The Self Help thread.

I'm 19. Prolly doesn't help.

My father is actually a LMHC and keeps telling me to see my MHCenter at school, but I can't bring myself to do it. I just don't feel comfortable spilling about how much of a fuckin mess I am to some random individual.

Thinking about all this, Skinny probably hit it on the head. It's coming from somewhere else and just manifests itself as anger at trivial things. Where I don't know and it might not be one thing or something I have direct control over anyway.As long as I try and focus my anger to positive things I should be good.

I need to get back into self hypnosis or something.

Thanks
HOW DO SELFHELP.
 
abyssofdreams said:
Yeah, and I disagree there :D
I think I'm having a problem with generalization here, whilst what he said might apply sometimes I still say being pissed about something is okay as long as you understand the reasons why and deal with it one way or the other. If my neighbour keeps pissing me off for whatever stupid thing he does and if he keeps doing that for a period of time (e.g. using a jackhammer to work on his rooftop on fucking sunday mornings) I might do something about it. I mean in practical terms :D There, problem solved.
Click to expand...

Well I know what you mean, but that is totally different to me. That's a situation that merits some sort of action and taking action will probably clear it up. That sort of shit is unavoidable.
I'm not advocating being passive about everything. I'm just talking about that kind of impotent anger that makes you want to smash things and be miserable all day. Senseless.
 
abyssofdreams said:
Anger and hatred are part of any human.
They are not useless, in fact they are important from an evolutionary point of view.
Keep it balanced. That's the key.
Click to expand...

Anger yes, when it motivates us to take action in a constructive way, as you said. But hatred? No, there are tons of things that are "part of any human" (such as the urge to crush a guy's trachea when he hits on yo gurl at the bar), but we control those base instincts because of our ability to recognize that they're harmful, and hatred is no different IMO.

But even with anger, often the problem is that you're letting yourself get angry from it - every response is just as much an issue for the person having the response as it is for the person/thing invoking it. There are things worth doing something about, and then there are things that aren't.
 
Well I think the big thing is you have to do some self-evaluation here:

First, you have to be logical as possible and consider the consequences of your anger issue before you even start fixing the issue itself. Sometimes that will act largely as motivation to fix your problem.

For example, accidentally taking out your anger on family and friends/others can bring upon a huge burden in your life. Some people are overly sensitive, over-react and take things the wrong way, which I'm sure you know by now. If these people you care about let your outbursts or "moodiness" if I may say, affect their perception of you, it can really ruin their relationships with you.

For the traffic issue, specifically, weigh your options:

a. I get pissed while I'm driving.
b. My anger makes me drive irratically.
c. I can get in a car accidently/hurt someone else/fuck my car up and raise my insurance rates a zillion dollars and have to pay out my ass to fix it.

Sometimes if you think about consequences immediately, or train yourself to do so, you'll realize it will overcome how you feel at that particular moment.

Breathing exercises help, as retarded as that sounds.

Also, taking a few minutes out of your day to healthily vent (write down your feelings/write a song about it/write a poem/paint/exercise (especially if you can punch something without hurting it or yourself (water bag, etc)). can really help.

Hope this was of use.
 
@ tastic You guys are making great points but what you don't get is that in a person NOT MYSELF but like REALLLLLY bad anger problems, these people lack either receptors or the nuerotransmitter that make one have the ability to recognize that they need to analyze the situation and calm down. Medication is usually helpful here.

JUST wanted to get that out there.

Proceed.

@ Lolz

Thanks dude.
 
Oh of course, as someone who has suffered from omnipresent depression in the past (despite doing EVERYTHING that should've made me feel better; e.g. doing my schoolwork, playing guitar, working out regularly and eating healthy, being social), I fully recognize that there can be things out of a person's control that require medication. But at the same time, the best medications are the ones that only bring you up to the baseline of a normal person, and leave the rest up to you (unlike self-medicating with alcohol or drugs, that work with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer)
 
abyssofdreams said:
Anger and hatred are part of any human.
They are not useless, in fact they are important from an evolutionary point of view.
Keep it balanced. That's the key.
Click to expand...

From a evolutionary point of view I can agree. As an individual I find it works for me to think before I feel, regarding anger. Hatred, I will have non of. :puke:

I just don't get mad anymore. When I encounter something/a person I disagree with, I ask myself "why?" before emotions creep in. Then I ask myself "Is it *insert problem* that is really bothering me?" If so, I try and see it from the sources point of view. It clears up the picture and gives me time/distraction to act accordantly.

