Interfaith marriage, and the effect on the offspring

[Dolly Despair]

Hello, and thank you very much for coming to this thread. Before I begin, I do not intend to hurt or offend anyone by what I am about to say. So if any offence is caused, then I am deeply sorry and it was very much unintended.

OK, let us begin.

My mother was brought up in a strictly orthodox Catholic surrounding, my father was brought up with Pagan beliefs. They got married, a Catholic wedding because my mum said that if they didn't have one there would be no wedding at all. After that, my father's parents threw a hissy fit, and disowned him. I have only seen that set of grandparents twice in my life, and they do not care for me or my brother very much.

My mother's parents however, are truly wonderful. They have been around me all my life.

Now...

When my parents had me, there was a discussion over whether I should be cristened or not... my mother was adament that I should be, my father was against it. So in the end, my father won and I was not cristened. Neither was my brother.

Because of my parents beliefs, my childhood was quite confusing because I never knew what to believe. My mother tried to educate me more on the subject of Christianity, my father just stood by feeling he was in the wrong. And this was causing tension, because my mother had a lot of morals and such, and, my father did too, but his were quite different.

Up until a few years ago, I used to be God-fearing. Then I picked up one of my dad's books on Buddhism, I found it quite interesting, but when my mum found out she took the book away from me and scalded my father for letting me read that sort of thing. And it dawned on me... If God was real, then he wouldn't let my dad go to hell, because that would make me unhappy. Maybe there was no hell at all? But in that case, there couldn't be a heaven. After many a confusing time, I decided that I shouldn't have to believe anything, and since then I have been Athiest.

There is more to my story. The reason I haven't written it all down is a combination of two things. One, I am suffering from exhaustion having been overworked and underpaid. Two, I can't really put into words some of the events that happened.

I am not whinging about my childhood, I found it to be a very happy one. And wouldn't change anything for the world. And incase you were wondering, my parents are still together, and the arguments have almost ceased ever since my brother decided to stop beliving in any religion.

I'm not saying that the choice my brother and I made were the right choices, but they were the right choices for us. They may not be the right choice for others though, but we respect that because well... different strokes different folks.

Anyway, the whole purpose of me writing my dull life story on here is because I would like to know your thoughts of Interfaith marriages, and possibly your thoughts on how it would affect the offspring.

Or if you had parents from an interfaith marriage, how did it affect you?

Here are some useful links:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interfaith_marriage

http://www.interfaithmarriage.org.uk/

http://www.religioustolerance.org/ifm_menu.htm

Once again, I am truly sorry if any of the content in my post offended anyone. If you wish, you may PM me and have a go at me, I will understand!

Discuss the above please...

 

[Pyro_Fish]

If God was real,

if the Judeo-Christian "God" were real, then there wouldn't be multiple contradictory religions, so we wouldn't be having this conversation

 

[Pyro_Fish]

Anyway, the whole purpose of me writing my dull life story on here is because I would like to know your thoughts of Interfaith marriages, and possibly your thoughts on how it would affect the offspring.

Or if you had parents from an interfaith marriage, how did it affect you?


Once again, I am truly sorry if any of the content in my post offended anyone. If you wish, you may PM me and have a go at me, I will understand!

Discuss the above please...

Christian Bible specifically instructs against inter-faith marigages (as do the holy texts of most religions)


how would it affect offspring? i don't know, i've never seen an inter-faith couple try to raise kids together, although, i remember that when Tom Cruise and Nicole Kiddman's marriage ended there was great media hype about whether the kids would be taught Tom's religion or Nicole's

i was raised by one single parent

the people who got offended at your post were religion-ized to the point that their being offended at your post should be ignored

 

[Dolly Despair]

the people who got offended at your post were religion-ized to the point that their being offended at your post should be ignored

I suppose, yes. But then again, I am trying to keep everyone happy here

 

[waif]

No offense, but it seems to me your mother was in the wrong taking that book away. I think in this case the child should be allowed to choose which (if any) faith they wish to follow. Of course no matter what this is a recipe for awkwardness.

 

[Hallucinations]

And this was causing tension, because my mother had a lot of morals and such, and, my father did too, but his were quite different.

Atheistic morals are quite the same as what religious people's morals are. Except religious people base their morality on the bible, whereas atheists (for the most part) try to be moral and indiscriminate simultaneously, more humanistic to put it simply.

Inter-faith means nothing

 

[forbidden fruit]

I think there will definitely be some impact on the child... not from a formation of morals point view necessarily, but from a confusing & potentially unstable homelife one.
Nothing starts an argument (or a war) like religion... imagine growing up in a household where the 4th crusade is just a minor blasphemy away.

