I have always found that 101 rules of black metal to be pretty stupid and just exagerated. This is way better, because I find it funny how many of these apply to me in some way.
30 signs you listen to black metal way too much
1. You hear your favorite black metal song when you spray a can of Lysol
2. You think you hear a blastbeat when a motorcycle passes by
3. 'Transilvanian Hunger' is the CD you fall asleep to
4. Thinking about black metal at work/school anxiously arouses you
5. "Darkened blackforests rising north" is a complete sentence
6. When the air conditioning turns on you think it's a Vlad Tepes bootleg
7. "Bleh" is a word
8. "Blackstorms" is a word
9. Grim means being evil, cold and dark; and anyone who thinks it means sad and dreary is WRONG
10. Cold is not just a temperature, it's an emotion
11. Moonblood are gods and you have paid $100+ for an album of theirs on Ebay
12. You lost all your non-BM friends because you tried to convert them all the time
13. You listen to Ildjarn and enjoy it immensely
14. You haven't heard a band with a real drummer in months
15. You know and have met Wlad and Vorlok of Vlad Tepes
16. "Lords of Chaos" is mainstream, even though you read it before you go to bed
17. Every big company is run by jews, even FUBU
18. You consider SR Prozak to be your favorite 'philosopher'
19. You say you hate American BM even though you adore Weltmacht/ Averse Sefira/Xasthur
20. Anus is a website, not a rectal cavity
21. You read Prozak reviews so much that you have to degrade the complexity of your sentences after you say them so your friends can understand them
22. Death Metal is total garbage, even though you adore old Morbid Angel and Grotesque
23. You're embarrassed about every non-BM band you listen to
24. You've traded so many tapes/CD-Rs that an army could come to your house and assassinate you
25. Mega Man X music reminds you of Dissection and Sigh
26. You queue so much stuff on Direct Connect that you have albums you never even knew about
27. Your girlfriend has had a crush on Fenriz since the 7th grade
28. You have Immortal's "Pure Holocaust" glued to your ass
29. You actually like some "Impaled Northern Moon Forest" riffs and will
steal them since you know no one else cared enough to notice
30. You have no clue that "ist krieg" means "is war" and you use it in the context to describe something that is cool
MORE:
-When black army pants and a Watain shirt count as your "nice clothes".
- When you consider being called morbid and grim as a compliment
- When you only acquire geographical knowlege from trying to find out where your favorite bands live.
- When you have pictures with several different band members and each time someone sees them you say "That's (person) from (his band). They suck now."
- When almost everything you say, no matter how innocuous, makes non-BM people very uncomfortable.
- When you see a pretty girl and wonder how she'd look in corpse paint.
- When you don't consider the word "kult" a misspelling.
- When you know the history of the Norwegian Black Circle better than your family history.
- When you hear crows and immediately a Graveland song starts playing in your head.
- When you can manage to decipher an unintelligible logo design, even if it doesn't actually feature letters in it.
- When well produced music causes you headaches because it's so loud and full.
- When you're playing an album on your CD changer and suddenly realize you have no idea which band it is.
- When you have more than 3 bands in your collection with names beginning in "Black".
- If you've ever seriously considered naming your firstborn child "Frost".
- When your estimation of reality is divided into "Black Metal" and "Not
Black Metal"
- When you aspire to move to another country on account of their Black Metal scene.
- When the only Norwegian you know is from the Storm and Isengard albums.
- When you USED to think Osmose was a great record label.
- When you purposely try to find and actively follow bands nobody else has heard of, just so when they finally get known you can lay claim to being an original fan.
- When you think that starting up a Black Metal band or underground zine would be a great idea.
- When you think of bullets as a fashion accessory.
- When every release you own is "handnumbered, limited to 666 copies".
- When you use the word "goat" as an adjective.
* You feel happier when the weather is cold and the sky is cloudy and
darker.
* When you see a church, an image of it burning in flames automatically
comes to your mind.
* You think that comitting suicide is not an unusual thing and have probably thought about it at least once.
* You have already been doubtful whether you should be an adept of satanism or heathenism.
* When youìre on vacation, youìd rather go to a forest than go to the beach.
- you start to look up to the moon for hours a night
- when you speak to some girl the first time you say something like "hi, Iìm Azalgr"
- you run into a car because hair above your eyes makes you look evil
- your last nightìs dream included several dead bodies
- you tatooed the 666 all over your chest
