Males and Females

[Vimana]

Can I add your post to this book I'm making that basically comprises of the thoughts of socially awkward people in the dating world?

 

[Zephyrus]

How old is this girl, Grant?

Also, Matt may be right. She may be seeing this idea as a means to gradually ramp up to being fit for a relationship, but needs to get more used to physical intimacy. What starts as "kissing friends" could certainly escalate if she responds positively.

However, there's a risk, since in the process you might get too attached to her (I for one know I get attached way too quickly and it's hurt me before) while all she wants may be well below what you hope to come out of it.

But if you're anything like me, then either choice you make could have emotional consequences. Women are stressful whether you're with them or without them.

 

[Zephyrus]

She seemed pretty clear about not wanting to become fuck buddies, since she's worried about jeopardizing the friendships in our social circle. So unless she's deliberately misleading me, i don't think i really have that option.

That's a bit preposterous. If she's so concerned about jeopardizing her social circle, then even kissing shouldn't happen. It's a slippery slope.

 

[Einherjar86]

That's a bit preposterous. If she's so concerned about jeopardizing her social circle, then even kissing shouldn't happen. It's a slippery slope.

Agreed. I'd suggest that she does want to be fuck-buddies, and is using "kissing" as the entry point to appear less of a "slut." I'm not implying that she is a "slut" in any way; but she likely knows that girls who like to mess around are often unfortunately viewed that way and cares enough about her image to try and avoid the label; if she wants to be fuck-buddies with you, then she definitely doesn't want you to think she's loose.

 

[Der Morgenstern]

So have any of you academics here had to deal with issues of relationships between students and teachers? I had a talk with my professor (and soon to be boss) today on the fact that my new girlfriend happens to be signed up for my Greek class this Fall. She said that it was fine, but just to be safe, that she would grade her instead of me. Hopefully that all works out.

I'm dating a grad student in a completely different department so I'm in the clear. I went through the the faculty handbook on this with a fine-tooth comb and, as far I as I am aware, am not breaking a single rule.

 

[King Richard]

@zabu: She's fucking with you is what she's doing. Right now she's testing the waters and seeing how far she can walk into the ocean before the water gets over her head. You just need to tell her straight up that you're attracted to her and are interested in pursuing a relationship if that's what you really want. If you don't want to do the FWB then tell her. Don't let her coyness get to you. DO NOT play her game because you'll get burned brother.

 

[SentinelSlain]

She wants to sample the delights of your masculinity without risk of consequence.

 

[The Butt]

Personally, if I were in that situation, I'd tell her it's either a relationship, or "just friends"; one or the other. I don't think I'd be able to just "mess around" with a close friend of mine like that, without a relationship anyways.

 

[Zephyrus]

Yeah that would be great and all, but right now fwb might be my only option. If she's not comfortable with a relationship other than one that consists of this "game", how can i force her hand?

With honesty?

 

[Chanakya]

Sure sounds like you don't have that much to lose, to be honest.

 

[Chanakya]

Not to derail topic from Grant, but....


I know that most of you guys are wholly comfortable in your positions as nerds and so am I. One problem that comes along, is that when you wake up in bed with an attractive girl that you are comfortable around, you start questioning things. While the girl in question isn't stupid by any means, she doesn't really come close to my natural instinct to be academically astute or have the drive/focus to do bigger things. Of course I'm over-thinking and having my own expectations, but I was wondering if I'm alone in this.


Never really had low self-esteem, but this summer sure has boosted confidence on the lady front



EDIT: Girl in question wasn't the ex of the friend I mentioned earlier.

 

[Zephyrus]

Not to derail topic from Grant, but....


I know that most of you guys are wholly comfortable in your positions as nerds and so am I. One problem that comes along, is that when you wake up in bed with an attractive girl that you are comfortable around, you start questioning things. While the girl in question isn't stupid by any means, she doesn't really come close to my natural instinct to be academically astute or have the drive/focus to do bigger things. Of course I'm over-thinking and having my own expectations, but I was wondering if I'm alone in this.


Never really had low self-esteem, but this summer sure has boosted confidence on the lady front

This is my situation pretty much at the moment. One reason she is so attracted to me is because of my superior academic intellect. However, I'm convinced that she has wisdom in other things that I do not possess, so that things are not one-sided. She won't be one who advances me academically but there are more things in life than just books, you know.

 

[damnromulans]

That's a tough one Grant. It is a cultural clash too though isn't it?

 

[waif]

Man this chick is going to be a real challenge... she's probably the best opportunity i can hope for though.

DON'T take this attitude. Your attitude should be "why not, since I don't have anything better going on today" rather than "why not, since I'll never get anything better." Don't stop looking for other girls (and if you're not looking for other girls...start. Jesus christ, dude, bust a move) but there's no reason not to see where this goes. She should basically feel like you're kinda into her so you'll hang out and kiss and shit, but if she wants to hang on to you she has to give you a reason to stick around cause otherwise you'll go elsewhere. There is nothing less attractive than desperation.

That said, you should totally go for it. Odds are it leads to sex, and even if it doesn't just getting hands-on with a girl is always nice.

 

[Pessimism]

Jesus fucking christ Grant, she obviously likes you and is playing coy. Just go for it.

 

[King Richard]

I think we've given all the advice we can on the zabu situation. Good luck man. Lay that pipe man!

Ok, now it's time to get serious. At exactly 8 PM EST I'll be boarding a flight to Hawaii for perhaps the last time in my life. I'm heading back to paradise in an attempt to reclaim what was once mine, in a way.

Ashley and I will have been "broken up" exactly five months to the day tomorrow when I surprisingly show up to her door. I've already gotten shit from the one friend I told and my mom and dad about the situation because my brother accidentally told them what I was doing. My mom was more concerned about me being ok and hoping it works out but just bitched me out for not telling her. My dad pretty much said, "fuck bitches, make money." But then eventually conceded, "Hey man, you gotta do what you think is right and I'll support ya."

So anyway, the reason for me spending the cash, burning vacation days, and putting myself in such an odd position is because I need both an answer and closure. I'm not scripting out what I'm going to say to her, just tell her how I feel, tell her the truth about me not being able to pretend like I'm ok with just being her friend, and wanting to know whether there's a future for us or not. If she says yes, then we'll take it a step at a time from there. If she says no, then I'm done. My mindset right now is stuck in waking up hoping this will be the day that she may call and realize what she has done was stupid and beg me to come back to her. It could happen, but I'm tired of waiting. I'm just not a patient person and I think five months is plenty of time to figure this out. I've got a lot of shit on the horizon, and my future pretty much depends on these next several moves.

Call me stupid all you guys want, but this is what I gotta do.

 

[Pessimism]

I'll not call you stupid. Good luck.

 

[Vimana]

I can understand doing that for mental closure, though it seems dumb from the outside. Anyways, I love this song.

 

[zabu of nΩd]

@rick i just hope you don't show up at her door at an awkward moment like when she has another dude over.

 

[Vimana]

Yeah. Don't be the other dude who tries to win the girl back when she's about to fuck/just fucked a guy.