King Richard
Hello there
I have no desire to date or nail other broads, ZERO. And if you knew me when I was younger you'd be absolutely floored with that comment. There's nothing about Ashley I don't like/love, to include wanting to only have sex with her and content with a monogamous relationship.
She hasn't been distant, we talk on the phone every single day. She's such a homebody that picturing her having met someone else is very distant in my mind. Would I bet my life on it? Um, no. There isn't much I'd bet my life on. But I'd say there's a 99.99999999999% chance that's not an issue at all. I even asked her last night if she wanted to date someone else and she said no way.
From what she explained to me, it might just be that she's a little disenchanted on the idea of getting married and having kids because it's taken me so long (7 years on April 30th) to take the next step with her and she's worried it's going to be like the rest of the time we're together, if we're together. It's a pretty hard point to dispute honestly, because I'm extremely indecisive but I have my own legit reasons. However, lately, as in the last year and a half I've moved on from that indecisiveness and expressed my willingness to take the next step with her, but apparently it's more of a "too little too late" feeling on her part. Again, it's hard to argue that, but I can't help but feel completely blindsided and heartbroken because I've made such huge steps in the past couple years in trying to be the best person/boyfriend I can only to have it seemingly thrown right back in my face.
She's also having trouble letting an incident go that occured 3+ years ago. I didn't cheat on her, but people were spreading rumors that I messed around on her and with basically no way of proving otherwise she had to believe me on faith alone that I wouldn't do something like that. This, for reasons unknown to me, still bothers her anytime I hang out with my friends, even if it's something as simple as going golfing, just because of the people associated with the event that caused us to nearly separate. I don't even know what to do or say about this, which is partly her problem. She says she doesn't know why it still bothers her and doesn't want it to bother her anymore but for whatever reason it does.
Sadly for me, she's the type to let something build up and not until it gets to the boiling point will she break down, just like with happened a few days ago. I can't stand that because I'm more of a tell you right now type of person, but I understand other people operate differently. I've tried telling her to let me know what's bothering her more immediately, and she has for the most part, but according to her these problems she's facing now weren't that obvious until she finally understood why she was feeling how she is, if that makes sense.
I don't know what to do, if there is even anything to do. She basically wants to just keep our distance (not literally because she's already like 20525925 miles away). Basically all I'm doing is wanting on her to call me and let me know what she's decided; either she'll get over this stuff and we'll move on, or it's over. I'll tell you right now, if we do end up breaking up, there's a very big part of me that is going to die inside; the part of me that gained her kindness and understanding, whereas I used to be a little spiteful asshole for much of my life.
The feeling I'm getting is what you just mentioned though, it feels like to me she broke the news to me and is eventually just going to end it. Whether she knows that right now or not I don't know, and she said she doesn't either, but I'm still holding out hope all will be will. If she thinks that trying to ease into the break up by taking a break is going to soften the blow she's mistaken.
She hasn't been distant, we talk on the phone every single day. She's such a homebody that picturing her having met someone else is very distant in my mind. Would I bet my life on it? Um, no. There isn't much I'd bet my life on. But I'd say there's a 99.99999999999% chance that's not an issue at all. I even asked her last night if she wanted to date someone else and she said no way.
From what she explained to me, it might just be that she's a little disenchanted on the idea of getting married and having kids because it's taken me so long (7 years on April 30th) to take the next step with her and she's worried it's going to be like the rest of the time we're together, if we're together. It's a pretty hard point to dispute honestly, because I'm extremely indecisive but I have my own legit reasons. However, lately, as in the last year and a half I've moved on from that indecisiveness and expressed my willingness to take the next step with her, but apparently it's more of a "too little too late" feeling on her part. Again, it's hard to argue that, but I can't help but feel completely blindsided and heartbroken because I've made such huge steps in the past couple years in trying to be the best person/boyfriend I can only to have it seemingly thrown right back in my face.
She's also having trouble letting an incident go that occured 3+ years ago. I didn't cheat on her, but people were spreading rumors that I messed around on her and with basically no way of proving otherwise she had to believe me on faith alone that I wouldn't do something like that. This, for reasons unknown to me, still bothers her anytime I hang out with my friends, even if it's something as simple as going golfing, just because of the people associated with the event that caused us to nearly separate. I don't even know what to do or say about this, which is partly her problem. She says she doesn't know why it still bothers her and doesn't want it to bother her anymore but for whatever reason it does.
Sadly for me, she's the type to let something build up and not until it gets to the boiling point will she break down, just like with happened a few days ago. I can't stand that because I'm more of a tell you right now type of person, but I understand other people operate differently. I've tried telling her to let me know what's bothering her more immediately, and she has for the most part, but according to her these problems she's facing now weren't that obvious until she finally understood why she was feeling how she is, if that makes sense.
I don't know what to do, if there is even anything to do. She basically wants to just keep our distance (not literally because she's already like 20525925 miles away). Basically all I'm doing is wanting on her to call me and let me know what she's decided; either she'll get over this stuff and we'll move on, or it's over. I'll tell you right now, if we do end up breaking up, there's a very big part of me that is going to die inside; the part of me that gained her kindness and understanding, whereas I used to be a little spiteful asshole for much of my life.
The feeling I'm getting is what you just mentioned though, it feels like to me she broke the news to me and is eventually just going to end it. Whether she knows that right now or not I don't know, and she said she doesn't either, but I'm still holding out hope all will be will. If she thinks that trying to ease into the break up by taking a break is going to soften the blow she's mistaken.
