So I'm at work minding my own business doing the daily routine when this homeless lady walks in. Feet were black as hell, she stunk so bad I could smell her as soon as she walked in the door from 20 feet away. She had this giant bag with her, like 2'x4', and it looked like one of those attache things that you would carry a painting around in.
Anyway, she walks up to the counter and this is the conversation we have:
Homeless Lady: "Hey do you have any string?"
Me: "Uhh..." (looking around the desk and counter) "I don't think so."
HL: "Well anything small enough to fit through my angel" (she presents a small angel pendant)
Me: "Hmm... maybe a paper clip? And then I have this lanyard thing here you can use to clip the paper clip to it."
HL: "Maybe that will work."
So, pretty normal conversation I guess. Then as she is trying to MacGuyver the paperclip, lanyard and angel pendant she starts just talking to herself. I pretended to be distracted by work but I was listening to her because it was nuts:
HL: "Someone has been touching my neck the past few days. My neck and my body. Can you believe we are trying to get away from those black Nazis? Can you believe that? You know, they want to put AIDs in my head so they can buy my bibles, can you imagine that? A black man trying to touch a white man's bible. You know they talked about that during the 5th Reich back in the 30's and 40's? Benjamin Franklin predicted it, said there will be invisible ink that you can see with a camera in your eye. Billy Mays was selling that on TV yesterday, what planet was that on do you remember?"
I look over at her and give an awkward chuckle. She just stands there for a second and then moves her "purse" to a more accessible position. This thing is really huge.
HL: "Hey do you need a wrench?"
Me: "Not that I know of."
HL: "It's adjustable and real nice. I found it on another planet, not here. You would be amazed at what you can find on Neptune.
Me: "Is that so..."
HL: "Ok well thank you for the string, I'll see how it works on my stairmaster."
Me: "...anytime?"
So she leaves. Then about 10 minutes later I'm at the desk and I see her walking behind a man and then off the sidewalk following him to his car door, uncomfortably close I might add. At first it's her engaging him, I'm assuming either for money or strange conversation. I was half right.
HL: "DO YOU REALIZE IT'S COMING?? Obama is the fucking PRESIDENT - what do you think he'll do with all THE BEEEEFFF?"
That's pretty much it so far. She paces the shopping center and passes by the windows every so often, talking to herself very loudly about random things.
Anyway, she walks up to the counter and this is the conversation we have:
Homeless Lady: "Hey do you have any string?"
Me: "Uhh..." (looking around the desk and counter) "I don't think so."
HL: "Well anything small enough to fit through my angel" (she presents a small angel pendant)
Me: "Hmm... maybe a paper clip? And then I have this lanyard thing here you can use to clip the paper clip to it."
HL: "Maybe that will work."
So, pretty normal conversation I guess. Then as she is trying to MacGuyver the paperclip, lanyard and angel pendant she starts just talking to herself. I pretended to be distracted by work but I was listening to her because it was nuts:
HL: "Someone has been touching my neck the past few days. My neck and my body. Can you believe we are trying to get away from those black Nazis? Can you believe that? You know, they want to put AIDs in my head so they can buy my bibles, can you imagine that? A black man trying to touch a white man's bible. You know they talked about that during the 5th Reich back in the 30's and 40's? Benjamin Franklin predicted it, said there will be invisible ink that you can see with a camera in your eye. Billy Mays was selling that on TV yesterday, what planet was that on do you remember?"
I look over at her and give an awkward chuckle. She just stands there for a second and then moves her "purse" to a more accessible position. This thing is really huge.
HL: "Hey do you need a wrench?"
Me: "Not that I know of."
HL: "It's adjustable and real nice. I found it on another planet, not here. You would be amazed at what you can find on Neptune.
Me: "Is that so..."
HL: "Ok well thank you for the string, I'll see how it works on my stairmaster."
Me: "...anytime?"
So she leaves. Then about 10 minutes later I'm at the desk and I see her walking behind a man and then off the sidewalk following him to his car door, uncomfortably close I might add. At first it's her engaging him, I'm assuming either for money or strange conversation. I was half right.
HL: "DO YOU REALIZE IT'S COMING?? Obama is the fucking PRESIDENT - what do you think he'll do with all THE BEEEEFFF?"
That's pretty much it so far. She paces the shopping center and passes by the windows every so often, talking to herself very loudly about random things.
