Bacchante
The Dreaming Mind
- Mar 14, 2004
- 2,632
- 28
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I do agree that life can be an enjoyable ride, but I find it frustrating. I want to be happy, but so many fucked up things happen to me that I sometimes lose hope. It's like all I want to do is get out and enjoy life while I'm still breathing, but then I'm hit with something that makes it impossible to walk, eat or move without excruciating pain. That's when I absolutely hate everything about life because I feel trapped inside myself? When I'm feeling great, I sometimes feel elation, but sometimes I just feel dead inside. I grew up in perpetual terror at home/school, and all of those issues fucking haunt me. I now understand what happened, and I know that my brain developed differently from most people. I can now recognize this, and I'm trying to do my own cognitive therapy so I can fucking trash the hardwired patterns and enjoy life again. It's hard to enjoy life when you're depressed uncontrollably, feel like you're living in a haze & you're constantly reliving shit from childhood. I want that shit to stop more than anything.
Kevin, nature is my salvation. Everything in nature seems so perfect. No matter what happens to me, I know that I can always take a walk in the early morning and expect to be blown away with the beauty of dawn. I know that I'll watch the animals get up and do their little routines, then I'll stumble across some incredibly flavorful wild berries or fruit and forage a bit myself. It's that kinda stuff that makes me feel better about life.
I understand that life is what you create, and the shittiness that happens enhances the great time you have that much more? It will always have its highs and lows, and I need to focus on the former. Lately, I'm more aware of the fact that I could die any day (car accident, etc), and that I need to work on accomplishing my dreams NOW.
As for humanity, I feel like the new environmental movement is steering us in the right course, but there are still major roadblocks...like these giant, soulless corporations. I hear about what things like BP and Monsanto are doing to us and our home, and it rips out my guts inside. It just blows my mind that other humans out there seem to have no conscience. I always choose wisely and vote with my dollar, but I want to do more. I feel like I see the world for what it is, and so many people are content to be blind and let wrongdoings perpetuate. This is why I want to get back into activism so I can help change the world for the better. It also kills me that people still judge others according to color, not character, and people are willing to blindly hate and kill without asking 'why'. I'm always teaching my little cousins that color doesn't matter because we're all the same people, we just come from different places on the earth. I wish people would evolve mentally and see that we are all the same species, let go of color.
Bottom line, if humanity doesn't let go of greed, racism, blind hatred, and intolerance, then we are all fucked. If we don't wake up and start caring for ourselves, eachother and the earth we live on, then we/it will become an inhabitable cesspool. I will die happy when I see humanity finally treat the world, and each other, with respect and love. I feel like I already came to this conclusion as a child, and I have never felt 'human', as stupid as that sounds. I feel tortured just living with all of these injustices still going on in the world. I want to help people help themselves?
I also view humanity (at this time) as a cancer on the earth. If people would be conscientious, I would feel differently.
Kevin, nature is my salvation. Everything in nature seems so perfect. No matter what happens to me, I know that I can always take a walk in the early morning and expect to be blown away with the beauty of dawn. I know that I'll watch the animals get up and do their little routines, then I'll stumble across some incredibly flavorful wild berries or fruit and forage a bit myself. It's that kinda stuff that makes me feel better about life.
I understand that life is what you create, and the shittiness that happens enhances the great time you have that much more? It will always have its highs and lows, and I need to focus on the former. Lately, I'm more aware of the fact that I could die any day (car accident, etc), and that I need to work on accomplishing my dreams NOW.
As for humanity, I feel like the new environmental movement is steering us in the right course, but there are still major roadblocks...like these giant, soulless corporations. I hear about what things like BP and Monsanto are doing to us and our home, and it rips out my guts inside. It just blows my mind that other humans out there seem to have no conscience. I always choose wisely and vote with my dollar, but I want to do more. I feel like I see the world for what it is, and so many people are content to be blind and let wrongdoings perpetuate. This is why I want to get back into activism so I can help change the world for the better. It also kills me that people still judge others according to color, not character, and people are willing to blindly hate and kill without asking 'why'. I'm always teaching my little cousins that color doesn't matter because we're all the same people, we just come from different places on the earth. I wish people would evolve mentally and see that we are all the same species, let go of color.
Bottom line, if humanity doesn't let go of greed, racism, blind hatred, and intolerance, then we are all fucked. If we don't wake up and start caring for ourselves, eachother and the earth we live on, then we/it will become an inhabitable cesspool. I will die happy when I see humanity finally treat the world, and each other, with respect and love. I feel like I already came to this conclusion as a child, and I have never felt 'human', as stupid as that sounds. I feel tortured just living with all of these injustices still going on in the world. I want to help people help themselves?
I also view humanity (at this time) as a cancer on the earth. If people would be conscientious, I would feel differently.
