The future of metal

In the yeeeaarrrr threeeee thousaaanndddd.....in the yeeeeeaaaarrr threeee thoouuuussaaaannnddd......"Kelly osbourne will find a new career in the music industry.....when it is discovered that whales blow holes can be used as instruments..."

That was fucking funny.

In the year 2012, I will shoot myself if there is no end. This will prevent my awesomeness from creating an entire new movement of shitty fucking metal that people will find groundbreaking, when in reality...it's meh at best.
 
I think Metal will continue to grow, more subgenres, more sounds, especially from the keyboard sections if the band has one. It will stay alive and around as long as there is someone who cares for it/makes it. Being fairly young myself, I plan to see it through and make sure this happens... surely I can't be the only one! :S LOL!
 
IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAAAAAND...Actual drummers will be replaced by black children from inner cities. This will be in an effort to promote youth to participate in positive efforts and community projects. The result, however, will be 12 major label death metal bands with no blast beats and a strong 'urban' (read: African), tribal, influence. Thus a revolt of Neo-Socialist black metal bands will leave a trail of black corpses for the better part of 8 years. In an effort to be 'grim' and 'kvlt' and outdo other genres/bands, Norwegian black metal bands and American death metal bands will unite, killing off Neo-Socialist bm bands. This will leave President Obama no choice but to acknowledge these 'heros' as important mainstays in 'black' culture, as well as purveyors of diversity and honor. People will no longer like metal.

I've always thought, if I were black, I would start a "black metal" band, actually playing black metal but with a bunch of other black guys. First of all, it'd be doubly literal! And secondly, it would freak out the racist part of that scene almost as much as Antestor and Horde did the Satanic part. :p
 
That reminds me of that black guy that called some dude that had put up a "looking for vocalist for black metal band" on some website..the guy said black metal didn't mean that the band consisted of black people and that he did not want to be associated with him...the black guy then put that conversation up on youtube
 
i think it's pretty much done outside of retro revivalists and gimmick bands putting a facile new spin on hackneyed material. im sure people have thought the same in lulls preceding previous watershed innovations, but then i don't believe the genre has ever seen a dry spell this long before (getting on 20 years with no really new ideas)

blah blah blah yeah, you must know everything, you're "beyond" metal, totally dude. looooool plrty
 
Nothing new in 20 years? Doesn't the last 20 years cover pretty much every innovation and new idea in metal? Got your core 80's shit, then um...yeah. Dry spell. Totally. Black Metal's second wave, brutal death metal, doom/death, symphonic shit, post-rock black metal, etc...all over 20 years ago. You're right. Yup.
 
How else can you take "dry spell for 20 years"...? And you can't think of anything in the last 15 years worthwhile? I'm guessing you listen to none of the truly great things from this decade?
 
In 2012 I will set an extremely de-tuned electric guitar with very light strings up on a mountain( or the local water tower). The wind will strum the guitar. For drums I will throw a jackhammer in a trash-can.
The vocals will be a mix of me screaming hysterically (due to the epic experience that is future metal ) and the police/lucky bystanders shouting.
Then the vvorld will end (or it'll be gay and I will be arrested).

The sound will be called future metal. The clone bands will be made up of angels and demons.
 
In fairness, the last decade and a half have not been kind to the development of new styles. I wouldn't say "nothing", but the most development has happened in the areas of nu-metal, metalcore, and other such genres that I'm fairly certain most people here can't stand.

I think a lot of people pine for the explosion of styles in the '80s--the decade that gave us the founders of thrash, death, power, progressive, and black metal--even grindcore. The basic stylistic formation. Yeah, the symphonic angle has now been put on everything (symphonic power, symphonic thrash, symphonic black), doom showed up, and death metal got an adjective added to the front of it (Death themselves weren't "brutal"?)
 
by the year 2012 we'll have to means to bring people back from the grave so our fallen idols can arise to record some phenomenal piece from their experiences in hell then quickly sell out succumbing to the temptantions of the reanimated flesh.




but most likely we'll all be dead by then.
 
I'm still waiting for a metalband that will play the downtuned electric ukulele..and I'm not even joking