The Official UM Confessional

[Xorv]

when I was a boy I used to masturbate wearing my mothers panty hose and by crossing my legs putting the penis in between the legs caused me to cum.when my legs were squeezing the penis. I was scared because as I found out later most were using their hands.

I'd cross my legs a lot in the bath tub and it caused my penis excitement. I was concerned that wearing stuff would cause me to be gay. as it turned out in the end I was straight, but it took some time to figure it out.

 

[audiophileguy]

my penis has a strong resemblance to this guy. it's also where I hide my spare change

 

[Winter.]

I post on a forum with a bunch of English blokes. It's some crazy bollocks on there.

Ah! I thought it might have been JFAD, unless they don't call them Chavs in Wales. In Scotland they are called Neds.

when I was a boy I used to masturbate wearing my mothers panty hose and by crossing my legs putting the penis in between the legs caused me to cum.when my legs were squeezing the penis. I was scared because as I found out later most were using their hands.

I'd cross my legs a lot in the bath tub and it caused my penis excitement. I was concerned that wearing stuff would cause me to be gay. as it turned out in the end I was straight, but it took some time to figure it out.

bow chika wow wow.

 

[zabu of nΩd]

I know a guy who learned to masturbate by humping things. Using your hand isn't necessarily intuitive to everyone.

 

[Winter.]

^

I remember a guy who sat next to me in maths used to masturbate in class over the teacher. It sickened me so much that sometimes I wanted to snap it in half and shove it up his nose.

 

[cookiecutter]

How do you get into a state of mind where you actually begin masturbating in public?

 

[Winter.]

No idea - the guy was a complete freak, and he used to make jokes about being ambidextrous so he wouldn't get cramp in his hands.

 

[cookiecutter]

My facial expression now is closely mirroring my avatar

 

[zabu of nΩd]

 

[Deicidal]

I know a guy who learned to masturbate by humping things. Using your hand isn't necessarily intuitive to everyone.

Sometimes I just think about sexual things really hard until it happens, because I'm that damn lazy.

 

[Winter.]

My facial expression now is closely mirroring my avatar

At least you didn't have to sit beside him in Maths!

 

[zabu of nΩd]

Sometimes I just think about sexual things really hard until it happens, because I'm that damn lazy.

I'm wondering if that's actually possible.

 

[Deicidal]

How do you get into a state of mind where you actually begin masturbating in public?

I knew this retarded kid in middle school who wore the same pair of overalls for 3 yrs. straight (and counting), and he used to jerk it with them still on in the locker room.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEE" *Squirt*

 

[Deicidal]

I'm wondering if that's actually possible.

I might have shot half a load, but It still worked.

 

[V.V.V.V.V.]

:zombie:













:zombie:

 

[Deicidal]

:zombie:













:zombie:

I wish to splatter my potential-children-brownie-batter all over your back. Is okay?

 

[V.V.V.V.V.]

i don't see why not especially since you asked nicely

 

[SentinelSlain]

I never got used to using my hands. Just the bed.... push it up, then shag the bed.

Find it hard to believe other people had a better idea


lol

 

[Onder]

Sometimes I just think about sexual things really hard until it happens, because I'm that damn lazy.

 

[arg]

.