So I just talked to Bozzy....

Ryan VH

Go Forth And Die!
Jul 8, 2006
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I had a writing assignment and I figured to do it on the song "This Godless Endeavor"

Just received the grade back and got a 270/300 which is an A! I thought I should post it on here and see what you fuckers think of it! Enjoy!
A World Ruled By Absurdum
Frances Babbage, a professor at the University of Sheffield, once said, “Realism provides only amoral observation, while absurdism rejects even the possibility of debate.” Today’s world can relate to this because of all the argument of which faith is the exact one to follow. This develops new wars are racial issues that are unjustified. It seems to be that no one can allow there to be more than one correct answer, but instead let what they believe should be a fact. Warrel Dane, singer of the American metal band, Nevermore, discusses in the epic song, This Godless Endeavor, how absurdum is going to eventually destroy mankind. He explains how in the beginning no one listens to others ideas and due to this he feels lonely. Later on he expresses how absurdum leads to chaos and no one will stop questioning things that are impossible to answer. Lastly, he mentions how he is fed up with people creating new ideas which would lead to violence. Warrel Dane believes that the only way to find the answer to faith is in the afterlife.
It is obvious that when no one is heard no problems are solved. Warrel Dane expresses how no one listens to each other when he says, “Here we are at the crossroads, standing face to back, Still afraid to see our eyes” (Dane). With all the chaos occurring in the world he thinks that the world is a last resort. Warrel mentions how he feels, “helpless and alone, trapped on the third stone” with the third stone being the earth (Dane). The world won’t stop and realize that they have created a world of absurdum. This leads to the world flying, “through this godless endeavor [trying] to explain the black forever” (Dane). The black that Warrel mentions is all the unknown answers that people try and search for, yet they are unable to discover them. All he wants to understand is why people can’t step back and start over by taking baby steps. Taking baby steps is the only way to accomplishing something. If the world took little steps at a time to understand themselves as individuals something might be answered.
Unfortunately, no one is willing to take baby steps to find answers. Instead they decide to be selfish and think that what they believe is right. Warrel has realized that, “our organic equation has shown its flaw” (Dane). The “organic equation” he is talking about deals with an attempt, the equation, that tries to equal out all different believes, the organic factor, in order to result in some kind of agreement. Since people won’t take part in the attempt it has become flawed. He then questions if the world can, “agree to disagree on the concept of god” (Dane). Warrel thinks that the only way to solve this problem is to agree to disagree which is the best solution in most arguments. Of course, it’s human to debate about various topics, but it’s not necessary to go the extra mile by introducing violence to the argument. Warrel believes that people are blaming science for killing the idea of religion. He is appalled by this and makes the statement, “Thou shalt not question, the role of science is not to eliminate god” (Dane). Science can be more dominant than religion when it comes to the creation of life. When science has a reason for something that religion doesn’t they use god as an explanation for the black. Warrel is now becoming sick of the way people are building up hate over the topic of religion.
Warrel Dane has come to the point of stopping his questioning because the questions he asks will most likely never be answered. He makes it clear that, “no testament, prayer or diseased lament can heal [his] wounds” (Dane). In his opinion, he thinks that it’s pathetic how people can believe that those ideas that have no proof of being successful. Warrel sees how mankind is corrupting itself over things that are impossible to answer. To be experiencing all the cruelty going on the world he pleads to whatever higher power there is to, “hide your face and watch us exterminate ourselves over you” (Dane). Warrel is about to meet his death and while he is living his last moments he says to himself, “welcome to the end my friend, the sky has opened” (Dane). Warrel has finally experienced what he has wanted to his entire life which was to die and find out the real answer with a solid true basis.
It is unfortunate how people have created this world to create beliefs and argue them with other beliefs to develop high levels of absurdum. The sad part about this is that people can’t leave what they believe as a belief and instead point it out as a fact. With many people doing this with many beliefs people start wars over what they belief. If we lived in a world of realism where people could agree to disagree on the topic of faith then there could be a bigger chance of creating world peace.
 
hahaha at first i was like, "didnt this kid change his name to flying whale?!" then i remembered that was pauly boy. yeh thats pretty long, ill read it later.
 
you make good points in the essay dude. You probably understand the song better than me. Good analysis
I will make a few suggestions in terms of writing style though.

as it was already pointed out, you need to vary your sentence structure a bit more.
Maybe make a bit stronger topic sentences for each paragraph.
One thing i noticed is that you don't use many transitions. Your essay would gain a lot if you would replace the: 'this leads to' and such phrases with transitions like 'thus, therefore, consequently (essay graders on the SAT and ACT love these ones).

and one last thing careful with redunancy and repetitons of the words in the same sentence like you did in this one:
"It is unfortunate how people have created this world to create beliefs and argue them with other beliefs to develop high levels of absurdum" such a sentence can hurt on standardized tests a lot.

great job, you are finishing your sophomore year right? that is pretty good for a sophomore. and i agree with your statements about TGE. Congratulations, warrel now hates you!

i hope this helps
 
Yep, it's pretty perspicacious. The only criticism I'd make would be syntactical and possibly a lack of personal reflection. I guess I could ask why you continue to use Absurdum, when the English absurd would be better? Absurdum makes sense in a fully latin context, or in a philosophical phrase "Credo quia absurdum" for example.
 
Got halfway through that big middle chunk and stopped. It may be because I've never read an essay by someone who isn't fairly obsessive about their writing (like I am) or I'm just oblivious to how high school students write, but I can't stand the structure and word choice at all.