We all live dreaming, so... post here your feelings, your thoughts, your dreams!

[Melancholia]

Terria & mousewings@ I really wish you will both find real happiness and satisfaction in life.... Feeling depressed for the biggest part of my puberty,I think i can understand how you feel/felt....

I started feeling seriously depressed since i was 13 1/2-14 years old...had my last depressive month November 1999... Since then I haven't felt everything around me is collapsing,although i feel sad from times to times (like yesterday and probably today-I already feel a bit down) and was feeling totally empty for the last 3 summer-months...Have no idea how I managed to get through all this shit without doing any serious harm to myself...now I feel more balanced,have many plans for my life,though i still can't fully love myself and think positive for my future....
Music has helped a lot and love and being accepted the way i am was probably the key that helped me overcome all this...


I feel happy and satisfied with SOME parts of my life...and sometimes i wonder if this is all temporary......I shudder at the thought of losing my will to live and feel like i was feeling back then....

I guess painful experiences make people grow maturer and strong. Every awful period is succeded by a better one.
Keep these in mind...

This is the first time I am eing so open on a board.It seems that this board inspires me for personal confessions....Sorry for burdening you.....
take care of yourselves

 

[FatherVic]

I just can say WOW!!!
there are so many @mel, @rahvin, @lantis, @mousewings, @terria, @|ngenius, @whoever that I'd need some hours to write.
I deeply love this thread as leaves me a lid open from this dark box I'm in!
ehmmm glad to hear eveyone has opened.
I've never been understood, 'cause I've never wanted it. I've never opened my heart (just for my exgirlfriend though!!!!) and I still don't have the need to do it. My own feelings are so mine, so personal that I normally show my happy face to my mates.
It's not that "life sucks" thing. It's just that life is one of the greyish thing ever existed. There are black things as the ones happening in Afganistan, Africa and everywhere else. But still some white things as ppl who leave everything just save other helpless ppl. I would never give a thing for human being as a whole. I have never expected something good from our race. But I also think there are some that have they chance to change that feeling from me. I'm not talking 'bout me. I'm lost in this sense, but ppl like |ngenius and his "save_the_earth" thoughts. That gives me some little light.
I'm not based on my job/studies. I'd just love to live without them (but that's not possible in my situation)
I'd just love to have the guts to leave everything and travel to Greece to cheer up Melancholia, or going to California and paying his journey to Wacken, or helping |ngenius to save the world!! and definately would love to feel as atlantis, wanting to keep and holding on this I'm currently doing.

Now for the time I'm living now, I'd just love to get rid of this "defenceless" feeling as I've always been that ehhmmm "sure about myself" guy.
Thanx for bringing this patch of light, I'll keep showing up this thread, as I think one of the best thing of this forum is how WE get our innersenses to the rest of us!!!

 

[MacMoney]

*sigh*

I wish I had courage to open up like that.

 

[Malaclypse]

well i could empty my brain here, talking about what moves me, what offends me, what my motivations for living are. but i never felt like that. i'm not the type like exposing my problems to somebody else. i want to solve / get rid of them by myself. i know that's damn unwise as i bury some deep down, and they will rise in the most unfitting moments... but i can't help it. that's just the way it is. i only talk about these things if i'm somewhat drunk and with some good friends. what a fuck. i wish i wouldn't have these barrier, like macmoney said. it's the same with getting into conversation with females. i know this couldn't be all to hard and would surely benefit me ( well i COULD use a girlfriend again ), but nevertheless i simply don't manage it.
gee, yet i just told something which strangles my mind. funny. maybe it just lacks the persons one can talk to and who understand...

 

[|ngenius]

@Vulture: I know and accept many ppl are like ya, but I can't understand this kind of behaviour. You can't live alone, nobody can. And to live together is the way, in my opinion, to rise up the whole mankind (me and my typical optimism, as you can see... )

@Mel: Don't say excuses, a very big "Graciaaaaas!" to ya for improve this thread with your posts.

@mouse: Your "sister" is surely a great person, but there are some more like her. Live your life to find it.

@Master Melon: Q bonitooooo! XD

@Everybody: Thank ya. You probably see that I'm a fuckin' optimist, and my advices are usually to encourage you and paint the life in pink. I know to live is hard, and to feel alone in your own is quite common, more than all of us wish. But I think the key to rise again is to believe we are here together, as I said, and there are precious things in the world, things to make plenty our heart, our feelings, and our dreams, and some of you see it sometimes. Mel and Father have/had their couple, their mate in love. I never stayed with anybody 'cos I never found anybody, but I still believe! Some of ya have your family support, I have it with hard problems nowadays... but I still believe! I see the wars around the world, I saw the Twin Towers fall, but I still believe! When everything around you seems to fall... it's time to DON'T GIVE UP! I'm still here.

