Everybody knows... shit happens

[AsModEe]

Taoism: If you understand shit, it isn't shit

Hinduism: This shit happened before

Confucianism: Confucius say: "Shit happens"

Buddhism: Shit will happen to you again

Islam: if shit happens it is the will of Allah

Jehova's Witness: Knock Knock, shit happens

Atheism: I don't believe this shit

Agnosticism: Can you prove that shit happens?

Protestantism: Shit happens, amen to that

Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it

Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?

Televangelism: Send money or shit will happen to you

Nation of Islam: Don't take no shit

Rastafarianism: let's smoke this shit

New age: Visualize shit happening

Hedonism: I love it when shit happens

Satanism: sneppah tihs

Capitalism: this is MY shit

Feminism: Men are shit!

Existentialism: What is shit, anyway?

Mormonism: Excrement happens (don't say shit)

Mysticism: this is really weird shit

Voodoo: Shit doesn't just happen, we made it happen

Disneyism: Bad shit doesn't happen here

Communism: Let's share the shit

Marxism: You have nothing to lose but your shit

Conspiracy theorism: THEY shit on us!

Psycho-analysis: tell me about your shit

Darwinism: survival of the shittiest

Amish: Modern shit is useless

Suicidal: I've had enough of this shit

Optimism: Shit won't happen to me

Shakeaspearean: To shit or not to shit, that is the question

Descartes: I shit therefore I am

Freud: shit is a phallic symbol

Lawyers: For enough money, I can get you out of shit

Acupuncturist: Hold still or this will hurt like shit

Dog: I just shit in your shoe

Cat: Dogs are shit

Mouse: Oh shit! A cat!

Einstein: Shit is relative

Materialism: Whoever dies with the most shit, wins

Vegetarianism: If it happens to shit, don't eat it

Fatalism: Oh shit, it's going to happen

Americanism: Who gives a shit?

Stastitician: Shit is 84,7% likely to happen

Hip-Hop: Motherfuck this shiznit, beeeatch!

Tantrism: Fuck this shit

Cynicism: We are all full of shit

Surrealism: Fish happens

 

[lad]

Yeah I've got that poster. Alas, it attracts a lot of unwanted visitors.

 

[AsModEe]

hehe cool, I got it yesterday, along with a murphy's law poster and a Quadmire "lines for lovin' the ladies" poster

 

[lad]

Cool. My current favourite has to be, 'Feminism - "men are shit"', mainly since all the girls that have looked at it have remained jaw-dropped yet speechless, heehee.

 

[RedKef]

I like surrealism. Salvador Dali!

 

[Mike]

GW Bush: We have a saying down in Texas, it's that Shit......... never happens. Or was it..... Shit.... sometimes happens. Wait no it's that Shit...


...whatever it is, we must stay the course.

 

[El Stormo]

Danny Glover: "I'm too old for this shit!"

 

[Mike]

Danny Glover: "I'm too old for this shit!"

stop saying funny shit all the time, everytime i try to rep you i get You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to El Stormo again.

 

[El Stormo]

stop saying funny shit all the time, everytime i try to rep you i get You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to El Stormo again.

That's cuz this ain't no bank robbery.

 

[kerrys wear boots]

 

[Reminiscence]

The suicidal one is the best.

 

[Det Som Engang Var]

"Dog: I just shit in your shoe"

lmao

 

[Burning Bridges]

my friend bought me that shirt like a couple years ago

 

[Metal head87]

Disneyism: Bad shit doesn't happen here

Lawyers: For enough money, I can get you out of shit

Vegetarianism: If it happens to shit, don't eat it

Hip-Hop: Motherfuck this shiznit, beeeatch!

Confucious say "Man who go to sleep with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger"

 

[Calamitas1786]

Did you really take the time to type all that?

 

[Souls of Black]

Jeff L: My arpeggios are the shit!
Steve: My pointy pink guitar is the shit
Van: I am going to beat the shit out of my Peace
Jim: I only need four strings of shit
WD: Let's agree to disagree on the shit

SoB: My new C7 is the shit...

 

[Metal head87]

Slipknot- We all take it in our shitters!

 

[WhiteBeastofWotan]

Creative.

 

[Souls of Black]

Dave Mustaine: My shit is now saved
Lemmy: What the hell is this shit on my face
Halford: ****** uh no..... :Smug:
Bruce D: My shit can fly

 

[Metal head87]

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt, and he has an interesting family tree:


In 1957, Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.


They had one son, Jack.


Jack Schitt grew up and married Noe, and together Jack and Noe Schitt produced 6 children:


Holie Schitt (who came to be known as "The Lucky Schitt")
Fulla Schitt
Shineola (who didn't really have the Schitt Face)
Giva Schitt
Bull Schitt (who really looked like Schitt, the father),
and the twins: Dip Schitt and Deep Schitt.


Dip Schitt was not very bright, and was known as "The stupid Schitt", and she married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out who happened to share the same last name (no relation, however). Friends affectionately nicknamed them "The Schitts". Their marriage produced no little Schitts.


The other twin, Deep Schitt, went on to build a deodorant empire, which became famous for it's slogan: "Smell Like Schitt". Interestingly, that slogan only worked in the United States, and another slogan was more popular in the U.K.: "Put a dab of Schitt on your pits." When the company launched it's product into Australia, a third slogan was used successfully: "Smell Like Schitt Down Under".


But soon, trouble developed and Noe Schitt divorced Jack and promptly married a nice man named Ted Sherlock, but being a modern woman, she decided to hyphenate her name. She become known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.


Jack was depressed at losing Noe, but he, too, remarried a nice lady named Loda. The blushing bride, Loda Schitt, produced a son of nervous disposition, whom they named Chicken Schitt.


Jack and Loda went on to produce two more boys, Krappy Schitt and Ugglee Schitt.


These athletic brothers, Krappy and Ugglee, married the stunningly beautiful Happens Sisters in a dual ceremony.


The "Schitt-Happens" Wedding was a huge affair, and this union also produced many offspring:
Dawg Schitt
Byrd Schitt
Hoarse Schitt
and Pigh Schitt


But once again, Jack lost his love for his wife, and left to tour the world. He recently returned from an extended visit to Italy with his newest bride, Pisa.


Presently Jack Schitt and his 3rd wife, Pisa Schitt, are living without children in New Jersey on property which contains a stream of water, now known to the locals as "Schitt Creek."


(From now on, nobody can say you don't know Jack Schitt!)