Haha, I just found another reason to laugh at the stupidity of reqium99, a reviewer for Metal Crypt.
One thing I can say about this album is that it makes an interesting conversation piece. “Hey, wanna see a piece of shit?” Unfortunately, that is about the only redeeming feature of Ebony Birds, an appalling bad collection of doom-pop tunes with one of the worst vocalists in the history of heavy metal. Don’t be fooled by the stylized swastika cover into thinking this is some white supremacist black metal band, this is just gay Belarusian anti-music that should never have been released.
Classified by most as doom metal, Gods Tower has at least a few albums out, but if this one is any indication of what they are like, count me the fuck out from the rest. To be sure, there are moments on this disc that I didn’t hate, and a parts of a couple songs almost reached enjoyable levels, but there are just so many examples of horrible musicianship, songwriting, and vocal performances I could barely listen to this thing even once without feeling sick. In fact, some parts of this disc qualify as “anti-music”, that is, they almost sound as if they were written with the intent to avoid melody. This is the second worst band in the world, and is the second worst band to ever come out of Belarus. What the fuck is up with that country anyway? They’ve also spawned the horrid demon bastard children Divina Enema, aka The Worst Band in the World, and now I’ve “discovered” (I prefer the term “been aurally sodomized by”
a band almost as bad, if not worse than that hideously terrible neo-gothic loungecore act. I think Divina Enema is a bit worse, but their vocalist can’t match the guy on this Gods Tower disc. He transcends awful. He is so bad I had a very difficult time trying to think of things to say in this review, because really words alone can’t prepare you for just how bad he sounds. Imagine the lower pitched style of James Hetfield crossed with a death metal growl ala Cannibal Corpse, but done in horribly accented Belarusian and completely and totally off key about 2/3 of the time. I’d say he ruins the disc, but there isn’t anything here to ruin.
I genuinely hate this album. In fact, I hate it so much I actually set it on fire and laughed maniacally as it burned after I finished listening to it. Sure, I was out a few bucks since I couldn’t resell it on ebay, but I figure I did the world a favour by removing it from existence. Perhaps I saved some poor unsuspecting metal fan from similar torment?
Unless you enjoy the feeling of being stabbed with rusty razor blades while lying bleeding in a ditch after being sodomized by a zombie Josef Stalin and 2 leprechaun astronauts wielding pruning shears, do not buy anything by Gods Tower. Ever.
Originally written for
http://www.metalcrypt.com
An offense against both music and metal. - 0%
Written by requiem99 on August 26th, 2004