 

[FatherVic]

@Mac and Vulture....yep, I'm nearly the same to you....but sometimes I explode in feelings of a hundred colors. I've learned that exploding in unfitting moments is the worst way to explode, now I'm reaching a point where I can explode when I want, but it's hard to be wanting things like that....

@|ngenius...sí es bonito!!! I really don't know what worse my friend. Ok, you don't know yet what is to find your soulmate, but I think is worse to find it and see helplessly how it departs from you. It's like when there's a noise and you don't hear it until it stops...You've been hearing of course, but you didn't noticed until there is silence....well I feel like that....I had heaven and now there is silence....but hell yeah! I still believe.....someday I'll find the right one, being this rahvin or not....

 

[terria]

whow.

i am bla. impressed? quite close, but not the word. imagine something like touched, but better.

it's a great thing to see some people in here opening themselves... cause that's the way it works. i wouldn't have lived through 1998-2000 if i wouldn't have let it out in some ways; a whole PILE of diaries, MANY words with friends suffering the same shit, writing songs and lyrics... nobody seems to understand my lyrics until i explain them but this doesn't matter, the thing that matters is the point when i am standing in front of smiling crowd and sing a sentence like i hate to need you all or something; singing about the pain is a wonderfull way to overcome it
sometimes i laugh at the clouds that rain on me because i KNOW that their ass is burnt by the everlasting sun.
and hey, this is the first autumn since four years in which i DIDN'T have a depression! oh joy! things are getting better, getting better all the time...
@mousewings: *blush* *hugbackandholdstillforever* thanks for that one
@fathervic: just shades of grey... (you know that one? it's from nevermore's dreaming neon black, the most depressive album [after lacrimosa's first one] ever made... funky music! )
@mel: i don't see it as too big a burden for me if you show us that much trust that you tell us about your innermost
@|ngenius: isn't it sad that nowadays it's sort of uncool to be an optimist? even i am sometimes VERY VERY optimistic [as i said, manic depression and stuff] and i always get the feeling that i should apologize and say that life sucks [which it certainly does. sometimes]
@everybody: now THIS is a very special thread and i am fuckin proud to be part of a discussion forum where such a post as the one up above is answered...

thanks

 

[Phyros]

Is it the music that made us feel the way we do, or is it because we feel the way we do we listen to the music?

Sorry, just can´t bear the courage to write about my own problems, they are still to close on me, but I must say that it´s interesting that there are people I´ve been "talking to" at this board that share many of my feelings.

My ramblings will end for today, but I listen to the music because it tries to make me happy, eventhough I´m not right now. Thanks guys for coexisting with me.

-phyros-

 

[atlantis]

Originally posted by FatherVic
I just can say WOW!!!
My own feelings are so mine, so personal that I normally show my happy face to my mates.
It's not that "life sucks" thing. [..]
and definately would love to feel as atlantis, wanting to keep and holding on this I'm currently doing.

I hope you won't misunderstand it.
Keeping and holding on it's not like being satisfied of themselves.
If you run after something that cannot be found, you have to set a goal and try to think you can reach it, even just for a second...to go on.
I usually do it not, that's why I want to feel "glad" while showing to myself I have some ..."will"?
I do not want to be the same because I like myself. I do ot and hopefully I will never. I just don't want to be satisfied, and finally reach the goal.... I want to keep on the emptiness line, it makes me alive.

I'll keep on smiling, laughing and f. around. Playing the dumbass and the idiot, if necessary. It's going to save the inner me from invasions, that's enough.

Not proud to be unhappy, not unhappy, nothing at all.

Just breathing.
My one desire.

 

[|ngenius]

Originally posted by atlantis

I just don't want to be satisfied, and finally reach the goal.... I want to keep on the emptiness line, it makes me alive.

It's going to save the inner me from invasions, that's enough.

Just breathing.
My one desire.

Isn't more clear than your last post, I think. You're trying to "save" yourself from invasions? Who is the invader? And... you don't want to reach your goals? I can't understand that.


@Phyros: Isn't necessary to write about your problems. You can post your dreams and illusions too!!

@Terria: No, I'm proud to be as I'm, to be optimistic is chupi.

 

[astarte]

Originally posted by |ngenius
No, I'm proud to be as I'm, to be optimistic is chupi.

that killed the whole "bitter robot" image i had... now i can't read your posts with bender's voice anymore...

 

[mousewings]

I love this thread...

thanks everyone...

I have been here for only a few days, but I like this forum very much. I'll be sure to come back after my 2-week vacation.

See you all later.

 

[LoboUivante]

Originally posted by Phyros
Is it the music that made us feel the way we do, or is it because we feel the way we do we listen to the music?

Sorry, just can´t bear the courage to write about my own problems, they are still to close on me, but I must say that it´s interesting that there are people I´ve been "talking to" at this board that share many of my feelings.

