A good laugh (women and men)

[Don Corleone]

Ok, im sure some of you had this forwarded to you from someone, but anyways. it's very good and i felt like sharing. thoughts? critiques?

Do the Math in Men/Women


ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime


SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't
need.


GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man
never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful
man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A
successful woman is one who can find such a man.


HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand
her at all.


LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot
more willing to die.


PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A
man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.


DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after
that
is
the beginning of a new argument.


HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs
and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I
started doing
the
same thing to them at funerals.


SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE GUYS YOU
THINK
CAN
HANDLE IT!

 

[neph]

great, a fun thread... has anybody watched the film or read the book Trainspotting? This is an Irish adaptation...

Rainspotting: A novel (ish).
Choose Ireland.
Choose driving rain and grim, grim days.
Choose cold turkey (raw in fact) brought about by wind-induced power cuts.
Choose watching the years fly past without so much as fifteen minutes of consecutive
sunshine to banish the sickly pallor.
Choose no snow. Ever.
Choose only the worst kind of wet, oily slush.
Choose hurricane force winds which arrive with monotonous regularity
to drive people indoors, knock trees and strip slates off roofs.
Choose nine months of winter and three months of early spring.
Choose January.
Choose heavy colds brought about by waiting in the perpetual rain for public transport
that never comes.
Choose wintry shards of sunshine which last just long enough to convince you that
the umbrella is unnecessary.
Choose absolutely savage downpours which immediately follow the wintry sun shards.
Choose the smell of wet wool in overcrowded pubs.
Choose being driven from the pub into the sleet by dour barmen shouting: 'Have yis
no homes to go to'.
Choose children coughing in your face, passing on their weather-related illnesses.
Choose more colds. And coughs. And running noses and streaming eyes.
Choose the central heating breaking down and the chimney going on fire.
Choose burst water mains and flooded flats.
Choose winter.
Choose black ice and white ice. Equally slippy. Born slippy even.
Choose biting easterly winds. Painful hailstones.
Choose no atmospheric frost. Only bleak and dreary drizzle.
Choose frost.
Choose leaking shoes and lost hats.
Choose rain. And more rain. And still more rain.
Choose Ireland.

 

[Don Corleone]

amazing movie (sorry i've only seen the movie)! one of the funniest scenes ive ever seen in my life: where the guy finds out he's fooling around with a travestite! I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF.

 

[Morpheus]

yes it's an amazing movie, though i didn't understand a lot when watched in english, hehe.
that toilet scene is great, disgusting, but great, reminds me of Mehdi's avatar

 

[speakinstone]

Originally posted by Morpheus
that toilet scene is great, disgusting, but great, reminds me of Mehdi's avatar

you know, i was at cin watchin 'star wars: attack of the clones', and there was some scene where obi-wan, the glorious jedi knight, was kinda ruling.. then suddenly i've got a flashback of that toilet-part.. he lost a bit of his glory, somehow.. obi-wan-ewan i mean.

 

[speakinstone]

 

[Morpheus]

Originally posted by speakinstone
you know, i was at cin watchin 'star wars: attack of the clones', and there was some scene where obi-wan, the glorious jedi knight, was kinda ruling.. then suddenly i've got a flashback of that toilet-part.. he lost a bit of his glory, somehow.. obi-wan-ewan i mean.

 

[Crack Hitler]

That Anakin-twat spoiled too many scenes.. Tho a good movie compared to that episode 1 stinker...

 

[Crack Hitler]

Originally posted by speakinstone

That supposed-to-be-vader looks kinda odd with this bg-color

 

[speakinstone]

Originally posted by Crack Hitler
That Anakin-twat spoiled too many scenes.. Tho a good movie compared to that episode 1 stinker...

uhh..yes. twat he was.

 

[speakinstone]

Originally posted by Crack Hitler
That supposed-to-be-vader looks kinda odd with this bg-color

he's darkest of all dark. of course you can't see him. but a part of him.. dunno which part, though..?

 

[Bambi]

It does snow in ireland. I remember it well. I was twelve years old

 

[ashure]

Originally posted by Don Corleone

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

great one indeed!

I think this one sounds better : dumb man+dumb woman = married with children.

 

[sol83]

Originally posted by Don Corleone
amazing movie (sorry i've only seen the movie)! one of the funniest scenes ive ever seen in my life: where the guy finds out he's fooling around with a travestite! I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF.

They're gonna make a sequel called "Porno" (again based on a book). Lovely.....