I know it. But I'm at the point in my life where I just need love. My mother was a very non affectionate person, I've never had a girlfriend. The only emotional affection I've ever got was from her, so yeah...it's the reason I've been crazy with handlebars for the last week. Even my friends are telling me I need to slow down.
I just wish I had somebody.
that's really understandable. i can kinda relate to a situation like that. when i was younger, like in junior high i was really really shy and self-conscious, didn't care about my appearence, etc. i'd always have crushes on guys and the affection would never be returned. then i had a class with a friend of a friend, we talked and i was SMITTEN because he paid attention to me. we messed around a little (we were "make-out" buddies
) but he made it clear to me that he didn't "like me like that" (oh god, high school) and i was devastated because i felt like i'd never find anyone, no one would ever be attracted to me, etc
okay, so senior year of high school - crazy kid appears out of nowhere, we talk a lot and wind up smoking weed one night and having sex, then we see each other at school and next day and he acts like i'm not even there. he pretends like nothing ever happened. i sat with him and some other friends at lunch and he'd always be talking about how much he wanted to get with one of the other girls there. needless to say, that FUCKED ME UP. so a few months later, i get a job at FYE and meet a friend of my managers - he's a few yrs older than me, good-looking, we both love horror movies. we go out on a date and i was fucking elated because i'd never had anything like that before and never dreamed i would. and especially because of what had happened with my psycho-guy, that just made everything all the more amazing to me
fast forward about a month - me and this guy have to break up because i'm gonna be moving to pittsburgh soon. once again, i'm fucking devasted and just get this whole "i'll never be happy, no one will ever want to be with me, i'm just fucking worthless" thing going on and it took a long time for me to feel differently - like not until i started dating will
so yeah, really long whiny story but point is - i think it's past experiences that shape how you feel about people and how they treat you. rejection is something that everyone goes through and all of those things are experiences that make you stronger for it. you can't rely on other people to make you feel better or change things about yourself, they can only show you what you need to do. and that also shows you that you can't put your life into a person or "give everything" for them. you WILL find a girl who cares about you as much as you care for her, just give it time and stop stressing about it - and yourself - so much. you are sweet and good-looking and funny and awesome.
By the way Laura, Steve and I were talking about how beautiful you were in Chicago but how we respected Will too much to ever say anything about it. I'm still down for Will to death, I'd die for him. But damn, I would do anything to be with someone like you.
damnit john, you're gonna make me cry *shakes fist*
edit: GODDAMNIT JOHN, way to get offline just as soon as i type that fucking long whiny post
