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[Krilons Resa]

 

[Krigloch the Furious]

 

[Disgustipated]

Fuck me I am in the midst of backing out the most painful log I think I have ever endured. I knew adding extra chilli to that chilli prawn broth was a bad idea.

 

[Furious B]

that sounds horrendous bro.

 

[refraction]

I want to start a doom metal band with a midget. And possibly that drummer from Compressorhead.

 

[neal]

...because you already have an awesome clever doom/midget related band name?

 

[Krilons Resa]

I had the most epic shit ever yesterday. Due to my diet, most of my shits are very firm and my toilet has a hard time flushing them. I don't even bother try dropping a deuce in my upstairs bathroom. Well, yesterday's log was firm and long as FUCK. As I was blowing another hernia out by pushing this fucker out, I realized how long it was coming out without breaking so I tried flushing the toilet midway through hoping it would break off...no dice. It finally all comes out and half of it is down the drain already, while the other end is all the way up the toilet where there is no water. I tried flushing it a few times but nothing would happen. Luckily I had a sandwich bag on my counter so I wiped my ass a few times and sealed it into there so I didn't have to put it in the toilet. I didn't want to break out the spatula and start going to work on this monstrous turd so I started to think about what I could throw in there to help break it down. I got out the clorox bleach and poured a bunch in the bowl, came back a couple hours later and tried flushing. Same outcome. What a beast! I couldn't let it just sit there forever so I had break out a long, flathead screwdriver and hack away at the fucker after I took a few last minutes to admire it. For curiousity's sake, I stuck the screwdruiver into it and pulled it out of the pipe. The fucker had to be about a foot and a half. It truly was insane. I finally chopped it up with the screwdriver, making an absolute mess of the procelain inside. It was terrible. The fucker had the consistency of ultra-thick fudge...with flaxseeds all up in there.

I still can't believe it. Frank would be proud.

 

[NAD]

hahahahahaha yes. I've watched horror movies similar to that little episode.

I was going to share a poopstory in here this morning but texted it to a few friends instead.

It's not nearly as cool as yours, but let's just say that last night's chili experiment was a GREAT success.

 

[dorian gray]

Lol @ the clorox part

 

[Krilons Resa]

it's the though that counts.

however, i think only lyme could have broken this shit down.

 

[dorian gray]

I thought it was a stroke of genius

 

[Reign in Acai]

lmao @ Ken



I was at a chum's house on Monday, and was nearly grief stricken when my turd temporarily clogged his throne. Thankfully, dude had a bad ass plunger next to the altar for prompt unclogging.


Worst shit story of recent memory was about a month ago. Ten minutes before work, pre-shower, I had to drop some pumpernickel. I let it rip like Hogan in Thunder in Paradise, turd as big as Gug's cd collection, though seeing more "spins." Nevertheless, I was "deep" in to this shat, and had forgot to flush before wiping. During torrential turds it's imperative to flush prior to cleaning or one is asking for a backup. Perhaps this is the one benefit to wiping whilst standing, you can obtain an aerial view of the damages. Alas, I sat there 56 plys in to rescue rooting my arse hole from a salmonella outbreak. I flush and wince as Destiny's Child's "Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls" flashes before my mind. I promptly reach for the water shut off valve, but a pool of stool had already began cascading over the dome of my dismay. I retreat several feet in my chanklas and grab a Hanes shirt from my bedroom to dam the seepage. At this juncture on account of my puncture, the Peter North sized log has begun to float at the top of the bowl. "Hello cruel world." Being amply supplied with utensils, I grabbed a fork and a grocery bag, and fished the fillet mignoff out of it's above ground wading pond and in to a environmentalist's nightmare. Feculent and mephitic, humility lay over the land...

 

[EffigyForgotten]

If there's one thing I've learned about taking shits, wiping before flushing the shit will clog the toliet 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999% of the time.

 

[dorian gray]

lol!!!

TLC did "Waterfalls" btw

 

[dorian gray]

Also, dudes, to prevent overflowage, simply remove the top of the reservoir and push the plunger back down, effectively eliminating the flush.
Use a plunger (or screwdriver in Ken's case) to send your shit on its way, then flush it again.

 

[Reign in Acai]

lol!!!

TLC did "Waterfalls" btw

I threw that out there to out the "poseurs."

 

[Dick Sirloin]

I've never understood why it's spelled that way. Shouldn't it be "posers"? "Poseurs" looks like some kind of French word, pronounced po-SWAS. Fucking stupid.

 

[Krigloch the Furious]

damn! You guys are killing it! Good job, Ken and Jerry!

 

[dorian gray]

I threw that out there to out the "poseurs."

Nicely done!

 

[Tide In Mind Out]

Finally getting back on my feet after a bout with the flu...or something. Hadn't been pooping much at all while I was ill, but today everything's back in order. Reading the poo stories probably helped restore normal function, too.