The best insult you ever heard thread

"Hey! Epi! Go home to your hospital!!!"

"Look, it's Epi. Why hasn't her brain doc given her a lobotomy yet..."

"Maybe Epi had it already. Schizo's unstable like an earthquake in Cambodia. She still walks and talks. She needs another."

"Fuck that. Her creator fucked up and took a drill to her brain before lift-off. I bet she'd feel right at home in a pothole. It would be awesome if she had a seizure and fell into one."

"Walk and talk. Epi's a multi-tasker today. $10 says... yo! Watch that parked car! It's comin' your way!"

"Her guitar has the missing parts. It improvises for her."

Tons of clever gossip at my expense. In person, via facebook wall posts, random myspace adds followed up with thrill ride comments for all to read.

But hey! They always acknowledge my guitar playing! :)

I'm an epileptic, if you don't know. It's ok though, I can read their minds and see black auras hanging over their heads. Stormy roads ahead!
 
black- their futures are bleak. one-faceted. dead ends. they're haunted by something, either imbedded or conditioned.

everyone who can read interprets every color and intensity differently. it's trial and error, until one finds the right formula.

all of that hooky crap i'm into makes complete sense to me and is part of all my decision making processes... but when i try to explain it to someone, "how" or "why", i sound like a circus gypsy. haha.

the way i look at it- my "special" brain disorder thing... i was basically born with holes in my brain, missing tissue. where the holes are located has brought up questions for me, because there are quite a few in the areas related to hearing, smell, sight, comprehension, balance, etc. (i really can't walk in a straight line, btw)

i'm sure i'm missing at least a little of what a "normal" person has, but i have no idea what it is. i think because my brain is result of "my creator taking a drill to my brain", i've got some "fill in the blanks" senses.

same as anyone who survives major surgery, head injury, nervous system damage.. anything related to the brain. something is twisted in some way. for some peope it's internal, for others it's external. so i don't really see being an "Epi" as a bad thing. i was cheated some other crap, but i got some pretty cool extras along the way.

on topic:

kids in early grade school called me Jolly Green Giant. i was the tallest in the class. and Lochness Monster cause my last name is Lochner. but... that's German. yeah kids suck.
 
"You've had more black dick in you than a urinal at the apollo." Lisa Lampenelli

"You left T.J. Hooker and went to P.F. Changs. You left Boston Legal and went to Boston Market." Jeffrey Ross to William Shatner

"Whats it like being named the past tence of shitting?"Jeffrey Ross to William Shatner

"SHe loves music, she's screwed more musicians than napster" Jimmy Kimmel to Pam Anderson

"The only way Hugh Hefner can get stiff now is through rigor mortis!" Gilbert Gottfried to Hugh Hefner

"'ve read just about every issue of Playboy since I was fifteen years old and not once did I see a Playmate say her turn-ons was fucking a 75 year-old man. Unbelievable." Jimmy Kimmel to Hugh Hefner

"This is going to be a fun night, and before we get started, let me say this: New York is the greatest city in the world. Yeah, that's right. I'm glad to be here, and I think everybody here will agree that right about now we could use a little laughter. Unfortunately though, our first roaster is Rob Schneider." Jimmy Kimmel

"How is it possible that Courtney Love looks worse than Kurt Cobain?" Jeffrey Ross to Courtney Love
 
bobvex said:
"You've had more black dick in you than a urinal at the apollo." Lisa Lampenelli

"You left T.J. Hooker and went to P.F. Changs. You left Boston Legal and went to Boston Market." Jeffrey Ross to William Shatner

"Whats it like being named the past tence of shitting?"Jeffrey Ross to William Shatner

"SHe loves music, she's screwed more musicians than napster" Jimmy Kimmel to Pam Anderson

"The only way Hugh Hefner can get stiff now is through rigor mortis!" Gilbert Gottfried to Hugh Hefner

"'ve read just about every issue of Playboy since I was fifteen years old and not once did I see a Playmate say her turn-ons was fucking a 75 year-old man. Unbelievable." Jimmy Kimmel to Hugh Hefner

"This is going to be a fun night, and before we get started, let me say this: New York is the greatest city in the world. Yeah, that's right. I'm glad to be here, and I think everybody here will agree that right about now we could use a little laughter. Unfortunately though, our first roaster is Rob Schneider." Jimmy Kimmel

"How is it possible that Courtney Love looks worse than Kurt Cobain?" Jeffrey Ross to Courtney Love
Click to expand...


Shatner's Roast was fucking Awesome! :worship:
Lampenelli slayed :lol:.
 
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