Off-topic: Post your jokes here

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Beelzebub

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Mar 22, 2003
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To lighten the mood I figured why not post some jokes to make everyone laugh (or roll their eyes)? Dirty, corny, punny, knock knock... whatever. I'll start.

What did the mathmetician say when his bird flew out the window?
Polly gone!

Knock knock
(who's there?)
Little old lady
(little old lady who?)
I never knew you could yodel!

:Spin:

EDIT: I thought this went without saying, but please try to steer clear of the really uncalled for offensive type stuff. I don't want this to be the 3298472398457239847329874528379823th thread closed within the past 96 hours.
 
Kronikle, that was BEYOND being in poor taste.

My favorite really lame joke: What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

<insert groans here> hehe
 
Lol....yeah Kronikle, that was pretty bad hehe.

Anyway...

How do you circumsize a redneck?

Kick his daughter in the chin! lol.....sorry...
 
Well, true, all jokes are pretty much old so I probably shouldn't have said that. My main point was that yours much more "beyond being in poor taste". Don't understand why nothing was said about that. That's all.
 
These jokes are teeming with bad taste:

Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?
It runs in your jeans!

What did one vampire lesbian say to the other after they had sex?
See you next month.

I told the first joke in biology class during the lesson on the large intestine. The teacher retorted with the second. Yeah, it was fun that day.
 
Kronikle66 said:
Well, true, all jokes are pretty much old so I probably shouldn't have said that. My main point was that yours much more "beyond being in poor taste". Don't understand why nothing was said about that. That's all.
Click to expand...

Because inbred rednecks are a common source of humor..pushing a pregnant girl down the stairs isn't, nor is it funny to begin with.

Another lame one: Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?

If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

<more groans>
 
Found this on another forum, it's a bit crude (very crude) but....

A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the
wife says,

"Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this
breakfast table together."

"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here
naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old times."
Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the
table.

"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied,
"My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."

"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your
tea and the other is in your porridge."
 
n extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.

He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard who watched the whole incident walked up and asked,"What the heck is going on?"

The drunk, still staring down, replied:

"I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost."
 
Because inbred rednecks are a common source of humor..pushing a pregnant girl down the stairs isn't, nor is it funny to begin with.
Click to expand...

I think you're missing the point here... how is a father getting his penis bitten off while his daughter gives him a blowjob in better taste than pushing a pregnant lady down the stairs? I honestly don't see where you're coming from. Because you've never heard of a certain theme in a joke it becomes tasteless? Would it be in better taste if I insulted the intelligence of retarded people? Everyone knows they're not very smart so it should be in good taste, right? What about how black people supposedly steal alot and eat fried chicken? Honestly, making fun of pregnant women is quite tame.

And not to be devil's advocate, but with jokes like: "What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.", I'm being told what's funny? lol Honestly, I thought my joke was hilarious and (even though it seems to be discouraged) unique.
 
Deductive Reasoning (this is one of my all time favorite)

Man approaches to greet a new neighbor who is just moving into the house next door and asks what he does for a living.
Neighbor 1: I am a professor at the University, I teach deductive reasoning.

Man: Deductive reasoning? What is that?

Neighbor 1: Let me give you an example. I see you have a dog house out back. By that I deduce that you have a dog.

Man: That's right.

Neighbor 1: The fact that you have a dog, leads me to deduce that you have a family.

Man: Right again.

Neighbor 1: Since you have a family I deduce that you have a wife.

Man: Correct.

Neighbor 1: And since you have a wife, I can deduce that you are heterosexual.

Man: Yup.

Neighbor 1: That is deductive reasoning.

Man: Cool.

.....Later that same day...

Man: Hey I was talking to that new neighbor next door.

Neighbor 2: Is he a nice guy?

Man: Yes, and he has an interesting job.

Neighbor 2: Oh, yeah? What does he do?

Man: He is a professor of deductive reasoning at the University.

Neighbor 2: Deductive reasoning? What's that?

Man: Let me give you an example. Do you have a dog house?

Neighbor 2: No.

Man: Faggot.
 
I know folks who'd do something like this one..

I went to the store the other day and I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said "Come on buddy, how about giving me a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires! So I called him a piece of horse s**t. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes ... the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner. I try to have a little fun each day. It's important.
 
this one's from middle school. heh. a while ago.
How do you get an elephant out of the fridge?

Take the "F" out of "way."

the other person is sposed to think about it for a while, then say "there's no effin' way!"
(no "F" in "way") :err:

Drummer Joke Time!!!

There are 3 types of drummers. Those who can count, and those who can't.

What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
Drool.

Two drummers walk into a bar. ...which is kinda funny, cuz you would think the second one woulda seen the first one do it.

How do you confuse a drummer?
Put sheet music infront of him.
How do you stop a drummer?
Put notes on it.

A guy walks into a shop and says, "You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a Gobson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremulo?" The guy behind the counter looks at him with a blank stare and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you?" The guy says, "Yeah, how'd you know?" The guy behind the counter says, "This is a travel agency."

What do you get if you cross a drummer with a gorrilla?
A really dumb gorrilla.

A mother asks her son what he wants to be when he grows up. The kid replies, "I want to be a drummer!". The mother then says, "Now son, you can't do both..."

and if you are in a symphonic concert band and dont like your director...
What's the difference between a bull and this band?
A bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back.

How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
The knocking gets faster.

thats all for now.
 
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