The (Un)official write anything you want page

A man who just died is delivered to a Kentucky mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. Bubba the mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look very good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives Bubba a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."

The woman returns the next day for the viewing To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to Bubba, "Whatever the cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?" To her astonishment, Bubba presents her with the blank check. "Dere's no charge," he says.

"No, really, I must pay you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says. "Honestly, ma'am," Bubba says, "it didn't cost me a ting. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his missus if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice."

"So, I just switched the heads."
 
But in more rationalistic terms, I believe that the word "awoken" is the third principal part of the English verb "to awaken", which as I understand (I'm not real expert on English grammar) has the principal parts "awaken, awakened, awoken" where the 3rd part is used in a pluperfect tense, as illustrated.

it also is the only word that I can think of at the moment that rhymes with "Hadoken", but I think that's actually pretty irrelevant.


If only I could get my internet access to the Oxford English Dictionary I'm sure I could justify my claims with that, or confirm that I am, in fact, actually very delicately and nimbly spewing pure bullshit out of my fingertips at this very second.
 
Jeez, when I had a baby, you all were like, "fuck you dorian! DIE!"

Anyway, I was just about to ask you what was up with the little wifey, J. but was too lazy. In fact, you were probably headed to the hospital when it popped into my head that she should be due soon.

Have fun!

things are alright. luckily the baby slept for about 3 hours today giving the wife time to sleep. the only problem so far is that the baby has jaundice (of which at least 50%, probably more, of babies get within a day or two of birth), so we will meet with the pediatrician tomorrow. shell just tell us to feed the baby formula to clear the bowels and sit down with her in indirect sunlight. whoopty doo.

other than that, it really is amazing to see a person half of which is yourself. the good (or bad depending on who's asking) is that she looks just like me. :D

my back is killing me because i slept on some damn couch with bars going up my back two nights in a row.
 
My computer chair just tried to kill me! here i was at my computer browsing the internet.... ok ok i was looking up porn, then bang! im falling backwards! The base of the chair broke 3 of the 5 legs snapped and sent the back of my skull hurtling towards furniture.

Now im stuck sitting on a drum stool, which is hurting my back severly.
 
well, the biggest thing we were worried about was that she hadnt taken a shit since about 3AM monday morning.

now tonight we gave her a bit of formula and put on the phototherapy blanket, and put her in her cradle swing for a few hours. when she woke up she started crying and i smelled something horrid coming from her general direction. checked her, and yep, one of the nastiest poop pisses ive ever seen. she was covered in tar-like poop from belly button to the top of her ass crack.

and everyone was happy :err:
 
Has an acquaintance, co-worker, stranger, your mother, ever called you by the wrong name? Such a mis-wording puts you in a pickle. Do you speak up and correct the lad?! Or just let it go, since you won't see the fuck for another year?

Either way, "Awkwarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd"
 
My mom (Carolyn) had one guy who called her Pat for like 15 years and she just went with it. Imagine how dumb the guy would feel if he figured it out. Awesome.