the MAN thread
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Lenore
human wrecking ball
HOW WOMEN SHOWER
Take off the fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning because there was a distinct chill in the air due to the temperature dropping below 73ºF.
Carefully fold each item, and place in clothes hamper.
Walk to bathroom. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately.
Look at your womanly figure in the mirror, and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you¹re getting fat.
Position the shower nozzle pointing away from you, and turn on the water.
Get into the shower, once you have found it through all that steam.
Look for face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with Cucumber & Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again with Cucumber & Lamfrey Shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash your hair once again (just to make sure) with Cucumber & Lamfrey Shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Condition your hair with Cucumber & Lamfrey Conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
Watch falling hair accumulate around drain strainer.
Wash your face with Crushed Apricot Facial Scrub until red.
Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut & Jaffa Cake Body Wash.
Complain bitterly when you realize your husband has once again been eating our Ginger Nut & Jaffa Cake Body Wash.
Rinse Conditioner of hair, a process which should take at least 15 minutes, as you must be sure it all comes off.
Shave armpits, and evaluate whether there is enough time and hot water left to do legs.
Slick hair back, and pretend you are Bo Derek.
Use Pumice Stone to soften rough spots on feet.
Use Massage Mitt to reduce cellulite on thighs.
Use nail brush to clean toenails.
Scream loudly (high F# is an especially effective note to reach for) when your husband flushes the toilet and you get a rush of scalding water.
Cover your entire body with baby oil.
Turn hot water on full, and rinse off, making shower dangerously slippery for your husband.
Pat yourself dry, then rub briskly all over with a towel the size of a small African country.
Check entire body for the remotest sign of a spot, or new hair in an uncommon place.
Apply Body Lotion from the neck down. Moisturize, Moisturize, Moisturize!
Return to bedroom wearing your long dressing gown and towel on head, covering up suddenly if you see your husband.
Blow dry hair using an appliance powerful enough to lift Dorothy¹s whole farm out of Kansas.
HOW MEN SHOWER
Enter shower, turn on water
Soap and Rinse. Turn off shower
Towel dry. If no towel available, just roll over once on the bed.
Done.
Take off the fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning because there was a distinct chill in the air due to the temperature dropping below 73ºF.
Carefully fold each item, and place in clothes hamper.
Walk to bathroom. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately.
Look at your womanly figure in the mirror, and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you¹re getting fat.
Position the shower nozzle pointing away from you, and turn on the water.
Get into the shower, once you have found it through all that steam.
Look for face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with Cucumber & Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again with Cucumber & Lamfrey Shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash your hair once again (just to make sure) with Cucumber & Lamfrey Shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Condition your hair with Cucumber & Lamfrey Conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
Watch falling hair accumulate around drain strainer.
Wash your face with Crushed Apricot Facial Scrub until red.
Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut & Jaffa Cake Body Wash.
Complain bitterly when you realize your husband has once again been eating our Ginger Nut & Jaffa Cake Body Wash.
Rinse Conditioner of hair, a process which should take at least 15 minutes, as you must be sure it all comes off.
Shave armpits, and evaluate whether there is enough time and hot water left to do legs.
Slick hair back, and pretend you are Bo Derek.
Use Pumice Stone to soften rough spots on feet.
Use Massage Mitt to reduce cellulite on thighs.
Use nail brush to clean toenails.
Scream loudly (high F# is an especially effective note to reach for) when your husband flushes the toilet and you get a rush of scalding water.
Cover your entire body with baby oil.
Turn hot water on full, and rinse off, making shower dangerously slippery for your husband.
Pat yourself dry, then rub briskly all over with a towel the size of a small African country.
Check entire body for the remotest sign of a spot, or new hair in an uncommon place.
Apply Body Lotion from the neck down. Moisturize, Moisturize, Moisturize!
Return to bedroom wearing your long dressing gown and towel on head, covering up suddenly if you see your husband.
Blow dry hair using an appliance powerful enough to lift Dorothy¹s whole farm out of Kansas.
HOW MEN SHOWER
Enter shower, turn on water
Soap and Rinse. Turn off shower
Towel dry. If no towel available, just roll over once on the bed.
Done.
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer when all of a sudden he said aloud, "Lord grant me one wish". The sky clouded and a booming voice said, "Because you have tried to be faithful I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want to."
The Lord answered, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time to think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me".
The man thought for a long time and finally said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know what they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I canmake a woman truly happy?"
After a few minutes God said, "How many lanes do you want on that bridge??"
The Lord answered, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time to think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me".
The man thought for a long time and finally said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know what they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I canmake a woman truly happy?"
After a few minutes God said, "How many lanes do you want on that bridge??"
A man is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whatcha get the case of beer for?"
"I got it for my wife," answers Bob.
"Oh!" exclaimed his friend, "Good trade."
"I got it for my wife," answers Bob.
"Oh!" exclaimed his friend, "Good trade."
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet.
One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
"OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he is in.
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies. "TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect his hidden position.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.
"Yes it is," replies the man.
"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.
"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.
"Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy's father says "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."
"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.
"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.
"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.
"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must
confess your sin and ask for forgiveness", the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Don't you start that in here," the priest says.
*man laughs*
One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
"OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he is in.
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies. "TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect his hidden position.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.
"Yes it is," replies the man.
"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.
"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.
"Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy's father says "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."
"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.
"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.
"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.
"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must
confess your sin and ask for forgiveness", the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Don't you start that in here," the priest says.
*man laughs*
Falconspirit
I Died A Little
Don Corleone
Emre
Don Corleone
Emre
Don Corleone
Emre
Morpheus
Member
Have Fun mate!!!
damn everyone gets snow this year.......
nah have a good time over there Mariner!
Enjoy the snow
Crack Hitler
homeless
Yous should come here. Some snow and MAN temperature, it's minus 24 now, this night they promised it to go all the way down close to -30
Crack Hitler
homeless
Oh, and talkin about man stuff.
I had a MAN hangover last sunday. Woke up from my couch (it's like 1 meter from my bed, don't know how I didn't make it to the bed in the first place...) with pants on and my jacket as a blanket, my pants covered in blood, hand fucked up from broken glass and when I stood up, my left leg had fallen asleep (puutunut?) so I fell to the floor. Had to laugh.
I had a MAN hangover last sunday. Woke up from my couch (it's like 1 meter from my bed, don't know how I didn't make it to the bed in the first place...) with pants on and my jacket as a blanket, my pants covered in blood, hand fucked up from broken glass and when I stood up, my left leg had fallen asleep (puutunut?) so I fell to the floor. Had to laugh.
Morpheus
Member
excuse me, but why did you laugh? anyway now we got snow, a little bit, but it must come today
when i want to travel to my friend in Karlsruhe, shit, hopefully the streets will be o.k., and beer will let me not feel the pain when we should have an accident Have FUCKEN fun *MAN*
Crack Hitler
homeless
Originally posted by Morpheus
I just had to. Later that evening I didn't even smile, tho.
and beer will let me not feel the pain when we should have an accident
This sentence I'm havin a hard time to understand?
You wanna get pissed in case of an accident?
Morpheus
Member
Crack Hitler
homeless
Honestly, if that wasn't what you ment then I've no idea. I guess I didn't sleep well enough even tho I thought I did
What ever. Four hours and I'm off to waste my money on beer
What ever. Four hours and I'm off to waste my money on beer
