The best jokes..

[Evil?]

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?






Cya next month.

 

[The Heartbreak Kid]

Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?
Because he doesnt know hes black

Why cant Stevie Wonder read?
Cos he's black

 

[TeST911]

Here's the winner - The biggest joke ever:

i laughed

 

[molochete]

Three vampires walk into a bar. One orders a blood on the rocks. Another orders a double blood. The third simply asks for a mug of hot water.

"Why didn't you order blood like everyone else?" asks the bartender.

The vampire pulls out a tampon and says, "I'm making tea!"



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A wife comes in and yells, "Honey! Pack your clothes! I just won the lottery!"

Her husband yells back, "But should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"

The wife replies, "I DON'T CARE! JUST GET OUT!"

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What is a man's idea of doing housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

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What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.

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yep, same guy, I'm sorry

First One:uke:
Second ONe: i Laughed a little
Third One:
Fourth One:

 

[molochete]

Why did Michael Jackson shop at K-Mart?
-He heard boys' pants were 1/2 off.
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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
-It was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
-it was stapled to the first monkey.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
-Peer pressure.
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A blonde walked into a bar and said "Ouch."
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Three dudes, an asian, a black guy, and a blonde American are taking a tour in the Grand Canyon. They reach a spectacular vista and enjoy the view. To the side they see a tour group, with people jumping off the cliff. Alarmed, they ask the tour guide what is happening.

"Oh, it's a magic cliff. You shout what you want to be when you jump off, and that's what it turns you into."

So the asian guy runs off. "I want to be a bird!" Poof! He becomes an eagle and soars away.

The black guy runs off. "I want to be a horse!" Poof! He becomes a stallion and jumps from one side of the canyon to the other (yeah I know it can't happen)

Finally the blonde guy runs toward the cliff. "I wanna be--" he trips. "SHIT!"
----------

What did the drum and cymbal say when they fell off the cliff?
-Badum tish

First:
second:
Third:
Fouth:

 

[molochete]

Why did the boy fall out of the swing?
-He didnt have any arms.
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Why did the boy fall off the bike?
-Someone hit him with a refrigerator.

Gah, I can't think of any good ones...

First:
Second::Smug:

Come oN

U have 2 have some more

Ur Fucken Funny

 

[Karasu]

What do you call a woman with one leg?
-Ilene.

What do you call her if she's Asian?
-Irene.
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How do you make a cat go "Woof?"
-Douse it with lighter fluid and throw a lit match on it.

How do you make a dog go "Meow?"
-Freeze it, then run it through a band saw.
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What's green and red and going 50 miles per hour?
-A frog in a blender.

What's black and white and can't turn around in an elevator?
-A referree with a javelin through his head.
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A blonde, brunette and a redhead decide to have a swimming race across a lake. To make it fair, they decide on using only one kind of stroke in order to swim. They settle on the breaststroke and begin the race.

The redhead makes it to the other side first. The brunette makes second 2 minutes after. They look back at the blonde and see that she's still only about 10 yards from the opposite shore.

They sit down and have a drink, and the blonde's only halfway across.

Finally it's sunset and the blonde makes it to the other side, exhausted. "Not fair, you guys," she says, "you were using your arms!"

 

[Scarifier]

What goes Blackwhite,blacKwhite,Blackwhite,BlacKwhite??

a nun falling down a flight of stairs HAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAH

In Australia, if you are "racist" haha (i hate people that deny they are, you are racist even if you are trying not to be) you tell that joke with a different ending.

What goes Blackwhite,blacKwhite,Blackwhite,BlacKwhite??

An abo (aboriginal) and a seagull fighting over a chip.

Haha i could start writing all the coon jokes but you non australians wouldn't understand

Do you have jokes about someone/something in your countries that other countries wouldn't understand?

 

[entanglement]

A blonde, brunette and a redhead decide to have a swimming race across a lake. To make it fair, they decide on using only one kind of stroke in order to swim. They settle on the breaststroke and begin the race.

The redhead makes it to the other side first. The brunette makes second 2 minutes after. They look back at the blonde and see that she's still only about 10 yards from the opposite shore.

They sit down and have a drink, and the blonde's only halfway across.

Finally it's sunset and the blonde makes it to the other side, exhausted. "Not fair, you guys," she says, "you were using your arms!"

 

[Scarifier]

Why did the boy fall off the bike?
-Someone hit him with a refrigerator. *

WHERE DID YOU GET THIS JOKE! my mate invented this joke a few years ago but his is a bit different

"why didn't jimmy win the race = because someone threw a fridge at him"

It's like it has been chinese whispered since all those years ago to evolve into the current form you posted

 

[Karasu]

WHERE DID YOU GET THIS JOKE! my mate invented this joke a few years ago but his is a bit different

"why didn't jimmy win the race = because someone threw a fridge at him"

It's like it has been chinese whispered since all those years ago to evolve into the current form you posted

I have no clue where I found it! I was looking for a different joke in particular and came across this one. Thought it was funny.