Dolly, don't take offence to this... it's just an observation, but you seem to be painfully aware that different people may have different opinions on things to you.... which is by no means a bad thing, but you also seem to be somewhat apologetic about being seen to have an opinion.

If you're wondering what impact conflicting views on the part of the parents in regard to issues like religion, morals or ethics (i.e. the 'biggies') will have on the child.... look no further than your own post.

I suppose that's also the downside of not aligning yourself with any religion... the buck stops with you, as well as all the guilt.

 

[Silver Incubus]

I just thought dolly was being polite and politically correct. Although non of that really applies on this forum

 

[Pyro_Fish]

Dolly, don't take offence to this... it's just an observation, but you seem to be painfully aware that different people may have different opinions on things to you.... which is by no means a bad thing, but you also seem to be somewhat apologetic about being seen to have an opinion.

dolly
don't be apologetic about having an opinion, i can understand going through a little effort to avoid pissing off people, but you, as a human being, should have opinions, and you should feel free to voice your opinions, even when, (especially when) your opinions are anti-thetical to the opinions of the rest of the board, in the case of a message board, being mute is the same thing as lying, if someone states an opinion that you strongly disagree with, then you should feel obligated to explain your POV

 

[WeAreTheLastMen]

My father is Catholic, and my mother is atheist. They split up pretty early (only partly because of their philosophical differences) but continued to argue over how I would be brought up. I attended church until I was old enough to care, by which time I was also old enough to simply refuse to go.
Eventually I because atheist because:
1) Christianity has been responsible for a lot of bad things throughout history.
2) Hell seemed like a bullshit scare tactic.
3) Like most people, I enjoy feeling like a rebel. You know what I'm talking about.
4) I felt Catholics were always trying to tell other people how to live.
Eventually, I realized that:
1) Not really, religion is easily manipulated. The religion itself is not responsible people are. The same thing is happening with Islam.
2) Catholicism doesn't believe in the literal hell, just hell as the absence of God's presence. So hell isn't really a punishment to those who have never know God's presence.
3)....
4) Yeah, they do. So does everyone else.
I'm still not Catholic, but I understand both sides of the argument probably more than I would have had my parents shared the same faith (maybe), and I definitely think that this is at least responsible for speeding up the very early stages of my philosophical maturation as I was forced to examine many different religious philosophies in order to appease my parents at a time when they both wanted me to make some sort of decision.

My mother was brought up in a strictly orthodox Catholic surrounding

Not to be an asshole, but there are no orthodox catholics. Just wondering.

if the Judeo-Christian "God" were real, then there wouldn't be multiple contradictory religions, so we wouldn't be having this conversation

Um, Yes we would, unless the Judeo-Christian God suddenly decided that free will was really going a bit far, and rescinded it.

Atheistic morals are quite the same as what religious people's morals are. Except religious people base their morality on the bible, whereas atheists (for the most part) try to be moral and indiscriminate simultaneously, more humanistic to put it simply.

Yeah, they're more or less the same basic principles... but neither are most humanistic or indiscriminate... the principle that all people are equal doesn't leave many loopholes or much room for discrimination.

Inter-faith means nothing

I think those of us who have access to a dictionary are now offended.

I think there will definitely be some impact on the child... not from a formation of morals point view necessarily, but from a confusing & potentially unstable homelife one.

Yep.

 

[waif]

Atheistic morals are quite the same as what religious people's morals are. Except religious people base their morality on the bible, whereas atheists (for the most part) try to be moral and indiscriminate simultaneously, more humanistic to put it simply.

Inter-faith means nothing

A: this isn't a discussion of the virtues of atheism over religion
B: Wrong

I think there will definitely be some impact on the child... not from a formation of morals point view necessarily, but from a confusing & potentially unstable homelife one.

Oh, definitely. But the same could be said of any household in which the parents had some fundamental disagreemnet...that came up constantly in daily life...actually, I guess it would have to be religion.
Anyhow, the kid would get the basic moral grounding of "don't kill people, steal stuff, or lie", and everything else is just window dressing.

If you're wondering what impact conflicting views on the part of the parents in regard to issues like religion, morals or ethics (i.e. the 'biggies') will have on the child.... look no further than your own post.

Some people are like that. I have a friend who's always apologizing. Once I told her to stop apologizing and she said "sorry"

being mute is the same thing as lying,

No, actually. If you don't have anything constructive to say then feel free to hold back (sorta like if you don't have anything to add to a 3-month old thread, don't bump it, get my drift? )

 

[MetalBooger]

lol, ill scratch my previous post off cuz i totally misread that quote.

I know plenty of interfaith marriages, often the case is that they children and parents turn to a more ecumenical views of faith and spirit, going to one church or another. Other times the entire family converts to a specific religion, and that turns out well also.

