Lyrics that make you laugh

[FenriR]

Any lyrics that bring on teh lulz?

Personally, I always chuckle at In Their Darkened Shrines II, at the brutally growled 'In this monkey treeeeeee'. Which is odd, because there are no such lyrics in the song. I figure I'm just mishearing 'You who are faithful to me', or 'They shall teach me'.

Another is Virally Yours by the Black Dahlia Murder. 'I'm begging you take the ride to the cold and blue' makes me lol every time, again because of the ridiculous nature of the grim 'bllluuueeee'.

 

[The Ozzman]

/thread

 

[Koude Haat]

ARYAN TERRORISM
crush the Lies
Crush the lies
Crush the lies
Crush the lies
Crush the fucking lies

The time has come terminate the unnecessary branches.
Betrayers must die.
Jewish bloodsuckers try to kill our BLACK METAL FIGHT
by selling it like a theatre.
Today they receive our weapons,
the clowns which surround us.

Crush the lies
Crush the lies
Crush the lies
Crush the fucking lies

Dimmu Borgir are fucking clowns, gays, venal bitches.
They all sell their asses for a gram of heroin.
Explode the bomb on their gig?

Clowns of cradle of shit are perverts
trading in their defects,
singing with castrated voices of their teenager’s problems.
This is a pornographic clownade burn them fucking alive?

Crush the lies
Crush the lies
Crush the lies
Crush the fucking lies

The mother fucking Kovenant is beyond any hatred.
That homosexual bastard Nagash,
We should cut through his ass with a chainsaw.

what a painted mug?
these are the businessmen from Marduk.
panzer division Marduk?
Huh! Motherfuckers division Marduk!

Crush the lies
Crush the lies
Crush the lies
Crush the fucking lies

Ihsahn – bald-headed freak from “mystic” Emperor.
Where were all your mystics sold out?
or has it been exchanged for Israel’s citizenship,
were the money all you want?

After them all goes Nergal from Behemoth with a big fucking penis-horn on his forehead,so…he may put it into his asshole, it’s right place…

Death to posers! Continue to fight them! Crush the lies!
Don’t let them fool you.
ONLY TRUE BLACK METAL WAR!

SIEG UND KRIEG!
SIEG UND KRIEG!
SIEG UND KRIEG!
SIEG UND KRIEG!


/THREAD

 

[cookiecutter]

Ancient Necropsy - Putrid Aromatherapy

Hello doctor can you help me? I Have derangements in my mind. Confusing my feelings and my beliefs. I can't stand this suffering please help me now or kill me now. Don't worry baby sure I can help you, please come in and lay down on my desk, now close your eyes and relax, enjoy the delicious putrid smells. First smell the old semen from my cock and drink it... Now smell my deep and dirty asshole for five minutes, sure... You will feel so good, later, smell my rotten rat pets for six minutes, meanwhile I will put my dick in your pussy ok???... Oh I'm sorry baby... This is part of the therapy. Ok girl now drink my semen to finish my session, and later drink this toilet water 3 times per day for 2 weeks, well... how are you feeling?
Oh doctor I feel so good, I will recommend you to my friends.
Sure baby. Take my business card, and come back every 8 days please.

to be fair English is not his first language and all his other songs have better lyrics, but this one is just ridiculous

 

[Zephyrus]

 

[Manic Ferocity]

ARYAN TERRORISM
crush the Lies
Crush the lies
Crush the lies
Crush the lies
Crush the fucking lies

The time has come terminate the unnecessary branches.
Betrayers must die.
Jewish bloodsuckers try to kill our BLACK METAL FIGHT
by selling it like a theatre.
Today they receive our weapons,
the clowns which surround us.

Crush the lies
Crush the lies
Crush the lies
Crush the fucking lies

Dimmu Borgir are fucking clowns, gays, venal bitches.
They all sell their asses for a gram of heroin.
Explode the bomb on their gig?

Clowns of cradle of shit are perverts
trading in their defects,
singing with castrated voices of their teenager’s problems.
This is a pornographic clownade burn them fucking alive?

Crush the lies
Crush the lies
Crush the lies
Crush the fucking lies

The mother fucking Kovenant is beyond any hatred.
That homosexual bastard Nagash,
We should cut through his ass with a chainsaw.

what a painted mug?
these are the businessmen from Marduk.
panzer division Marduk?
Huh! Motherfuckers division Marduk!

Crush the lies
Crush the lies
Crush the lies
Crush the fucking lies

Ihsahn – bald-headed freak from “mystic” Emperor.
Where were all your mystics sold out?
or has it been exchanged for Israel’s citizenship,
were the money all you want?

After them all goes Nergal from Behemoth with a big fucking penis-horn on his forehead,so…he may put it into his asshole, it’s right place…

Death to posers! Continue to fight them! Crush the lies!
Don’t let them fool you.
ONLY TRUE BLACK METAL WAR!

