day and holy shit these are good. i don't know why i'd ever buy a full candy bar again; you get to enjoy the taste far more often since its broken up into smaller pieces which enables you to not just go around eating huge candy bars constantly. brilliant, evil, and fucking amazing.
I feel for all of you who have had a loved one pass on and I hope those of you who haven't cherish every moment you have with them; as cheesy and lame as it sounds after an experience like this I really do feel much closer to my entire family and value life and everything in it so much more. It's a shame something like this had to happen to make that extra push but looking at the silver lining really makes everything feel a lot better.
also to kinda break the sadness of this topic: i bought a pack of 8 small fun sized butterfingers the other day and holy shit these are good. i don't know why i'd ever buy a full candy bar again; you get to enjoy the taste far more often since its broken up into smaller pieces which enables you to not just go around eating huge candy bars constantly. brilliant, evil, and fucking amazing.