It's not raw human nature but it works well for me.
 
Metaltastic said:
but we control those base instincts
Click to expand...

thank you that's my point. but controlling does not mean you should exclude them, like hatred. I need to hate my first ex, so I can handle what she did to me, simple as that. Convert any feeling into experience and progress, get to know yourself better but don't try to force yourself into a position where you'd have to avoid certain feelings, it will all fall back onto you, maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow but someday surely it will.

Balance things out, that way you would never have to surpress or alternate your innermost feelings. One can appreciate hatred, if observed from a different point of view.

Metaltastic said:
because of our ability to recognize that they're harmful, and hatred is no different IMO.
Click to expand...

yeah of course, I hope so! But recognition is just another word for control. Or shoud lead to control at least. Which is what I said earlier. It is up to every single person to control him/herself. By morals, standards, common sense and intellect.
 
SocialNumb said:
From a evolutionary point of view I can agree. As an individual I find it works for me to think before I feel, regarding anger. Hatred, I will have non of. :puke:

I just don't get mad anymore. When I encounter something/a person I disagree with, I ask myself "why?" before emotions creep in. Then I ask myself "Is it *insert problem* that is really bothering me?" If so, I try and see it from the sources point of view. It clears up the picture and gives me time/distraction to act accordantly.

It's not raw human nature but it works well for me.
Click to expand...

Well actually I do the same. I just disagree on the hatred part, I'm sorry :p
Maybe you've never really met a person that is worth to be hated?
 
Maybe you've never considered that hating that someone is giving them power over you to make you angry and unhappy when you think about them? Cuz that's what it sounds like the situation is with your ex-girlfriend dude; maybe it's time to let it go, say she was a cunt, and be done with it...
 
Haha, don't worry dude, I'm with you, and I can't stand hippies! (I was TOTALLY about to write "I hate hippies," but I realized that wouldn't work too well with the argument I'm trying to advance :lol: Of course, I don't ACTUALLY hate them, but it's just so much more fun to say :D)
 
Metaltastic said:
Maybe you've never considered that hating that someone is giving them power over you to make you angry and unhappy when you think about them? Cuz that's what it sounds like the situation is with your ex-girlfriend dude; maybe it's time to let it go, say she was a cunt, and be done with it...
Click to expand...

hahaha, well thanks for the rebuke :lol:

okay wait a sec, you got me all wrong here. I am not saying that you should have like an eternal hatred towards anything, just that it is an important part of moving on with your life, experiencing new feelings, experiencing new ways of dealing with stuff that happened to you. I am way, way, way beyond any hatred towards my first ex now. but it helped me at the time of our split. it helped me realize how utterly stupid I was and how fucked up she was. hatred doesn't necessarily blind you, it can do quite the opposite, whereas love can blind you any time on the contrary.

hatred is a part of me and is of everyone else, just that I won't deny nor avoid it if it is needed. your heart and your gut will tell you when it is time to hate someone. she doesn't take control over me just because I still have feelings for her, be them good or bad and even if she would, it is still a very good way of working with it. because that's what I was trying to say. take it, use it and ADVANCE. it is important that you don't find yourself in a struggle or vicious circle where you repeat everything you do without knowing why. that's what I found in the OP, so bare with me if I'm totally wrong with this :)

I am by no means a sad or bitter person :lol: if I came off like this I probably wasn't clear enough in my statements. Tends to happen to me a lot. After all I expect others to think with me :D
 
Ah ok, I thought you were saying you still hated her and were trying to advocate that as a good/healthy thing :D Good points dude, and I getcha!
 
Metaltastic said:
Haha, don't worry dude, I'm with you, and I can't stand hippies! (I was TOTALLY about to write "I hate hippies," but I realized that wouldn't work too well with the argument I'm trying to advance :lol: Of course, I don't ACTUALLY hate them, but it's just so much more fun to say :D)
Click to expand...

Good thing is, as you all hopefully know, Hippies can't stand death metal thus won't invade my proximity...

Regarding emotional balance, Paul Masvidal is my hero. He seems to be the kinda guy you punch in the face and he will apologize for not resonating on your wavelength.

Key is really to catalyse negative emotions into positive energy, not to be dull... it takes the passion out of life.

Om...
 
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