My ramblings will end for today, but I listen to the music because it tries to make me happy, eventhough I´m not right now. Thanks guys for coexisting with me.

-phyros-

for me it's the second choice, im sad, frustrated, unhappy therefore i'll listen to music that will express the feeling i conceal to people... it sucks to be empty...

my only dream is go ahead with my almost formed band and express, create music for people like me, people like you without never being a jerk and always focused on the basic ideal, freedom... from everything... its saddening to remember you'll die and nobody will remember you... *sigh*

thanks for helping me to carry the burden

 

[rahvin]

@phyros: there sure is a connection between unsatisfaction and the sounds/lyrics we like the most... those traits are certainly linked someway in a depth we can but imagine. although i myself feel like quite a 'social' human being nowadays, my personal history speaks of a nature centered on reflections more than happy laughs and games.
i believe that, to an extent, this is true for most of us on this forum. pondering on (one's own) suffering, loneliness, disillusion, whatever, leads to more selective tastes in terms of music, movies, hobbies, friends. and what we stumble upon during our lifelong research invokes further reflections and musings over our own lives.

@|ngenius: when it comes to not wanting to reach one's goals, i suppose you might see it this way: spirits are aroused only in the longing. the chase is better than the catch. our goals are tiny in nature - no matter how grand and faraway they might appear - comparative to the possibilities of our imagination. the vision is always clearer and brighter than what you actually get in the end, so it's (possibly) better to run around the ring than to actually jump off and look right in the eye what you wanted so bad all along, because, you know, those eyes might be pretty vacant. or, worse, they might look like your own.

@those who feel like they opened up and those who don't: the distance between us all and the fact that we don't really know each other (mostly) might be an invitation or a put-off for opening up. there's nothing to be ashamed of or saddened for either way. despite what a lot of so-called official culture might think, acquaintances through the net are not a scam: we are true people in the real world. it's only obvious that what and how we feel will pass through to others when we write posts on this forum. it's ok and it's the salt of the earth.

rahvin.

 

[Final_Vision]

 

[atlantis]

Originally posted by |ngenius

Isn't more clear than your last post, I think. You're trying to "save" yourself from invasions? Who is the invader? And... you don't want to reach your goals? I can't understand that.

As anyone, I don't like people (anyone, more or less) digging my (naked?) I... As for reaching the goals, I am not speaking of "material" goals...as to get a degree, or go to the beach or whatever... I am speaking of ontological goals, existential fullfillment. I do not want to feel I've nothing more to ask.

 

[atlantis]

Originally posted by rahvin
@|ngenius: when it comes to not wanting to reach one's goals, i suppose you might see it this way: spirits are aroused only in the longing. the chase is better than the catch. our goals are tiny in nature - no matter how grand and faraway they might appear - comparative to the possibilities of our imagination. the vision is always clearer and brighter than what you actually get in the end, so it's (possibly) better to run around the ring than to actually jump off and look right in the eye what you wanted so bad all along, because, you know, those eyes might be pretty vacant. or, worse, they might look like your own.

Perfectly got the point....

 

[rahvin]

Originally posted by atlantis
As anyone, I don't like people (anyone, more or less) digging my (naked?) I...

ehm... i don't mean to interrupt your constant struggle for cryptic writing, but 'to dig your naked i' would actually mean appreciating your undressed body.

what you were most likely trying to say was that you don't like people to dig too deep into your self. i would personally feel this is a much more shared feeling than wishing to inspire abhorrence.

rahvin.

 

[atlantis]

Originally posted by rahvin
ehm... i don't mean to interrupt your constant struggle for cryptic writing, but 'to dig your naked i' would actually mean appreciating your undressed body.

what you were most likely trying to say was that you don't like people to dig too deep into your self. i would personally feel this is a much more shared feeling than wishing to inspire abhorrence.
rahvin.

Na nah nah. Be more poetic. My naked self is too... "raw", dear teacher
I see I missed the into... oh, hangover mostly...but "dig into the naked I" is a 70's song. The band was american, so it has to be some kind of english, after all...


And, of course, I don't believe I am the one (and lost) in the universe unite who thinks it (I know it's a shared feeling).

no?

 

[rahvin]

i wasn't objecting to the point of fact, nor to your use of 'naked i' (we both know recent songs with that line, too ).

as for the former, i'm not so protective of my intimate feelings: all those unlucky enough to want to know or care are very much welcome into the abysmal portions of my self, as naked as it is fit. but i'm well aware of diffused feelings of unease when one thinks his/her core is bare to the world to see.

when it comes to the self/i dispute, i merely used 'self' because, speaking about you a first person pronoun would have been quite out of place.

finally, i'm sincerely sorry if your naked self is too raw. try some cream.

rahvin.