SIEG UND KRIEG!
SIEG UND KRIEG!
SIEG UND KRIEG!
SIEG UND KRIEG!


/THREAD

That's totally lame/awesome!

 

[Slayed Necros]

Gehennah wins this thread, hands fucking down (although those Aryan Terrorism lyrics are classic).

If you wear short hair you better beware
This is metal warfare!
I'll make you bleed that's what I need

I gonna crush your jaw just because I'm raw
Learn the metal law

Your legs I will chop!
If you listen to pop!

Say hello to Mr. Fist... In your face!

In a bed you will lie in the mirror you cry
You could as well die

Your face I fuckin' broke
I'll laugh till I choke

Say hello to Mr. Fist... In your face!

I'm here to drag you in the dirt, kick you where it really hurts
No matter how you kneel and beg, a crushing foot between your legs
I saw you drinking from my glass, that's why I must rip your ass
My fist awaits, my throat was dry, I smash my knuckles in your eyes

A beer in one hand, your teeth in the other
I haven't forgot when you stole from my bottle

There is barbed-wire where your children play, your family pays for your mistake
Your son is messed up really bad, your daughter's shouting for her dad
Your wimpy parents dressed in white, blown to bits by dynamite
Your wife lies beaten blue and raped, she's never gonna be the same (What a
shame, ha-ha!)

Your brothers shortcut discohair, made me throw him down the stairs
In a wheelchair he got trapped, now he's fucking handicapped
I'll atombomb your childhood town, burning down your neighbour's house
Your life is left in ruins now, as my boot is coming down

Also some of the shit by Vaginal Jesus is pretty funny, but I won't post that here.

 

[blood_drunk]

Everything by Manowar

 

[Manic Ferocity]

Also some of the shit by Vaginal Jesus is pretty funny, but I won't post that here.

Yeah, that goes without saying (not to mention Anal Cunt or anything else having to do with Seth Putnam).

 

[Einherjar86]

Most Sonata Arctica lyrics. I like the band (or used to), but some of their lyrics are horrible.

"She should not lock the open door
(Run away! Run away! Run away!)
Full moon is on the sky and
HEEEEE's not a MAAAAAAAN anymore!"

and

"Dana my darling, I'm writing to you,
Your father passed away; it was a really rainy day" (Ha!)

and

Mother always said "My son!
Do the noble thing.
You have to finish what you started
No matter what. Now! Sit and watch and learn.
It's not how long you live,
But what your morals say.
Cannot keep your part of the deal so
Don't say a word...
Don't say a word!

The last one's classic, because the melody in the chorus is so epic and huge, and yet the lyrics are nothing like what you'd expect. Horrible lyrics, Sonata; but still, a good band.

 

[A1a23]

This one has got to be the best!

Autopsy - Shit eater

Ass in the air, turd ring dialating
Matted butt hair, anal vapor rising
Give it a squeeze, my feast is emerging
Give it to me, let's begin the purging

I open my mouth and catch it as it drops
I chew and chew and love it brown and soft
I squish the crap between my teeth with my tongue
With a shit eating grin I'll lick 'til clean your bung

[E.C.]
[D.C.]

I'm a shit eater

Steaming chunky hunk of log
Taste it smell it eat it all
Maybe one turd maybe two
Whatever I can get from you

 

[Belligerent]

213 by Slayer. I love the song but Araya is trying so hard to be evil. I chuckle when I hear the ending for some reason.

 

[Gold]

WE ARE THE FIREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

 

[mutantllama]

Everything by Manowar

But they speak the truth!

 

[Matt]

Sarcofago

"if you are a false do not entry, or you be burned and died"

 

[omnipotence]

Also some of the shit by Vaginal Jesus is pretty funny, but I won't post that here.

"Beat... Rodney.... down.... down to the gound!!!"

 

[Slayed Necros]

"They should have run him over, they should have used mace, they should have got a gun and shot him in the face"

 

[sevag00]

That's totally lame/awesome!

That lyrics are totally nonsense, and stupid. The band members need a cock in their asses, not Nergal.

 

[Jreg]

Most Sonata Arctica lyrics. I like the band (or used to), but some of their lyrics are horrible.

"She should not lock the open door
(Run away! Run away! Run away!)
Full moon is on the sky and
HEEEEE's not a MAAAAAAAN anymore!"

I'm not big on Sonata Arctica, but this was one of the songs by them I liked a lot until I paid attention to the words.

 

[Vossyrus]

Though this is my fav band, Theatres des Vampires' former lead singer could definitely write a few bad lines due to his relatively poor english:

"Oh sweet goat.. here I am, come and lick
my white neck.. let me pull, your soft wool
Let me kiss, your soft face!!!!"

"I can all woman flood me with your vaginal blood"

"Open your legs so that trees with out branches can enter in the
forest!" :zombie: