Males and Females

My old man gets colonics off a guy I went to school withs nan who's a naturopath...for some reason he's got no issues with going around to her house and paying this 85 year old woman to put some hose up his ass that flushes it out with some liquid as I'm lead to believe.It may or may not be good for the asshole but it surely wouldn't be good for your mental health.I still haven't gotten my head around it,but obviously neither he nor nanna colonic thinks it's weird or shameful.
 
For me I see asses all the time that I would really like to fuck,not some skinny bitch but nice and round and not sloppy..Occassionally one will really catch my attention and make me want to fuck it,I hardly ever think that I might get crap on my dick.I suppose it's just as gross as the time I fucked this oldish lady in some wood chips in the car park of this pub and I I put my good going out shirt on the ground so she wasn't laying just on wood chips and the next day hung over as fuck I smelt something rotten and on my good shirt was this black fishy horrible smelling shit on there which I'm pretty sure was menstral blood this old drunk woman deposited on my shirt.
 
Mate I'm glad you like them but I think the funny ones have nearly all been told,pretty much all I have left now comrade is stories of shame from a few times being too pissed to get a horn,probably more likely that I didn't even really want to root this poor woman.Really I would've been far better to get one I want to fuck all the time...stupid shit you do when your young hey just so I could tell my mates I got laid on the weekend,it was a bit of a competition now I think about it lol.
 
Yeah pretty bad hey.Never really thought about it before just another deed I've performed over the years that falls a fair bit short of community standards just for amusement but when I think about it,it's pretty bad to do that to some poor unsuspecting drunk....do kids or young males these days bother with that stuff anymore,one of my friends even picked up a woman that had been involved in a car accident and had one leg longer than the other and to us that was awesome and hilarious,after he banged her he inserted the bottom of his fishing rod in her vag and put a toilet brush up her ass and got photos to show us which was the best thing ever...does that sort of thing occur amongst today's youth..
What horrible young people we were
 
Yeah it was the handle end,not that we ever spoke about it but it was an unspoken understanding that as long as they seemed to be enjoying the evening it was ok.Just because we didn't do anything against their will or physically injure them doesn't make it acceptable though.Surely in the days after the event the poor girl/woman wouldn't have fond memories or reflections or want to tell her grandchildren about it.
 
sloughfegkillers said:
Mate I'm glad you like them but I think the funny ones have nearly all been told,pretty much all I have left now comrade is stories of shame from a few times being too pissed to get a horn,probably more likely that I didn't even really want to root this poor woman.Really I would've been far better to get one I want to fuck all the time...stupid shit you do when your young hey just so I could tell my mates I got laid on the weekend,it was a bit of a competition now I think about it lol.
Click to expand...

Did you not hear about my previous exploits with not getting it up and a bloody nose cock-blocking me? That's just as good mang!
 
Shit man that's the sort of shit that happens to me,ya wanna hear a beauty? I had a fiancé once lol solely because of an intense hatred between me and this fuckwit karate bloke I used to work with.The hatred was so fierce that I wanted to engage in combat with this guy and instead of doing the honourable thing he took the cowardly route by trying to paint me as being crazy which is easy but he made a fundamental error by going home to his young girlfriend after a tough day of being a female and ran me down to her.To cut a long story short they must have had a fight and she sent me a msg on fuckbook.Next thing you know I'm engaged to this fellow workmates wife purely because I wanted to piss him off but for a fair while I couldn't get a horn it must've been because it wasn't true lol.Ended up being more hell than I started with and to top it off she the fairest lady that we were all trying to fuck and was the ultimate prize already had two kids to two different fathers one of whom had ADD.
Mate your problems are tiny compared with mine,I'm just about 39 and have the maturity and problem solving ability of one much younger lol.I think I'll be better off to just continue to rub one out when I feel the need and completely forget about relationships and all that I'm just too weird or something.

Edit: Not being able to get a fat ,especially at important times like for yourself that's a real issue for males these days.I mean you've just gone all out and done stuff you wouldn't normally do to get a root and impress a lady so your mind is all up the shit and stressed.I've never not been able to get a horn if I decide to have a wank..Really in this age of technology and science females should drop the act,decide if they like us or not and be upfront because having to go through all the courting crap is fucked.Also if the courting is rigorous and something I hate I wouldn't feel obliged to hang around as if I owe her some great debt...fark.That was the impression I got from my ex,like she couldn't believe I'd passed up this golden opportunity after finally I managed to impress her enough with romantic displays and gestures...like fuck off you rotten slag that was the most unenjoyable and idiotic social ritual and actually put me off the whole relationship thing altogether.Its easy to see how the tradition of 'winning' the hand of a lady through chivalry and constant displays was handed down,I guess in earlier times life was not much more than a bit of manual labour and it is nice to think back on how you did the whole romance thing and won her heart but these days unless your Amish or retarded I don't see the benefit.I know myself instantly when I meet a person whether or not I like them and that sort of thing.Ill do anything to make a chick or friend laugh but I can't cop the traditional serious stuff and it's retarded that stuff still exists,probably marriage is retarded now as well.
 
HamburgerBoy said:
Sounds like an implanon. Make sure to take photos of your resulting gelatinous vaginal discharge.
Click to expand...

Nexplanon actually, replaced the implanon. Look at you with your knowledge. But everyone's different dude. That's the thing, different side effects for different people. I wish I could just get my tubes tied but... And this shit is unbelievable.... 99 out of 100 doctors won't do it around here until you're like 35. They're convinced that at age 25 you don't know what you want yet.

So far, period appears normal. I am expecting at least a month of bleeding as my uterine nourishment disintegrates and becomes increasingly hostile to my significant others' man juice. I have not quit smoking. The reason they say to is this product increases blood pressure, but seeing as I have a touch of the hypotension, I'm gonna say I need all the elevated blood pressure I can get.

I'm so glad I have this sewing circle of a website to rant on.
 
If someone stole my gf or wife I think I'd end up doing something very very stupid and bad. I don't think my ego could cope with that.
 
As you say Carpe Mortem,in a way it does seem to be a very helpful place to just put it out there.Quite an eclectic yet considerate bunch of people here and when it comes to this kinda stuff that no one really has the answer to like drug abuse and relationship issues,rather than have some expert give bullshit advise it seems far more valuable to decide for yourself based on what the other members do or don't say.

Yeah that was a total mindfuck with that chick,for a short time it was bliss after the shock of how we hooked up not to mention the chaos it created at work but sadly that was short lived because after drunkenly agreeing to the proposition it was made public that very night on Facebook.And it was fucking bizarre how I instantly went from thinking I was a victorious bystander to stressing right out about how we hooked and immediately thinking that if she could be so ruthless to this other poor guy how the hell could I ever feel safe in a marriage with that kind of foundation.The sad and weird part is that I think she would have been the love of my life but it was just too much of a head fuck and we haven't spoken since which is weird cause we only live a short distance apart...it's typical of the sort of bizarre shit that happens in my life though.
 
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