That said i think an atheist and a theist marrying each other is stupid, i have seen it in RL and it just doesnt seem to mesh well. Even Buddhism and Christianity to a degree overlap, and most world religions to the moderates can be very accommodating.

 

[Hallucinations]

A: this isn't a discussion of the virtues of atheism over religion
B: Wrong

My bad, I thought one of the most prominent points of the story was that his/her Dad was a pagan. And then he had a Buddhism book lying around? Perhaps it was wrong of me to conclude that he was just an atheist, as he is probably a deist or polytheist, but he clearly wasn't in step with any organzed religion.

So in effect, the virtues of belief (or lack of them) are central to the upbringing of the child and the moral development. Atheist parents would teach critical thinking most likely, as they would tend to value thought more than parents of deep-rooted religious conviction.

Yeah, they're more or less the same basic principles... but neither are most humanistic or indiscriminate... the principle that all people are equal doesn't leave many loopholes or much room for discrimination.

Sure, people try to promote equality but what kind of Allah-loving muslim or Jesus-loving catholic admits to themselves that a member of the other religion is as good as them (in either soul or body)? I'm not going outof my way to disagree, I', pointing out what you have missed

I think those of us who have access to a dictionary are now offended.

You gave me a lulz

 

[forbidden fruit]

This kind of thing should be worked out by the parents-to-be.. BEFORE they are parents-to-be.
Obviously a lot of parenting is learning as you go, trial & error & wotnot... but something as fundamental as religious upbringing should be worked out beforehand.
It's not like it's an issue that sneaks up on you.

 

[derek]

Inter-faith marriage, dialogue, habitation...

It's all so terribly dull.

 

[MetalBooger]

This kind of thing should be worked out by the parents-to-be.. BEFORE they are parents-to-be.
Obviously a lot of parenting is learning as you go, trial & error & wotnot... but something as fundamental as religious upbringing should be worked out beforehand.
It's not like it's an issue that sneaks up on you.

+1

Seems like poor foresight to not consider this. In fact, its probably this lacking in foresight that results in so many failed and unfortunate marriages.

Atheist parents would teach critical thinking most likely, as they would tend to value thought more than parents of deep-rooted religious conviction.

This seems too generalized and possibly false, are you saying there is no critical thinking in the religious philosophy? Perhaps read up on your medieval philosophy. Critical thought is experienced in all walks of life, it does not mean you have to cast aside spiritual beliefs and traditions to be rational.

 

[Hallucinations]

This seems too generalized and possibly false, are you saying there is no critical thinking in the religious philosophy? Perhaps read up on your medieval philosophy. Critical thought is experienced in all walks of life, it does not mean you have to cast aside spiritual beliefs and traditions to be rational.

No I'm saying that parents with no religious convictions would be more likely to teach their kids to think for themselves instead of teaching them about the wonders of God.

I'm sure there's a lot of atheist parents who don't give a crap about their kids' education or well-being in general, but I think it would do considerably less damage to them if you neglected them than if you taught them to believe an ancient fallacy.

I know that plenty of the well-distinguished members of the intellectual elite are religious. Some of them have done great things. But to think critically while confined by the shackles of religion would be immensely difficult I'd say

But anyway I have taken this too far off topic as it is, just ignore my glorifications of atheism from now on. Kthxbi

 

[WeAreTheLastMen]

Sure, people try to promote equality but what kind of Allah-loving muslim or Jesus-loving catholic admits to themselves that a member of the other religion is as good as them (in either soul or body)?

hmmm... quite a few of them I know, actually although many don't. But even a few of the more devout ones who don't strive for it.

 

[MetalBooger]

I think it would do considerably less damage to them if you neglected them than if you taught them to believe an ancient fallacy.

I know that plenty of the well-distinguished members of the intellectual elite are religious. Some of them have done great things. But to think critically while confined by the shackles of religion would be immensely difficult I'd say

But anyway I have taken this too far off topic as it is, just ignore my glorifications of atheism from now on. Kthxbi

When you say damage them, how does it damage them? Objectively, without straying into some vague and subjective view on failure to reach enlightenment...

Perhaps instead of ignoring your biased and fallacious statements you could just avoid them to begin with? THen at least we would know you are basing your judgments on sound argument instead of fiction...

 

[waif]

My bad, I thought one of the most prominent points of the story was that his/her Dad was a pagan. And then he had a Buddhism book lying around? Perhaps it was wrong of me to conclude that he was just an atheist, as he is probably a deist or polytheist, but he clearly wasn't in step with any organzed religion.

I think "pagan" here may mean Buddhism; although it's usually used to refer to traditional European beliefs, it just means "not Christian"

what kind of Allah-loving muslim or Jesus-loving catholic admits to themselves that a member of the other religion is as good as them (in either soul or body)?

Anyone who wasn't a moron?